OH MY GOD MY FANJO IS ON FIRE

(99 Posts)
VivianDarkbloom Thu 22-Mar-12 13:12:26

WHO WAS IT <glares at GetOrf and TattyDevine> that told me to Nair "sensitive" my undermost undercarriage?!

I obeyed and have previously applied carefully with a round mirror and then sat zen-like in the Lotus position for the full 15 mins before swaggering carefully to the shower a la John Wayne for removal, but this is my fourth time and I got cocky and didn't bother with the mirror, and then the bastard postman knocked while I was fanjomeditating and I had to walk downstairs and answer with a towel wrapped round my waist.

The result is that the Nair seems to have smeared into my innermost fanjo and although it didn't hurt that much when I was showering it off, I have just attempted a wee and I nearly screamed in pain. IT BURNS. I have just now retrieved my round mirror and a bit right down near my bum is scarlet and raw sad <wails>

Is there a quick fix? It's smothered in Sudocrem but I'll need to finish that wee soon enough. HELp

NormaStanleyFletcher Thu 22-Mar-12 13:14:13

<<calls fire brigade>>

(helpful)

NormaStanleyFletcher Thu 22-Mar-12 13:15:07

Sorry blush

Sudocreme is the only thing I can recommend.

Hopefully someone more useful will be along by the time I click post message

MamaMaiasaura Thu 22-Mar-12 13:16:48

Lol sorry

VivianDarkbloom Thu 22-Mar-12 13:17:05

Norma I rather fancy getting my fanjo sprayed at high velocity by a crowd of uniformed men...

<base>

NO! STOP JOKING I'M IN PAIN.

Jackstini Thu 22-Mar-12 13:17:10

Sit on an icepack?
OUCH!

piprabbit Thu 22-Mar-12 13:17:57

I'm sorry, but if you will go around slathering your most sensitive parts in a chemical that dissolves hair then you might expect a little smarting.

You wouldn't pour drain cleaner on your fanjo if MN told you to would you. Would you?

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Thu 22-Mar-12 13:19:16

According to mn veet is drain cleaner...

headfairy Thu 22-Mar-12 13:20:15

resort to the time honoured method of peeing when you've had a baby, pour a jug of warm water over your nether regions as you pee, then reapply tons of Sudocreme and vow to never answer the doorbell when your fanjo is smeared with chemicals again

MessNessPess Thu 22-Mar-12 13:21:07

Jug of warm water when weeding and lashings of cream be it sudocreme or other nappy creams, I find bepanthan better tbh.

MessNessPess Thu 22-Mar-12 13:22:10

Also apply cotton wool to areas needing protection before hand next time!!

AbsofAwesomeness Thu 22-Mar-12 13:22:23

Repeat after me "ignore everything GetOrf says"

VivianDarkbloom Thu 22-Mar-12 13:31:23

piprabbit I probably would actually sad

VivianDarkbloom Thu 22-Mar-12 13:31:49

<glances woefully at dusty, rejected Babyliss Big Hair>

picnicbasketcase Thu 22-Mar-12 13:33:35

Aren't you supposed to just use it for the edges? I thought it said on the paackaging not to use on actual genital areas hmm

VivianDarkbloom Thu 22-Mar-12 13:35:26

picnic I wasn't suposed to be, just supposed to be doing the ahem flaps. BECAUSE GETORF AND TATTY TOLD ME TO

I blame the postman and GetOrf and Tatty

fussbucket Thu 22-Mar-12 13:40:06

Gobsmacked this post was not started by ChaosTrulyReigns, the queen of the fanjo disaster. Headfairy's idea sounds the best so far, hope you get your wee out without screaming soon.

YusMilady Thu 22-Mar-12 13:40:46

But the flaps ARE the actual gential area! Your poor, poor fadge. sad

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Thu 22-Mar-12 13:43:57

My brothers friend did this. He wanted to do his ahem, down below parts, and read the instructions wrong. For 5 minutes he read 50 minutes. He applied liberally to his B,S,C. when he showered, a lot of his skin came off. He had serious chemical burns! shock

picnicbasketcase Thu 22-Mar-12 13:44:27

Ouch, that's not good then. I used some on my legs a while ago (having previously used it with no probs) which seemed to burn/blister the skin in places which resulted in little weepy patches, I pretty much decided to never use it again so definitely wouldn't put it near me bits. Go with the pouring water whilst you wee suggestion, hope it heals soon <wince>

NormaStanleyFletcher Thu 22-Mar-12 13:47:13

OK - I have googled and this is the advice on a hair removal site who knew such a thing existed

Treat a chemical burn like any other burn. That is, apply a cool compress, apply some aloe or bacitracin ointment such as Neosporin, and keep the area clean. Unless you are burned severely it should clear up in a couple days.

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney Thu 22-Mar-12 13:52:56

Ow ow ow ow ow

Sorry for your vagine OP.

No Next delivery is worth that pain, let the postman ring twice, or many times, next time.

Pinot Thu 22-Mar-12 13:56:44

Cor.

Bet that smarts <helpful>

Let this be a lesson to us all ladies, EMBRACE THE BUSH wink

VivianDarkbloom Thu 22-Mar-12 14:07:13

Oh God, is it really a chemical burn?? I don't know what I thought, just irritation from harshness... A BURN sounds so severe. And on my fanjo.

And are my outer flaps really genital? They're skin, not flesh iyswim?

Aaaaaarg I need to do the wee but I'm too scared

EnjoyResponsibly Thu 22-Mar-12 14:08:55

I think it's jolly unfair to blame the Postie for your fanjo inferno (there's a catchy song in there somewhere grin) but yeah by all means blame GetOrf and Tatty.

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