Fuck. I look like a middle aged frump.

(270 Posts)
NumTumDeDum Mon 03-Jun-13 23:50:54

Have just video'd myself discussing cheese (I'm not mental it's for a consumer feedback thing). Anyway, just played it back and to my absolute horror I look rough as a badgers arse, about 10 years older than I am, and like I had a hard life. I'm overweight, and my hair is clearly the wrong colour and style (well actually there doesn't appear to be a style unless you count crap as a style). My clothes are ill fitting and don't suit me.

I have tried to remind myself that I only had a baby 6 months ago and I'm sleep deprived but it's not working.

Just talked to DP mainly to berate him for letting me go out in public and he says he doesn't like what I'm wearing and that it ages me. I have on a pair of awful bootcut jeans from Primark that I bought after birth for the awkward transition from maternity jeans to normal clothes, and a black sort of smock top. A lot of my jeans are cheap bootcuts. I may be stuck in a 90s timewarp (I'm 34). I do have a pair of skinnies in black and dp likes those.

My budget is extremely small as we've only the one income and two DC.

Where do I start?! Help a desperate woman please!

issimma Tue 04-Jun-13 18:14:06

I'm the same age, and have a 6mo ds2...

I'm on a mission to sort myself out as I look soooo much older than 6mo after having dc1. And I seem to have got vainer, so watching w interest!

NumTumDeDum Tue 04-Jun-13 18:48:41

Oh Absy, are you my dp?!! He is forever telling me to do this. He's right and so are you. I have terrible posture. Ok, shoulders back.

NumTumDeDum Tue 04-Jun-13 18:50:34

Issima and HowIWonder, it's my dc2 as well. I wore bikinis and all sorts after the first. I can't imagine ever doing that again at the moment. I just look soooo old!

NumTumDeDum Tue 04-Jun-13 18:52:39

I am not accepting the frump though i shall banish it. No choice really otherwise I've got to accept my mother dresses better than me. This cannot happen.

issimma Tue 04-Jun-13 19:41:40

howiwonder I keep thinking 'sod it, this is it now', but don't really want to embrace the frump. Would be easier though.
num My hairstyle is also crap. But I have no time/energy to spend wazzing around with straighteners. Would get it all chopped short, but that would make me look like a man!

New Look have great Tshirts for £5. Or work with what you have - bootcuts aren't necessarily bad. Are you on pinterest? Lots of good bootcut looks there. Maybe smarten them up with a jacket or new accessories? What do you like? Wear the type of jeans you feel good in, not the ones DH likes.

As for colour, save up to get them done by HoC. Until then, do as I saw recommended on another thread. Have a look at the palettes for each season here, choose your favourite and try to stick to those colours.

Inspired by this thread, tonight have sorted out facial hair (my neighbour does bargain waxing) and will do a home facial. But first chocolate and wine.

Valdeeves Tue 04-Jun-13 19:57:31

I'm laughing as I was thinking the same thing - are you me???
I'm 34 too with a 3 year old and a nine month old. My whole torso is just been ransacked by the kids - boobs small and flat after BF, ribs pushed out, whole upper and lower abs baggy. I've also got a pregnancy rash that never went away.
When I look in the mirror I think " Frumpety Frump Frump!"

My best tips are these though:

1. Do the BIWI low carb diet on here and DO NOT CHEAT - watch the weight fall off quickly.
2. Drink two litres of water and a day - you will be amazed after two weeks at how much better you look
3. Try Peacocks for tops and flip flops.
4. Get some coral nail varnish - it's on trend and will really make you look more fashionable.
5. Use coconut oil to give yourself a hair mask - it seems expensive but lasts forever.

And the shred is really good but God it gets boring after a while - go walking etc if you can.
Xxxxx

howiwonder Tue 04-Jun-13 20:10:24

i have the shred, dare i dust it off once more? i did find it good first time round, might go and have a look for it in a minute.

i just ordered the book 'escape the diet trap' the other day so am hoping that will inspire me, its essentially low carb too i think - is low carb a bit dodgy with bfing though valdeeves? cant cope with feeding as much as i do plus feeling all weak and wobbly

i think having no real social life doesnt help at the moment, find myself thinking whats the point in getting nice new clothes if i will only get to wear them round the bloody supermarket. need to find some sort of babysitter and have a few dates with DH again...

off to browse new look, peacocks, tesco websites etc

btw - looks like 34 is the age for mid frump crisis?!!

NumTumDeDum Tue 04-Jun-13 20:23:29

I think it must be. I don't know if I should take it as inspiration or a smack in the face that Nicole schertzinger is 33.

issimma Tue 04-Jun-13 20:25:58

Blame the babies. I looked just like Nicole S before I had kids.

hmm

5madthings Tue 04-Jun-13 20:32:25

I am.also 34 and was def looking frumpy til i started losing weight and exercising, then got new clothes. Oh i also have a pair of skinny jeans/jeggings from sainaburys, dp bought them and i was like wtf but they actually look good on and are soo comfy!

Still need to sort my hair, its really dry and brittle but am not sure what to do with it, i always just tie it back in a bun/knot or pony tail...

happyreindeer Tue 04-Jun-13 20:45:21

I am much older than you. You lucky thing to be so young.I shop 99 % in charity shops and all my clothes are from Boden ,Hobbs , Jigsaw and the like. Cheap and easy way to help yourself and other people. I am a great believer in the Paul Mckenna I can make you thin cds. I have been totally in the zone for months. Desperate to exercise( I like aqau fit, Davina Mcoll dvds and walking) and losing loads of weight.

howiwonder Tue 04-Jun-13 21:07:23

bollocks, just found the shred dvd, was kinda hoping it was lost...

NumTumDeDum Tue 04-Jun-13 21:09:23

I'd never heard about the shred until I found MN. Is it better than Davina?

howiwonder Tue 04-Jun-13 21:25:02

i dont know, i did have a davina one years ago and i cant remember what i thought of it - they're all pretty much by much i reckon. the thing that i liked about the shred was that it was really short so easy to fit in to my day, and i remember that i did genuinely start seeing a difference pretty quickly.

i had the super embarrassing situation of someone thinking i was pregnant the other day, so that was a bit of a wake up call. DH assures me its not that i look huge but just that i always wear tunic baggy type tops at the moment, hes probably being kind - i think its a combination of both the clothes and the post baby belly.

new look seem to have some really nice cheapie jeans, think i will head there at the end of the week when DS1 is in nursery and have a look.

Startail Tue 04-Jun-13 21:36:36

Also shoes, I loath heels, but I have to confess that I feel a lot less frumpy in wedge sandals than absolutely flat ones. This especially true when wearing very frumpy cropped trousers, because they force me to stand straight and tall and look less like a square blob.

5madthings Tue 04-Jun-13 21:44:49

I am wondering g if this better than Davina, as I have Davina DVDs already and they work quite well for toning up and losing weight, I just fancied a change..

scarlet76 Tue 04-Jun-13 22:03:11

Beauty: cleanse tone and moisturise morning and night. Use a whitening toothpaste, pluck brows or have threaded, keep nails clean, short and painted with clear varnish, toe nails painted a blood red, get hair cut in a low maintenance style that suits and find the right colour for you.

Health: Lots of water, healthy meals, portion control, small treat, shred DVD, Walk/jog/run at the weekends.

Clothes: well fitting slim blue jeans, well fitting bra, ditto breton tops, t-shirts, sandals or flipflops for summer, straight cut maxi skirt or dress, sunglasses and accessories to pull your look together

HandMini Tue 04-Jun-13 22:21:31

Frumping it up here as well, at 33 and four months after DD2 arrived. My stomach is baggy, my hips are vast and the worst thing is my skin which is just fucked from two years of less than optimal fucking terrible sleep.

This thread is great and I would love to hear more of how other people manage this, but for the record, here are my tips.

1. Drink water. Just stand at the kitchen sink and neck a glass of water. Every time you make a bottle, every time you rinse a tea cup, every time you wash your hands, every time you do anything.

2. Wash your face every night and morning, and occasionally use a handful of sugar in with your usual cleanser to exfoliate (or buy a posh exfoliation scrub thingy if money no object). I may be the skankiest person ever but I sometimes don't manage to wash face every night and morning, and it starts to show after a few days.

3. Get thee to Primark. (Or NL or DPs if you can't stomach Primark's approach to sweatshops). I just went in and bought three pairs of skinnies and three plain t shirts. At least now I have a uniform of sorts.

4. Don't experiment too much at this stage. Don't see a gorgeous woman in a maxi skirt and crazy topknot and think "right, maxi skirts and crazy top knots will change my life". Keep it basic. Really good fitting jeans, nice crisp white shirts.

5. Do the Shred. I've been doing it for about four weeks, NOT I hasten to add every day, but I am feeling the benefit and you can do it in less than half an hour at home. My toddler laughs in my face as I do crunches over the nappy changing mat. It's free on Youtube as well. Go on, perch your laptop precariously on a shelf and do it.

6. Bit if bronzer and/or blusher is way more lightening / lifting than a face of slap.

BabCNesbitt Tue 04-Jun-13 22:46:43

Handmini, I love that point about keeping it basic at this stage. I keep fretting that I'll never make it back to the level of stylishness I had before I got pregnant (not that I was super-stylish then, but I'm super-frumpy at the moment! blush ), but probably what I should be aiming for right now isn't 'incredibly cool' (I'll leave that for other women who can do that more instinctively, it seems) but 'reasonably presentable'.

Valdeeves Tue 04-Jun-13 22:53:08

Yes - I think you need some carbs if your Breast feeding! Just cut out sugar and you'll see a difference xx

IceNoSlice Wed 05-Jun-13 17:06:13

Some really good tips on here, thanks!

HandMini Wed 05-Jun-13 19:18:28

Thanks Bab - this thread inspired me today and I got changed half way through the day. Out of bootcut jeans and minging cardigan and into half decent fitted denim skirt and totally plain navy long sleeve. Quite "boring" but I added some cream beads and actually felt ok for the first time in ages. Didn't manage any hair or make up tho....tmrw.

fedupofnamechanging Wed 05-Jun-13 19:41:18

If you are near a Gap discount outlet, you can get some decent stuff for hardly any money. They are doing 40% off sale prices at the moment - I got some purple jeans for £8.99 last week.

Also M&S are doing a basic t shirt, which is quite long so covers the bum. it is scoop neck and has half sleeves and is shaped, without being tight. Again dirt cheap (£7.50, I think) and available in black/white and a nice pink. The other colours were a bit dodgy imo.

I think you should invest in a new feeding bra, because it really will help your shape.

DownyEmerald Wed 05-Jun-13 20:27:13

I totally lost my clothes mojo after baby, and it took me years, so you are doing well if it's only been months.

I'd totally lost touch with what people wear and why and there's just too much choice in the shops and online. What really helped me was following a few fashion blogs. Got me used to how to put things together, what are trends that I like and which I don't. Just to get an idea of an overall picture in my mind of what I could aim for. Try a few and see which stick. You're a decade younger than me so bearing that in mind!
Susie So So - I like her writing style and she's a jeans and tops kind of person, but she thinks about her jeans and tops.
School Gate Style.
Style Guile is a bit more spensy and she is very tucked in, but also good for getting an idea
There are loads, you just have to find ones you like. They usually all link to each other.

NumTumDeDum Wed 05-Jun-13 20:53:42

Up with the Frump revolution!!! I put in skinnies and a long sleeve blue top today but one which flatters and felt so much better. Have also finally listener to dp about leaving my hair down and I think he's right.

Saw the dreaded bootcut jeans and smock top today as I hung them out on the line. Momentarily I thought oh I'll keep them just in case. But just in case of what? Just in case I want to look frumpy again? I reached for the bin liners and started a charity shop pile. It felt really very cathartic.

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