OH MY GOD MY FANJO IS ON FIRE

(99 Posts)
VivianDarkbloom Thu 22-Mar-12 13:12:26

WHO WAS IT <glares at GetOrf and TattyDevine> that told me to Nair "sensitive" my undermost undercarriage?!

I obeyed and have previously applied carefully with a round mirror and then sat zen-like in the Lotus position for the full 15 mins before swaggering carefully to the shower a la John Wayne for removal, but this is my fourth time and I got cocky and didn't bother with the mirror, and then the bastard postman knocked while I was fanjomeditating and I had to walk downstairs and answer with a towel wrapped round my waist.

The result is that the Nair seems to have smeared into my innermost fanjo and although it didn't hurt that much when I was showering it off, I have just attempted a wee and I nearly screamed in pain. IT BURNS. I have just now retrieved my round mirror and a bit right down near my bum is scarlet and raw sad <wails>

Is there a quick fix? It's smothered in Sudocrem but I'll need to finish that wee soon enough. HELp

hazchem Thu 22-Mar-12 14:17:01

Maybe stand in the show with shower head pointed at but water going down and away from your fango like if you had burned a less sensitive area. but do it for like 20 minutes which is the length of time you wash a chemical burn.
I personally wouldn't put any cream on it. Just plenty of cold water.

Good luck with the next wee!

Bletchley Thu 22-Mar-12 14:18:22

You must have really wanted whatever was in that parcel

ElectricSoftParade Thu 22-Mar-12 14:20:00

Yes Vivian, I listened to those two and did much the same thing. It will stop hurting in a few days hours, keep applying the cream.

Mind you, when I showed DH he actually screamed and cowered away from me. That made it worthwhile grin.

8 hour cream helped me a lot.

You could wee in the shower, water running <helpful>

Or - as the wee comes from a wee hole further up, you could sort of buffer the area with loo roll and bend forward at the waist - then the wee goes straight into the loo with no touching IYSWIM. Or so I found postchildbirth, anyway.

SuperSlattern Thu 22-Mar-12 14:21:38

Pinot grin

There is no way I'd put a chemical that dissolves anything on my fanjo <helpful>

I think you should go to your local a and e. At least you'll make them chuckle grin

Doyouthinktheysaurus Thu 22-Mar-12 14:23:25

I may have made thisup but I think the advice for severe cystitis is wee in the bathconfused dilutes the urine and all that! Not very clean obviously but may soothe the pain!

Disclaimer: that may have come from my mum and have no medical logic or whatever behind itgrin

Sorry for your unfortunate fanjo incident op, hope things improve soon. Yoghurt always seems nice and soothing too.

Pinot Thu 22-Mar-12 14:25:49

The silver lining in all this is that I've learnt a new excellent saying "fanjo inferno".

I mean, it's not a silver lining for you, dear flaming OP, but I'm happy smile

Hassled Thu 22-Mar-12 14:26:35

Yes yes - go to A&E grin. Try and make it the hospital where the film "The Real A&E", even if that means a lengthy drive with the fanjo inferno.

Rainydayagain Thu 22-Mar-12 14:31:54

Wee in the bath! Midwives trick for stitches, tears etc. It works. Cut fluid intake for a few days.

Sorry but i roared with laughter at man reading 50mins....too funny.

Sudocrem lashings!!

FanjoForTheMammaries Thu 22-Mar-12 14:39:31

i read the title as "OH MY GOD, FANJO IS ON FIRE" and I was thinking "but I haven't posted very much recently".. grin

Seriously though, sympathies, that sounds awful.

is this a good time to remind you all that we are SUPPOSED to have pubic hair?

Hassled Thu 22-Mar-12 14:43:33

Fanjo grin

TMMJ - yes, good point. Personally I think the woman in the 70s edition of the Joy of Sex had it right.

Rainydayagain Thu 22-Mar-12 14:45:39

Probably better to remind people any idiot can give advice on the internet( my dh favourite comment) when i say but look at this...

Not being smug have a mn hair cut and do ocm - as much a sheep.

NormaStanleyFletcher Thu 22-Mar-12 15:03:20

How's the second half of the wee coming along?

<<overly nosey>>

Sparklingblue Thu 22-Mar-12 15:07:54

I'm intrigues by MessNessPess's advice re the jug of warm water when weeding. Might give the neighbours a bit of a fright smile

WandaDoff Thu 22-Mar-12 15:14:34

We found a 70s copy of the joy of sex when we were clearing out MIL stuff.

Hilariously funny grin

theseventhdwarf Thu 22-Mar-12 15:43:07

Ah op you have my sympathies.
sad
I found A squirty bottle (sports water bottle) filled with tepid water helped peeing after dc's.
Hope you heal up quickly.

AbsofAwesomeness Thu 22-Mar-12 15:51:00

Have you tracked down GetOrf and Tatty? As it's all their fault it's only fair that they attend to your ravaged bits.

iCANdothisiCAN Thu 22-Mar-12 15:56:35

Woh oh ho, your fadge is on fiiiiiiiiiire!

Sorry, couldn't resist wink

My old housemate (male) once came home from work to find me washing the pots. Only after turning to him and saying "hi, how was your day" did I remember I had Immac on my tache.

I know that doesn't help but just serves as another reminder that hair removal cream is evil. fact.

zipzap Thu 22-Mar-12 16:02:48

Op - time to change your username to fanjo inferno!

sweetheart Thu 22-Mar-12 16:05:17

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!! grin

Thant is all grin

MissFoodie Thu 22-Mar-12 16:24:16

sh*t
think it was me and mrs martin that told you to do it.......
we both do (brazilian with veet) and never have any problems.......!
sorry sad

VivianDarkbloom Thu 22-Mar-12 16:31:50

MissFoodie angry was it REALLY you? I thought better of mrs martin with her damn amazing S&B advice.

Norma thanks for your concern wink I did sue's trick of leaning forward while I peed to keep it away from The Burn, it wasn't that bad... I have Elizabeth Arden down there now. DP is going to be utterly flummoxed when I explain why I'm out of action tonight. Actually I might make him the sixth person responsible for this (that's 1.*MissFoodie*, 2.*mrsmartin*, 3.the postman, and I still haven't forgiven 4.Getorf and 5.Tatty because I'm Being Unreasonable) because he actually noticed shock the first time I did it and said it was "nice". HIS FAULT.

pantaloons Thu 22-Mar-12 16:37:00

I might have done this before and if that had been the case I might have put Bepanthen on it regularly for a few days. It might make a really good barrier.

Only might mind you! grin

MissFoodie Thu 22-Mar-12 16:44:16

er.... I vaguely recall being on same thread with her and we both recommended it....yes....I even use the Nair Coarse Hair cream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We both do it once a week and never have any problems.....

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