Struggling

(8 Posts)
seesawdog Tue 22-Oct-13 17:53:26

I'm currently studying my 3rd year of a drama degree. I got pregnant at the end of my second year and took a year out while pregnant and after baby. I've been back for 4 weeks now, my son is 9 months old and I have a OH.
OH works evenings 6 days a week and I don't work.
I'm just really struggling with stress and my time management. OH doesn't really do a lot as he looks after baby in the day and works at night, I try to explain that he could get something done in the day with baby, but he doesn't get it. He is a lovely man and I love him very much... Just not very good at multi-tasking/tidying.
The problem is I just can't physically find enough time to do everything that needs doing, I have literally no me time, and even if I do find time to dye my hair or have a bath I end up feeling awful afterwards, cause I should have probably hoovered the stairs...
The past week has been so hard, me and OH have argued everyday about something, I've spent about 70% of my time crying surrounded by piles of laundry/ baby toys/ paper work. I'm getting to the point where I really can't cope anymore but can see no way to make my life any easier!
Dos anyone have any time management tips or advice on how to pick myself up out of this rut?

dyslexicdespot Tue 22-Oct-13 19:03:04

Oh, poor you! Have you been in contact with the counselling service at your university?

Being in your final year would be stressful without a baby, it is completely understandable that you are feeling overwhelmed. Good luck!

coffeewineandchocolate Tue 22-Oct-13 19:05:19

Can you leave dp a list if tasks to do and how long they will take to help him realise what needs done and when he can fit it in?

dyslexicdespot Tue 22-Oct-13 19:41:48

Just to add a bit more, keep in mind that it is OK to have a messy house. A baby makes it close to impossible to have a clean one -this is what i tell myself at least!

It sounds like your OH does a lot, taking care of a baby six days a week and working nights six days a week. Unless I have misread your post, I would think that he would be exhausted as well.

seesawdog Wed 23-Oct-13 00:03:12

The list might help him to be fair!
I do struggle with a messy house, DP constantly tells me to leave it but I do struggle!
He only has to look after baby 4 days a week and I am only out of the house 3 hours at a time. I do understand he does a lot and I don't expect him to much more. He does however carve out a lot of time for himself, including 1 1/2 hours a the gym every day, he works till midnight so I always get up with baby, he has a lot more friends than I do so often skips off, without baby, to spend time with them. I'm really not resentful or want him to stop doing these things, they make him happy, but I just wish I had more time to do this kind of thing (I really could do with joining a gym!)
It's just very soul sapping to look at such a long list of things to do everyday!

likelytoasksillyquestions Wed 23-Oct-13 06:00:45

Is this like a reverse AIBU? Sorry you're feeling rough OP but when I was at home with a 9mo, if my imaginary partner had presented me with a list of chores I should be doing at the same time, I'd have been furious. I was looking after the baby!

Admittedly, I know nothing about sharing chores with a partner when there's a baby in the mix. My flat was always messy when DS was that age it still is now but I was of course cooking and washing up etc. And there was nobody else to care.

I would focus on ways to deal with stress, rather than ways to get DP to tidy up more.

seesawdog Wed 23-Oct-13 19:18:28

I really don't expect him to tidy and clean, it's just the constant assumption that I don't actually do much that grates on me. His solution is to leave it, which I guess is the only solution, just not one I can live with.
I do see how hard he works and appreciate him enabling me to continue studying.
This post wasn't supposed to be about ways to get my partner to figure out how the washing machine works, more to do with ways to organise myself... I've searched online for stress reliving, but then all involve relaxing, which atm I don't really have time to do. Obviously I need to work on my time management, but don't really know how to organise myself better?

singlestudentmum Fri 15-Nov-13 09:39:02

the best thing to do is play on his strengths and not his weaknesses ... if cleaning is something he is incapable of doing but he doesnt mind doing the food shopping, then ask him to do this instead.

as for the stress with university, it will always be there - teachers dont treat students with children differently ... however make sure you communicate with people in the class often, that way when youre really stressed, just take a day off - let everything go and just play with your son and have fun. then ask them to send you their notes for class that day. because it is pointless to try and study when youre stressed. if you just recharge for one day you will have the power to keep going again, and study a lot better and efficiently the next days.

as for organisation, one thing i do which really helps me is to spend one hour in the evening when the baby is in bed to set everything up for the next day - i already prepare the coffee machine, do all the dishes, clean the bottles, put all the baby bath stuff ready etc. with your son in bed and the father at work it will get cleaned in no time. then in the morning when you wake up, its not hectic and stressful.

try to focus on whats important, which is university and your son - its ok if the 'big chores' like cleaning the bathroom, hoovering etc. are left for one or two more days and if you spend that one hour in the evening organising everything the daily chores wont pile up.

when it gets too much, what helps me and are a few stress relievers which are great for your son too: i put in headphones and go for a long, long walk with the stroller. or i put my son in his laychair, put on music and just excercise at home, which he finds hilarious. and nothing is greater than dropping everything for an hour and just to have fun.

keep in mind: a happy mummy makes a happy baby

its very tough, but youre doing a great job! keep going and stay strong!

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