i have £100 to spend, I'm a size 16-18 and I'm so depressed with my size / shape / clothes i don't want to leave the house....

(50 Posts)
Fairylea Wed 24-Apr-13 20:28:09

So help me.

I have put on a lot of weight in the 10 months since ds was born (was size 10 before). He is my second child and I now have a big wobbly stomach that looks like I have two tiers when I wear jeans so I can't wear plain tops as it shows underneath them.

I recently spent money on some tops and jeans only to feel I have wasted the money as everything just looks awful. sad I think I am still trying to dress like a size 10 and it's not working sad

I know I need to get out and walk more to lose the weight but I hate the way I look so much that I'm hardly going out except for the school run for dd or to the park for ds two mins down the road.

So what can I buy? What should I be wearing?

I'm 5ft 7, apple shaped sad and size 16-18 with average size boobage.

Thanks for ideas in advance. I feel very lost.

DewDr0p Sat 27-Apr-13 16:24:48

OP I'm a bit late to this but it's good to hear you feeling a bit brighter.

I know that when I was in that post-baby phase, a few well fitting clothes gave me a huge boost, as I just felt a bit weird and well, not me really!

Be kind to yourself - it's really not that long since you had a baby and celebrity mothers aside, most of us take a while to get back to "normal" Exercise might be good just to boost your mood though - does the baby nap? Could you do 20mins of one of your exercise DVDs then rather than wait until the evening when you're knackered? My friend used to run up and down the stairs! Maybe when you take ds to the park do a lap or two with him in the buggy before you head home again?

btw I live in a very small and very gossipy place and I have NEVER heard anyone bitching about anyone's post-baby weight (heard them bitching about everything else under the sun but not that grin )

Hope you are enjoying your new clothes smile

higgle Sat 27-Apr-13 09:49:36

As someone who has been to fat and back more times than I will admit to I probably know how you feel. If you buy something nice now, that fits properly you will feel cheered up a bit. Make sure your underwear fits, there is nothing that makes you grumpier than bras and knicker elastic digging in. Once you are dressed in your nice new clothes think about losing some weight gradually. I can assure you that size 14 when you are on the way down feels a nice place to be, whereas like you I find 16/18 is not.

I know the idea is a bit yucky but if you join a group ( I go to a lovely friendly small Slimming World group) it does help. I would have thought a morning group would have a lot of young mothers in the same boat as you. At my group about a third of those who go along are at target and most of those have been there for ages, so it does work.

Don't think of it as wasting your money buying clothes that fit you know - the morale boost will be enormous, and you will find it much easier to source cheaper clothes or things on ebay that look lovely when you are a smaller size. I'm not doing much exercise at the moment but I used to run a lot - couch to 5k feels like an amazing achievement when you start from scratch. It might sound silly but if you are out and about, exercising, in a yoga or Zumba class or at diet group you can't at the same time be pigging out at home!

KatyS36 Sat 27-Apr-13 08:01:01

So pleased you are starting to feel better, and taking positive steps forward. Enjoy your lovely new clothes and good luck. Remember to post again if you need to.

Katy

Go op! It's good that you are taking these little steps. Baby steps still take you forward even if it's slower than striding smile

PoohBearsHole Fri 26-Apr-13 20:12:22

Good for you op. baby steps, make yourself feel better first then start on larger goals. It's like fly lady for you body! And take it from me, don't wait for something special to wear your new gear! Wear it because you can and it makes you feel nice. Don't forget to add a bit of lippy even if its lip salve! Baby steps grin

Fairylea Fri 26-Apr-13 19:43:38

Thank you everyone. I really appreciate all the replies and tips.. and whilst I'm sorry to hear so many others are feeling similarly to me it helps to know I'm not alone. Thanks.

I went out shopping today with dh and ds (who seemed to eat his own 10 month old body weight in pizza at pizza express... oops smile ) and I remembered some of your ideas and brought myself some tops and a wrap dress. Going to attempt to get out and about more.

I also brought some red brown hair dye to give myself a bit of a lift... at the moment my hair is mousy grey whereas I always used to dye it etc. I think I had completely given up ! So I'm going to give that a go.

I'm still feeling very self conscious. But you're right, the world is full of people like me. No one is going to be looking at me (IkKeep telling myself anyway).

I do find it very hard trying to accept my size. And someone was right when they said it's accepting I'm not seen as slim or skinny anymore. As I always have been. So it's like my whole body image has been knocked on its side. It's hard.

I do want to lose the weight but I have decided that I am going to up my walking about, hopefully in clothes that I feel ok in.... if I lose weight great. I don't have the energy or patience to calorie count right now, a bit of chocolate or cake is all that keeps me sane some days!

Thank you all for your support and help. I might post again if I'm feeling low. It helps to talk to others.

janey223 Fri 26-Apr-13 00:28:13

Sorry haven't read the full thread but I'm a 16-18 and the only jeans I can wear properly are high waisted ones. Normal jeans cut me in half and still fall down

2fedup Thu 25-Apr-13 21:27:41

Buy a couple of tops that make you feel better. Something like this that is empire line should help to give you a waste, depending on the cut, too much cloth can make the tummy area look bigger. You can wear it with ankle length trousers or knee length shorts or skinnies.
Losing weight will help long term, but you can still better.

newgirl Thu 25-Apr-13 20:34:27

Get yourself to new look.

They have fab stripey tops, thin long cardies - £8. I got dark straight jeans £16. Go for cotton rather than weird fabrics. I think it's a gem if a shop if you ignore the teenage stuff. So you can kit yourself out in your budget and recycle jeans as/when you lose weight. Get things that fit not baggy.

TERRICOVERLEYDoSAC Thu 25-Apr-13 20:32:56

Been in a similar place.

Would suggest you buy a couple of things now that make you feel really fantastic and give you a buzz when you look in the mirror - could be a great print/colour, a vibe you like or they highlight a bit of you you feel really good about. But only buy them if they lift your spirits.

Key is to invest now in things that put you back in touch with feeling good about your self, and then build on this feeling. Then repeat at really regular intervals (fortnightly?) as you recognise the progress you are making. Hanging on and building on that will keep you motivated.

Do not postpose getting nice things for yourself! You need to be feeling really positive about who you are and your committment to taking steps along this journey.

Money was tight for me so I often bought lovely things from Ebay which I couldn't have afforded from elsewhere. They lifted my spirits and I sold them again too as I lost weight! Avoid buying cheap cover-ups now to tide you over - completely depressing, profoundy unflattering and a waste of money. Buy stuff now that reinforces your personal sense of style and reconnects you with who you want to be. Go for aspirational brands if you can.

Guessing as a tall apple you'll look great in tailoring (fitted shapes?) and have fantastic long legs (jeans/ankle skimmers?). Dressipi can be a helpful resource?

Try not to be too hard on yourself - that body has done great things in producing DS. Give yourself a bit of time and you'll get to where you want to be.

Very best wishes

yellowhousewithareddoor Thu 25-Apr-13 19:53:13

I'm even larger (about 3 stone over my pregnancy weight). Traumatic birth, husband away during the week, exhaustion etc and just plain comfort eating.

Not too sure how to tackle it. I try walking but end up exhaustem by the end of the week 'overdoing' it. I've ended up so unfit and unhappy. I need energy to get through day and get them to bed so its a vicious circle. Desperate to do something though.

It certainly affects how I feel about myself. Bought some huge jeans and a top in Sainsburys today but don't feel great at least they aren't as small as what I was wearing :-(

PoohBearsHole Thu 25-Apr-13 19:41:49

Just to reiterate making yourself feel better, I realised I was puffing and panting to bend down after dc 1. I got a personal trainer then and whilst I am no skinny rib 14/16 my shape changed so when I had dc2 I found myself ina situation that my body was in better condition. I know that doesn't help now but that £100 could be spent on 4/5x pt sessions in your home to give you a boost smile

madmomma Thu 25-Apr-13 19:34:48

OP I feel the same. I just can't seem to shift the baby weight from my 2 littlest and I feel so old being this fat + flabby. I have wasted loads of money this year on clothes that I look a mess in because I'm dressing the body I used to have instead of the one I have now sad I am virtually housebound beecause dh works late and once the kids are in bed I tackle the mess and fall into bed. My youngest is 15m and I can't see a way out of the fat trap until she's in school. Totally given up. Sorry - none of that was helpful - I just wanted to say you're not alone. Watching with interest.x

KatyS36 Thu 25-Apr-13 19:18:36

Hello,

Whilst I agree with a lot of the posters re longer term weight loss, I think that you need to to something now to improve how you feel about yourself.

I was a 14 to 16 pre pregnancy, and a 18 afterwards. Now down to a 12 to 14 after a lot of hard work and still going down. I remember deciding not to buy any new clothes until back to pre pregnancy weight and then it suddenly hit me I was huge and had nothing nice to wear.

So I went shopping, and it massively helped. I just bought a few bits and pieces that fitted and flattered and I looked and felt miles better.

As a size 16 to 18 you will not be able to look skinny, and I wonder if that is difficult to deal with after being a 10? However, as a 16-18 there is no good reason why you can't look attractive, nice, stylish, confident and good. (Not claiming to have managed all of these, but I felt OK about how I looked once I had some decent clothes!).

I am a different shape to you, so can't offer specific advice, but I would suggest both going to a large store like debenhams and trying loads of stuff on. Loads and loads. Also suggest looking at what other woman your size whose style you like are wearing.

I didn't buy loads, but its amazing how knowing you have one nice outfit helps. £100 if spent carefully should be able to get a few options.

Good luck and I am glad you have had so many lovely replies.

Katy

carrie74 Thu 25-Apr-13 18:51:44

Poor you, you sound as though your confidence is really knocked. FWIW, I tend to agree with those who suggest trying to lose the weight. I was always a 10/12 before children and after my first, was a 16 (and had never had any weight issues before). I'd never dieted, or exercised to lose weight, but I just didn't feel like me (and actually, my H, as gently as possible, suggested he'd appreciate a return to form too - it wasn't as bad as that sounds, but it really kicked me into touch).

I used to go to my parents' house every couple of weeks, leave my DD with them for 1.5 hrs, then I had a personal trainer at the local state run gym. It's meant it only cost me £12.50 an hour. After the first couple of months, I saw him infrequently, as I was able to maintain the exercise in between (I also signed up for a 5k run, determined to be able to run it all, which I did). It wasn't expensive, having a PT was v encouraging, changed frequently to keep the interest, pushed me when I needed it, but didn't overdo it and put me off. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

IMO it's really worth exploring,lots of council gyms also have classes at the same time as a crèche. I think you'd very soon start to feel better about yourself, and with the next £100, you can buy ourself something fabulous for your new shape.

Good luck!

soaccidentprone Thu 25-Apr-13 14:39:57

I am in a similar position to you, having put on life loads of weight since I broke my leg and started taking antidepressants. I went to my uncles funeral earlier this year and one of my cousins didn't recognise me sad

m&s do jeans with different waist to hip ratio, so I don't know whether these are worth investigating? if you get jeans which are too tight on the waist they will cut your tummy in half.

don't go for tops which are too big or gathered - they will make you look bigger than you are. find tops which skim not cling. maybe wear boots which are the same colour as your trousers to lengthen your legs?

v necks or low scoop necks rather than round necklines.

and don't be so hard on yourself. it's difficult when you have small children.

maybe you could take your 10 month old to parent and baby classes at the swimming pool.

hope these all help

Pigsmummy Thu 25-Apr-13 14:20:26

Get a pedicure and either sandals or flip-flops for when the sun is shining? All winter i have been wearing a nice pair of brown flat boots all the time and realised that they were making me feel frumpy.

polyhymnia Thu 25-Apr-13 14:19:10

Aargh, sorry phone - did it again!
Meant to say people are far too busy worrying about their own problems and insecurities to take negative notice if everyone who passes them in the street. So do get and about. Good luck!

Pigsmummy Thu 25-Apr-13 14:16:49

Shift dress? Don't go for high necklines, v neck or cowel. My uniform currently is cropped trousers and nice bum covering long shirt. Could that work? on cooler days a nice long waterfall cardi?

Bootleg jeans with hipster not high waist might help? Try Matalan?

polyhymnia Thu 25-Apr-13 14:15:16

Sorry - wretched phone! Suggest hair cut and codour plus really good well-fitting bra. Your hair and your bra are there no matter what you wear and make a huge difference to look and confidence.
Also I'm sure other people are not criticising you as you fear. The vast majority of peo

QueenCadbury Thu 25-Apr-13 14:12:38

Hey fairy, sorry if I was so brutally honest. I really shouldn't have wine and then remember I didn't have tea!

Please don't be embarrassed about people seeing you. If they want to judge you or gossip about you then that says more about them than you. As you have a thyroid problem then as you say, you definately need to eat well. But I do think you will feel better about yourself if are proactive and increase your activity levels. It's amazing how many calories you can burn by pushing a buggy along. And the fresh air will make you feel better. After dc2 I joined buggy fit and that was great as it was walking in a group with other mums and no one cared what anyone else looked like.
Good luck.

polyhymnia Thu 25-Apr-13 14:11:40

Lots if good advice here (though I'm not at all a fan if Evans or other 'specialist ' plus size retailers - and at 16-18 toy really don't 'need' to go to them anyway).
My advice would be to spend some if the mOney on a really great hair cut and maybe c

LifeofPo Thu 25-Apr-13 14:10:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

teta Thu 25-Apr-13 14:05:10

I'm also apple shaped and smaller than you at 5 ft 3.I have a problem belly caused by 4 dc's[one set of twins] and genetics i guess.What works for me is exercising [cheers me up and makes me feel under control].Watching what i eat[my fitness pal is really good]as i bet if you are at home a lot you will be snacking more than you realise.Cutting down on carbs[drastic effect on size of belly here].I live in M&S pull on jeggings[wide elastic waistband so no belly overhang] in indigo/black.Long black vest tops from Matalan[bottom covering and hold everything in.But get 1-2 sizes bigger].As a top layer a basic crew neck t shirt[at the moment Matalan have them in white/black/cobalt].
Pair with comfy boots if cold or flipflops[fitflops are comfy for walking].
Just get out there and walk.No one will be talking about you and your weight gain.You will become depressed if you are at home all the time.Plus it won't be good for the baby.Do you go to any baby groups?there will be other mums in the same situation there.Pilates dvd's are good to start off with postnatally as is yoga [calming and strengthening].

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep Thu 25-Apr-13 14:02:55

Being a size 18 isn't the end of the world you know! grin

With summer on the way and all, I second the dresses suggestion. Maybe see if you can do a personal shopper wotsit at a department store?

Also make sure you have a good comfy pair of shoes, you're not going to get out and about much if you start limping 100 yards down the road. I have a pair of black Mary-jane style shoes with a trainer-type sole, they go with both all my dresses and I can walk for miles in them.

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