I have lost my passion for my studies

(5 Posts)
agyieus Fri 13-Dec-13 00:06:10

I am a regular lurker and an occasional poster, but have name changed for this thread as it just feels really personal. I've posted this in Chat as well, as there's more traffic.

I'm 30, a mature student doing a BSc in Architecture at one of the best universities in the UK. Currently I am in my final year.

I have loved architecture and have dreamt of becoming an architect my whole life and once I got the opportunity to actually fulfil my dream I jumped at the opportunity. My first two years were fantastic- one of top 5 students in the entire year, no subject below 75%, lots of passion, dedication, time investment and so on. Then this year came and I am literally indifferent to it all. I don't know what happened, it was just SOMETHING that happened almost overnight. All of that drive, passion and dedication just disappeared. And so did my skills. In 7 weeks I have gone from being one of the best to being the worst, and I don't know why! I still love the subject but I just can no longer bring myself to do anything. All my drawings are terrible- it's as if someone who's never been anywhere near a computer drew them, never mind actually has used a CAD based programme. My tutors have noticed it too, obviously, but haven't really been very helpful- can't blame them, how can they help someone who won't help themselves.

And that's the thing. I don't know how to help myself. I don't know what to do! How do I get my drive, imagination and everything else back? I want to finish this degree. I want to be back at the top. At least that's what I am telling myself in my head. I don't actually feel that desire.

It's not depression (GP said so), as all the other areas of my life have been unaffected. It's just my studies that are suffering.

So, if someone has been through something similar or maybe someone has some advice on how to deal with this, please do share it. I am desperate at this point.

joanofarchitrave Fri 13-Dec-13 00:10:22

That sounds quite scary.

I have done two degrees blush and in both cases I found the final term/two terms a real slog, lost some drive and didn't enjoy them. So in that case I can relate, but I felt it was just that there was a lot of work to do and that I was tired of being broke a student, not that I had lost all interest in the subject itself.

Can you pinpoint when you felt the difference? During the vacation, as you started the first lectures of the year, halfway through the term, first assignment…?

agyieus Fri 13-Dec-13 00:21:38

Joan, I can't pinpoint exactly when it happened, but it was definitely at the beginning of this term. First 2 weeks. I didn't really notice it at first, just thought, oh, maybe I'm tired, but that was nothing that I hadn't felt before. It's just gone downhill since.

And do you know what the worst thing is? I'm not even worried about failing. Before failure was never an option, but now….. whatever (preferably read in a moody 15-year olds voice).

joanofarchitrave Fri 13-Dec-13 00:59:26

OK, so perhaps you will fail. It does happen.

In the meantime, perhaps let go of the need to feel emotionally invested and passionate. You're a professional, or almost - so you keep going when you're not 'feeling it'. You DO have skills that you have developed, so keep working away. Don't let the drive for perfection stop you completing work. If it's awful, get some peer feedback - what specifically could you do to improve? Keep putting one foot in front of the other because this goal is what you wanted to do - if you no longer want to be an architect at the end of it, so be it, but get to the end of the course whatever you do.

agyieus Fri 13-Dec-13 01:31:21

That's the problem- when I am not emotionally invested in something, I am not invested in it at all.

It's actually ridiculous how all these skills that took thousands of hours to acquire have just disappeared.

Perhaps I do need to take a step back, take a deep breath and just take it slow. Do one drawing instead of 6 in a week. I hadn't thought of it before.

It's funny how logical this suggestion is.

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