When you and your 4 year-old don't agree

(85 Posts)
LaTrucha Thu 04-Oct-12 21:47:49

DD has just started school and wants to make sure she doesn't look 'babylish' (really, she's obiously picked it up and misheard it) and now we can't agree on anything clotheswise.

Things she has aske d me for lately are This little number

This

and leopard print

I want to sob. I know she feels anxious about the whole thing and I want to get something she likes but I can't resign myself to these (maybe the leopard?)or find anything we might agree on.

Any ideas what I could get her?

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts Fri 05-Oct-12 08:36:16

I don't like black on small children either...girls or boys...it's such an adult colour and so dreary.

I think they've all their lives to wear black....it's not cute or sweet....or fun....it's what policemen and office workers wear! Oh...and people who want to look thinner!

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts Fri 05-Oct-12 08:37:39

Having said that...my niece who is very, very blonde looks very eye catching in a black dress she had for a party....the contrast was lovely....but she is 9.

LaTrucha Fri 05-Oct-12 17:27:25

Hi,

I haven't been on since last night and haven't read proerly yet, but let me assure you, this is not a serious problem. It as quite a lighthearted post!

She gets to ssee them because we often pop in to use the loo in Matalan on the way home from school and they're on the way to the loo. And Matalan because we live in rural Wales and we have, Next, Matalan and M+Co and that's it.

And DD too, will never put on anything she doesn't like. If I buy something she doesn't like it sits ont he hanger until it's too small, so there's no point. Also she's excellent about schol uniform and getting dressed in general so when she's not at school I let her choose whatever she wants from what she's got. This includes none of the beautiful things bought for her by relatives from Monsoon, Polarn O Pyret etc last Christmas. Usually it's a bunny t'shirt and leggings.

Having said that, on our usual wee in Matalan today we past a tunic and leggings nd DD said, 'I like that mummy,' and I did too so there we are, job done Grey t'shirt with pink butterflys and brown leggings. Who'd have thought.

grin

I'll go back and look at your suggestions later on. We do still 'need' a party dress!

I

GreyGardens Fri 05-Oct-12 17:49:58

I think M%S have some great party-ish dresses at the mo, could your daughter be persuaded into something like this flowery ensemble? www.marksandspencer.com/Dresses-Young-Girls-1-7-yrs-Kids/b/56935031#page=2&sort=-product_site_launch_date&size=12
or this (I just bought it for my DD's 6th birthday and love it): www.marksandspencer.com/Autograph-Sequin-Embellished-Waistband-Dress/dp/B008ONLCQG?ie=UTF8&ref=sr_1_23&nodeId=56935031&sr=1-23&qid=1349455624 ?

mejon Fri 05-Oct-12 18:31:18

Hey you've forgotten Peacocks and Store21 wink!!

There's a really nice navy tunic/dress with red and white stripey sleeves in M&Co but it only goes up to a 4-5 or I'd have bought one for DD1. It isn't on the website but it is virtually identical to this from Boden but a little bit cheaper.

I quite like the Next tea-dress you linked to but it would be nicer in a different pattern/fabric.

LaTrucha Fri 05-Oct-12 19:29:22

See you there Mejon! wink

Oh I feel your pain. Dd is 8 and for the last 4 yrs is fussy over what she wears. We also seem to clash on taste. Dd likes anything with animal print/fluffy animals and leggings with everything. Also everything had to be pink. Now she's got older her tastes have been influenced by friends and black and darker colours are creaping in and the cute prom style dresses are out. Tonight we battled as she wanted leggings and a jumper for a party and I said nice skinny jeans. We've compromised on smart looking tunic and leggings. There will be times when what they like is hideous. I normally buy what I like and think she will like but then also give her the option of looking on line and selecting some. I've learnt that if she doesn't like it, its a waste of money as it will never get worn.

ElectricMonk Fri 05-Oct-12 21:35:51

1st two are fine - I don't think they'd look dreary at all if teamed with thick tights and a hairband in the same accent colour as the dress smile.

Animal print one is just ugly, and TBH I agree with your daughter that a Hello Kitty tunic-and-leggings ensemble is too cutesy for a school-age child.

If she particularly likes the shape of the two dresses in Matalan, can't you just find her a few tutu shape dresses in colours that you BOTH agree are nice?

I must admit, I really dislike the attitude that children old enough to express preferences about their clothes shouldn't be allowed to choose what they wear (within reason, depending on cost, quality and suitability). Her clothes shouldn't be an expression of your taste or desire to keep her young for as long as possible - they are for her to enjoy choosing and feeling good in, and she's a lot less likely to make ridiculous choices "because she can" as a teenager if she doesn't feel a need to rebel against your preferences (like I did to my poor mum who insisted on dressing me in pink cord jeans with butterflies on at age 10) smile.

LaTrucha Fri 05-Oct-12 21:36:42

DD finds looking at clothes online very offputting. I think there's too much for her to take in.

I agree about clothes she doesn't like. I learnt my lesson last Christmas: that gorgeous little Pumpkin Patch blouse still has the label on.

How I hate leggings. She wants them all the time. I can see that they're comfortable but I get Oscars for acting every time she asks me, 'Do I look smart mummy?'

ElectricMonk Fri 05-Oct-12 21:37:26

PS - I didn't mean that the third dress was totally horrible - the cut is nice, but the print is not! Sorry for the excessively blunt phrasing smile.

RillaBlythe Fri 05-Oct-12 21:44:37

My 4 yo DD has this thing about dresses that reach the floor, so insists on wearing a lurid floral print with padded shoulders that my MIL had for my SIL in the 80s & passed on to her - it's for a 12 year old or something & she looks RIDICULOUS but considers it her party dress.

As a general rule though, she does choose her clothes. I do a bit of editing, & I make unilateral decisions about some things, but I want clothes to be something we share as a mother-daughter thing...

LaTrucha Fri 05-Oct-12 22:12:33

Electic Monk - That is exactly where I come from too. I don't think anything I 've said suggests otherwise. She chooses everything she wears and I think thats the way it should be. Just hate those dresses.

And she bloody LOVES Hello Kitty, I tell you.

LaTrucha Fri 05-Oct-12 22:13:32

Obviously it also doesn't mean she gets everything she chooses but what she does get she has chosen.

ElectricMonk Fri 05-Oct-12 23:27:30

I'm sorry LaTrucha, I should have made it clear that my comment about attitudes wasn't aimed at you - more at a couple of posts in this thread and things I've heard more generally, suggesting that this shouldn't be an issue because the parents' preferences are the primary consideration. I completely agree with you BTW smile.

If she loves HK (and the tutu dresses) but not the tunic and leggings combo, I'm guessing that what she wants is more "grown up" but girly silhouettes to her clothes. Maybe something like one of the dresses below would be a good middle ground?

http://www.debenhams.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/prod_10001_10001_225020700505_-1?breadcrumb=Home~Kids~Girls+dresses

http://www.marksandspencer.com/Cotton-Navajo-Print-Leggings-Outfit/dp/B002ZZGYOY?ie=UTF8&ref=sr_1_16&nodeId=56937031&sr=1-16&qid=1349475674

http://www.marksandspencer.com/Autograph-Cotton-Frill-Ra-Ra-Dress/dp/B003FYOIBU?ie=UTF8&ref=sr_1_24&nodeId=56937031&sr=1-24&qid=1349475762

ElectricMonk Fri 05-Oct-12 23:32:48

(Oops, just realised that I still automatically add 2 years when choosing clothes because all of the children in my family have been unusually big for their ages... Sorry about that - it gives a vague idea anyway!)

LaTrucha Sat 06-Oct-12 07:29:05

You could be right about the shape. I'll bear it in mind. I think I'm just flummoxed because I have been to buy with exactly what she likes in mind, not my taste, but I haven't got it yet. Then, like yesterday, we both simultaneusly go, 'Oh. That's nice' and there we are. The first thing she asked for this morning was her new top and leggings. At 6am. A success of sorts.

fedupofnamechanging Sat 06-Oct-12 07:39:30

My dd has a black and pink dress, similar to the first two links and she looks beautiful in it. I don't really see the problem with children wearing black - it's just another colour, after all.

The leopard print monstrosity, should be outlawed!

Funny how Next can make that hideous dress, but also make those lovely jumper dresses with the bows (in grey and pale pink, linked to up thread). No consistency.

Glad you found something you like, OP.

OwedToAutumn Sat 06-Oct-12 07:53:23

It does make me chuckle, that when our DC are baies, we are so proud of their tiny steps towards independence - holding a toy, using a spoon, crawling, walking.

But by about 4, we have gradually become horrified that this is a person separate to our selves, and we begrudge every attempt by them to show their own personality, or to otherwise be independent.

OwedToAutumn Sat 06-Oct-12 07:54:59

babies

Zara1984 Sat 06-Oct-12 08:07:14

The first two dresses are cute! FGS I thought you were going to link to a tshirt with a pedo-encouraging slogan.

Pick your battles.... save you energy until she is 14 and wants to wear no coat and a lurid green skirt up to her crotch and glittery lipgloss!

I do not understand what is wrong with black on children. If they want to wear it, go for it. Your kids are not your cute little dollies to dress up hmm Maybe I'm just saying this as a NZer - lots of kids wear black back home! grin

Zara1984 Sat 06-Oct-12 08:09:23

Sorry - have just seen you found a solution. Hurrah! smile

GloriaTechnicolour Sat 06-Oct-12 08:13:07

Agree op, those dresses are hideous.

RustyBear Sat 06-Oct-12 08:37:11

I always liked DD in black, even when she was quite small, though she usually wore it with another colour - but I don't think this, or any of the next three pictures here look dreary at all.

I think I was quite lucky with DD's clothes when she was little, because I got lots of them from nearly new sales at school and I regularly got stuff there which had previously been worn by an older girl that DD knew and adored, so if Natasha had worn it, even though it was two years ago, it was fine by her!

She had lots of phases - loved pink, hated pink, loved dresses, hated dresses etc and there were a few clashes as she grew up, but generally I let her have a fairly major say in what she wore, and she has turned into someone with a very definite sense of style - these days she tends to give me style advice, not the other way round!

RustyBear Sat 06-Oct-12 08:41:56

That link didn't work the way I thought it would!

Other images are here here and here

Preview this time!

needanswers Sat 06-Oct-12 08:45:56

There is nothing wrong with them, and given she is asking for a party dress, and you are linking to woolly jumpers, I can see why you disagree.

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