I need a hug

(18 Posts)
JustFabulous Thu 22-Nov-12 12:23:06

I decided to go out and buy myself a pair of shoes for carious reasons. Found the perfect shoes and could actually afford them. Really happy I have bought them. Then went and had my hair cut. Have been growing it for ages but not had it cut for nearly 3 months so was a mess. Impulsely went to a new salon and kind of thought I would have my fringe cut. I am now home having had a completely new style and with 4 inches of my hair cut off. Objectively I can see it looks nice but I feel a bit flat. Due on so blaming that and also I felt shaky and sick while having it done as I hate having my hair cut so maybe the results of that. When I have had my hair cut short I always regretted it afterwards as I am rubbish at doing my hair and generally can't face having it cut every 2 months.

I am plain and overweight. Always look a mess usually and just feel what is the point of doing my hair and wearing make up when I am never going to be pretty.

I don't mind not being beautiful as I have no looks to lose but I just feel really bleurgh and don't know why. If I do wear a bit of make up I feel self conscious like I am trying to be something I am not.

confused.

MrsRogerSterling Thu 22-Nov-12 12:49:26

Any new haircut takes a while to get used to, you will probably love it in a couple of days.

I am overweight and don't consider myself particularly attractive but I find when I make an effort with clothes and hair I do feel better about myself. With make up, I always fell overdone and like it's too obvious on me so only use, tinted moisturiser, brow pencil, mascara, blusher and lip balm. I love lipstick on other people but just feel like a clown when I wear it.

Also if you are due on it is never a good time to assess your looks, clothes as if at all like me you will feel bloated and a bit irrational grin

JustFabulous Thu 22-Nov-12 13:01:25

Thank you for replying. I expected a lot of blank space smile.

I have put some tinted moisturiser on and even that feels weird as I am used to pale old me with dark shadows under my eyes!

slug Thu 22-Nov-12 13:54:37

Here's the thing. Hair grows. If you hate your cut, it will eventually grow out and it's not like you have to look at it yourself, just avoid mirrors for a week or two till you are used to it. I recognise the feeling of sick/shakiness (I once sat sobbing in a hairdressers till the salon manager recut it) and I always find that for the week or two after having my hair cut I wear loads more makeup. It's just part of the cyclical nature of life.

iMe Thu 22-Nov-12 13:59:57

<hug>
sorry, that's all I can offer as I am also having a bleurgh-feeling day. I think part of my problem is low self esteem, maybe your s too? Good for you on the hair... I want a new hairstyle but lack the confidence to go for it.

QueefLatina Thu 22-Nov-12 16:50:40

Put on those lovely new shoes to cheer yourself up!

My new haircut (first since feb) is a bob with wispy bits dribbling out of the bottom to the middle of my back, not what I was hoping for!

I'll keep putting it up till it grows a bit I suppose.

Chin up love

anniewoo Thu 22-Nov-12 17:00:40

Ok. I know how you feel. I am plain, but boy do i work on it. First lose the weight - start with 10 minutes and gradually increase the time walking. No excuses - just do it. Then as weight drops why not go to a House of Colour advisor and get colours, style and make up done. Save up and/or get vouchers for birthday/ Christmas.
I make it sound so easy grin

JustFabulous Thu 22-Nov-12 17:07:29

15lbs weight loss so far grin.

maillotjaune Thu 22-Nov-12 17:21:22

Annie is right. I am trying to give myself a kick up the arse to lose weight (DS3 is 3 now so can't blame childbearing anymoreblush) and I think I am quite plain.

But - I know I look better without the weight; a good haircut makes me feel better just because it's not a mess; and wearing the right colours can make you look like a different person.

I haven't had my colours done, bit made an effort to look at colours that suited me after watching Trinny & Susannah years ago. I don't get it right all the time but when I do I get comments about what I'm wearing and it makes at least as much of a difference as make up.

((hug))

JustFabulous Fri 23-Nov-12 07:53:23

I feel like crying this morning as I found it really hard to do my hair and look like an old hag. Took ages to sleep last night as there is a problem with our newish windows so it sounds like there is a werewolf outisde. DD was just really rude to me and I am due on today. Have put make up on but just know once I wash my hair I won't be able to make it look half decent.

justasecond Fri 23-Nov-12 09:36:15

IMO no one is plain. There are those who make an effort and make the best of themselves and those who don't . There are plenty of stylish women who are not "beautiful". Your hairstyle sounds great, wear you new shoes and a smile and you will look brill.

slug Fri 23-Nov-12 11:56:11

Nah, I'm plain. There's no other word to describe it. The thing is I learned long ago not to really care what I looked like. Accepting that I was never going to be a beauty was actually quite liberating.

DH reckons one of the things he finds so attractive about me is I'm so low maintenance, it takes me less time to get ready to go out than him. wink

QueefLatina Fri 23-Nov-12 14:33:59

Wallis Simpson was plain and fabulous.

She once said 'I'm not as beautiful so I may as well be better dressed' or something like that grin

ujjayi Fri 23-Nov-12 14:51:54

It is so hard to not feel emotional in your situation. However, try and be proactive and make some long term changes.

Trying to lose weight is hard. It makes it even harder when we say "From [insert preferred day of week] I will begin my diet and exercise every day". That alone makes me want to eat my own body weight in chocolate and lay down in a dark room. Instead of piling on the pressure that way, start making small changes immediately:

1. From now on drink more water instead of tea/coffee. Take less milk/sugar than usual.

2. Walk instead of taking the car if at all possible. Otherwise just get yourself out to walk far enough and fast enough to feel out of breath and make the walk slightly longer each time. I know many of us say we don't have time for exercise but, if you are anything like me, you can always find 10 minutes to sit down for a cup of tea no matter how busy the day hmm smile

3. Start wearing a little make up each day. Tinted moisturiser, mascara, blusher and just lip balm will make you feel "done" but not too made up. Give it a couple of weeks like this and you'll soon find you feel more comfortable wearing more.

4. Before you reach for the biscuits/crisps/extra portion (or whatever is your temptation food), take a second to consider if you are really hungry or if you just "fancy it". I eat out of boredom in the evenings so I have to work really hard at saying no to the snacks. Cleaning your teeth is a great way of curbing hunger.

Finally, your hair will grow and you will start to feel better. You need to believe in yourself. And as for being plain.....over the summer I spotted a well-known supermodel at an event (I don't hang out with models.....she was playing a supporting role to her also famous DH who was hosting an event altogether more suited to 40-something mums and their offspring). She was, I have to say, disappointingly but somehow reassuringly plain in the flesh. Of course we know about the liberal use of Photoshop but I was very surprised, nonetheless. So, in short, you are in good company if indeed you are plain smile

QueenCadbury Fri 23-Nov-12 14:55:22

The point of having nice hair/make up etc is because you're worth it. Excuse the cheesy advert saying but it's true. But you have to believe that yourself. You say you feel as if you're being someone you're not so think about why you want to wear make up. Is it a genuine desire or are you doing it just to fit in at work/school gates etc? If you really want to wear it you just need to get a bit of confidence in yourself. Go to a make up counter and get some advice-doesn't have to be expensive-no7 in boots or body shop. As for the hair, give it time. I often find it takes about a week for my hair to settle after a cut and you will probably get the hang of it.
Enough of the preaching, I'll now give you a hug.

JustFabulous Fri 23-Nov-12 18:08:05

I think I have never bothered much with make up as I felt there was no point when I wasn't pretty. I have never had anyone to show me how to do it as don't have a mum. A couple of years ago I had make overs at two make up counters but the colours were all wrong or the product wasn't user friendly. They were expensive and no idea where to go now. I don't want to try an dbe something I am not but i have never felt so down on yself as I do at the moment. Lots of people have said how good my hair looks but in my head I am well it was so bad before, anything would be batter. The weight is coming off really slowly but at least it is coming off. I feel really low at the moment and I am blaming time of the month. Dh is being very sweet to me.

Phaedra11 Fri 23-Nov-12 20:40:29

I've never been beautiful either. When I was in my twenties I could probably pass for pretty on a good day but now I'm in my mid-forties, not a chance. Sometimes this gets me down. Other times, I wonder if it matters. When I think of all the people I like and love, their appearance really isn't a significant thing. As long as my husband thinks I'm attractive, no-one else matters. I do have days when I think why bother but then when I do make an effort and wear make-up and flattering clothes, I usually feel better for it.

Re make-up I would recommend watching some youtube videos, experimenting with samples (most make up counters will provide) and then buy full sized when you know what suits you. Personally I never wear lipstick as I don't like my mouth or teeth and think lipgloss or lipstick emphasizes them. I love mascara, eyeliner and eyeshadow though, as they make my eyes look bigger. And I couldn't cope without foundation. I use Clinique's Even Better and it makes me look ten years younger than when I go without.

But we all have different things going for us and different positive qualities. Conventional physical beauty is only one of those possibilities. Be you and be proud of it!

((hugs))

JustFabulous Sun 25-Nov-12 16:47:48

Still hating my hair, especially as I couldn't straighten it this morning so it flicks in all different directions. It dawned on me yesterday that I have never bothered doing hair and make up as I have felt things like that were for pretty people and what was the point as I am not.

I am fed up today tbh. Constant noise from the kids. Have been in the kitchen most of the day doing roast dinner and fruti pie then the kids teas. The cat has peed on the floor twice and I am just shattered. I look forward to the weekends but then DH and I still don't get any time together. He took the kids to the pictures this morning while I ironed and then cooked and then we have just been pottering about for the rest of the day. I have painted my nails but the colour is awful. <Kicks self>

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