OH MY GOD MY FANJO IS ON FIRE

(99 Posts)
VivianDarkbloom Thu 22-Mar-12 13:12:26

WHO WAS IT <glares at GetOrf and TattyDevine> that told me to Nair "sensitive" my undermost undercarriage?!

I obeyed and have previously applied carefully with a round mirror and then sat zen-like in the Lotus position for the full 15 mins before swaggering carefully to the shower a la John Wayne for removal, but this is my fourth time and I got cocky and didn't bother with the mirror, and then the bastard postman knocked while I was fanjomeditating and I had to walk downstairs and answer with a towel wrapped round my waist.

The result is that the Nair seems to have smeared into my innermost fanjo and although it didn't hurt that much when I was showering it off, I have just attempted a wee and I nearly screamed in pain. IT BURNS. I have just now retrieved my round mirror and a bit right down near my bum is scarlet and raw sad <wails>

Is there a quick fix? It's smothered in Sudocrem but I'll need to finish that wee soon enough. HELp

twoistwiceasfun Mon 26-Mar-12 15:19:35

<snurk> grin

VivianDarkbloom Mon 26-Mar-12 14:00:58

Um...

No...

not without barrier cream and template pants

twoistwiceasfun Mon 26-Mar-12 13:59:49

You are going to do it again, aren't you grin

VivianDarkbloom Mon 26-Mar-12 13:37:15

Template pants grin

Excellent idea...

twoistwiceasfun Mon 26-Mar-12 13:32:23

Next time, and I suspect there will be a next time wink, wear an old pair of knickers and use that as a template so to speak. Then if you have to get out of the lotus position, the cream will only ruin the pants, and not the rest of your fanjo.

Aperolspritzer Sun 25-Mar-12 23:20:50

got tears reading this, 'flaps' you say - oh well done

but sorry of course, blush

TattyDevine Sun 25-Mar-12 18:01:27

Just post a vid of the piss flaps technique will you for those who didn't get it the first time... grin

VivianDarkbloom Sun 25-Mar-12 17:07:08

TATTY. You show your face at last. I'd almost given up on you. I note a distinct lack of contriteness angry Just because you're a genius at making waves with GHDs, doesn't mean you get to go burning orf people's innermosts FOR FUN AND SPORT angry

Thanks for the piss flaps wisdom though. That kinda makes up for the Fiery Fanjo(n)...

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Sat 24-Mar-12 21:52:10

Changing the subject slightly, but did anybody read the Classic thread about the funniest bits of childbirth? There's one poster in there, who (IIRC) tried to immac her fanjo before birth, but didn't think it had worked, until the midwife went down there and all her pubes fell off! grin that story always makes me chuckle!

MissFoodie Sat 24-Mar-12 20:34:27

no, I didn't say anything about Nair Sensitive - I said I use Nair for Coarse Hair.....leave it on for 10 mins....never a problem
blush

SuperSlattern Sat 24-Mar-12 08:53:39

Tatty you are evil grin

That's an image it didn't want in my head

TattyDevine Sat 24-Mar-12 08:39:37

OOh! Bwahahahahaha.

Now OP, much as I am sympathetic to your Fanjo of Fire, I don't think we so much "told you to do it" as opposed to saying how we did it with no ill effects.

Certainly I have never got the stuff in my most innermost bits and if I did I'd imagine that would hurt!

Anyway, if you pull your piss flaps completely aside when you wee in theory the wee shouldn't touch any sore bits (haha I'm getting a visual now) grin

OTheHugeManatee Sat 24-Mar-12 07:02:48

I think I like 'FANJON' nearly as much as 'Vagine' grin

VivianDarkbloom Sat 24-Mar-12 00:29:33

eurochick 10-15 recommended for Nair... Nair SENSITIVE, you understand. Foodie/Tatty/msrm/GetOrf/ postie/DP were VERY specific about that. It must be SENSITIVE you know, else you might sustain, oh, I don't know, a BURN TO THE FANJON.

Hatumph.

eurochick Fri 23-Mar-12 22:31:13

You left it on for 15 minutes??? Is that advised for Nair? I have used Veet down there with no adverse effects but the pack only advises leaving that on for 3-6 minutes (depending on which one you get). I hop into the shower at the first sign of a tingle - the sign that my bits are getting irritated- regardless of whether or not it has been on for the alloted time or not. This method seems to work for me. I've had no apparent ill effects and I've been doing this for years.

MissMacross Fri 23-Mar-12 22:04:14

Suddenly I've never been so glad I stick to plain old razors. (And I never thought I'd say THAT about my nether regions.)

katfashion Fri 23-Mar-12 17:24:49

have you thought of waxing?!

katfashion Fri 23-Mar-12 17:24:26

I've spent all day dealing with a sick child...this thread has made me laugh out loud, thanks.
ps sorry about your fanjo

NormaStanleyFletcher Fri 23-Mar-12 14:44:39

MUCH respect at doing the deed with a burn down there ! SWMNBN toils be proud ;)

And Arf at the safe word

StellaAndFries Fri 23-Mar-12 13:00:36

OP I'm literally feeling the same pain, we are going away this afternoon so I thought I'd better sort out the old fanjo in preparation for a swimming cossie, whacked the nair on and removed without a wince, had a wee a couple of hours later and by Christ it burns! I daren't wee again now.

VivianDarkbloom Fri 23-Mar-12 12:43:25

So! I still have Liz Arden down there wink but it’s much better today! Still carefully angling pee at a strict 45 degrees though. Missed the advice about cranberry juice until it was too late and have just downed a vat of freshly-squeezed orange… Oops. That’s gonna hurt. <crosses legs>

Also <TMI> DP and I actually did the dirty last night shock I had warned him that the Safe Word was OUCHOUCHSTOPITGETORFNOITHURTSITHURTSOUCHOUCHOUCH

I notice that only MissFoodie is brave enough to show her face angry Presumably all of the other responsible parties are cowering in the undergrowth. Tatty GetOrf missmartin and postman YOU CAN RUN, BUT YOU CANNOT HIDE <sinister>

Honeydragon Fri 23-Mar-12 12:33:55

I have veeted my bits and the baby and I am not a nethers hating troll. However like everything it does not pay to be complacent, and answering the door was a baaaaaaaaaaaad idea.

I only got it slightly in a place I didn't want it legging it downstairs to let the dog out and it was rather fidgety for a couple of days.

OTheHugeManatee Fri 23-Mar-12 10:42:39

Your poor vagine sad

Sit on a bag of frozen peas?

That'll larn you. A hairy fadge is a happy fadge

MissFoodie Fri 23-Mar-12 10:16:45

er, yes blush

piratecat Fri 23-Mar-12 10:14:39

you put it on your flaps.

omg, i thought it was only for stragglers on inner thighs.

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