any medical students out there?

(21 Posts)
splashymcsplash Sat 08-Dec-12 18:28:14

Just that really.. be great to hear from some other med student parents.

cafecito Sun 16-Dec-12 18:11:54

hi splashy, I'm a medical student. I have a DS who is nearly 3. I am exhausted!

cafecito Sun 16-Dec-12 18:14:40

I'm a single parent but this is my second career really (i'm in my twenties, I did law before). I found the first year almost impossible but did pretty well in the end, it was torturous though. This year I am now very behind as I have missed almost all the lectures since the start of the semester and I have exams coming up. My biggest problems are doign work if DS is around, and placements that I do, they just go ooon and ooon and I always leave really late. I do lots of other shifts and things too, I find it really quite hard with DC, but I'm determined to persevere! How about you?

splashymcsplash Fri 21-Dec-12 23:17:00

Hi cafecito smile

Sorry it took me so long to reply to you - I have been pretty busy with placement and my dd. I only got signed off today!

I can totally identify with everything you say. I am a single mum too. My dd is a bundle of energy, and I also can't revise with her around.

People think I'm nuts when they here about her.

How are you coping with the balancing act?

cafecito Sun 23-Dec-12 03:03:05

badly!! grin DS was lving with my family briefly at one point because I couldn't handle it, but that;s not really an option any more, they're so far away anyway and they can't keep on helping. I just have to treat it like a full time job, and try and squeeze as much work into the hours I can. I haven't done this yet though, I am amazing at procrastinating. I'm a bit miserable really at the moment lots of what was I thinking, I had a good career, why have I done this, IM GOING TO FAIL kind of thoughts - not helped by impending exams and the whole semester I haven't done any of yet. I intend to cope with the balancing act a lot better than I am. The placements I'm okay with but then there's all the waffle afterwards, writing them up etc, and I always forget deadlines. Haven't missed any yet but was missing a bunch of compulsory clinical sills sessions and PBL sessions because they started at 8.30am hmm which is just not possible when I'm an hour away and DS somehow has to be in nursery. I'm also having a funding crisis - no cc grant- and the nursery are mad at me for changing dates and things so back to the drawing board with that one.
I also do a whole load of extra things like 12 hour night shifts in A&E when DS has been with family but again I will jave to stop and will have to stop all the extracurricular stuff like committees etc as I just don't have enough hours in the day. I need a nanny really!
I know I'm doing the right thing, really, but I get a lot of flack for having a child and from his paternal grandparents too ''you're so irresponsible you can't do both you need to quit and concentrate on being a mum'' and my aunt/uncle and my mother is just furious I left law. My whole family is 'disappointed' - I'm at med school I am not a crack whore, it could be worse, really!!

*sigh

Meanwhile I'm discovering I am very bad at pharmacology! are you in your second/third/fourth year? how's it going?

splashymcsplash Thu 27-Dec-12 15:52:46

Are you second year? I'm in final year an absolutely bricking it about finals.

I know how difficult it is balancing things, it really worried me, but people have always been very understanding about my.lateness due to childcare. You realise that what you miss out on usually isn't very important anyway.

Are you a grad entry? If so that must be tough. Any support from.ex?

Hope you are having a great Xmas.

Also I think you told me in a pm where you are. It's not too far from.me smile

splashymcsplash Thu 27-Dec-12 15:54:57

Just checked my pms and no you didn't, I'm just imagining it!

cafecito Fri 28-Dec-12 03:10:11

ha my worries probably pale into insignificance compared to finals- I am second year now, yep, and every day I find myself wondering why on earth I quit my job for this grin how old is your DD? ex is no support at all, he is quite the opposite (I've had to repeatedly move house so that he doesn't know where I live due to his threats and general madness..) marvellous His family profess to help, but they don't, they will never look after DS for example not even if I have exams, despite living only 30mins away. All they do is occasionally have me on my own for dinner, then lecture me about how I'm an irresponsible, selfish mother and how I should give up medicine and concentrate on my child. confused in my book anyway I'm doing the best thing for DS- I think I had that rant already up there ^ sorry! it just makes me a little cross to hear it so often from them

So it's great to hear there are others out there who have survived til final year!

I find it quite hard picking DS up from nursery on time etc. I am glad I'm doing it really though, it's what I always wanted to do and am genuinely enjoying -er-bits of it - but would be easier if I could transfer at the end of this year to the med school nearer to where we live (this is obv nigh on impossible)

thanks for pointing out most of what I miss might not be that relevant anyway, I just feel a bit swamped right now as I am so good at procrastinating, even when I have time, which is so very rare, I just cannot focus until the exam is about 3 days away and then I stay awake and learn it all, but this is very poor practice!

Did you do the SJT? was it ok? have you done all your foundation applications?

Hope you have a bit of a break over Christmas! smile

splashymcsplash Fri 28-Dec-12 10:59:09

Oh that is really rubbish. Just ignore it! The way I see it, being a med student is like a job, and if you weren't studying nobody would be saying you were selfish for working (or at least they would be mad to!). Maybe best to cut your losses and stop contact with his family?

I had my dd during my course, so didn't do it all with her, but getting back into the studying business after having her posed its own challenges. Would you be able to move nearer uni? Travelling like that sounds really difficult.

The sjt was rather meh, but it doesn't matter so much for me as I get pre allocated due to having a baby. Not sure if you have heard about it but it is aA real advantage! Don't hear anything for ages still, everyone gets allocated a deanery in February then it is time to apply for jobs.

I've been busyish revising (except for a short break). How was your Christmas?

splashymcsplash Fri 28-Dec-12 11:04:19

For some reason I cant reply to pms on my phone but yes I am near to you (I had thought that's where you were for some reason)

DrRanj Fri 28-Dec-12 11:07:44

Me! grin In 4th year now with 2yo dd.grin

splashymcsplash Fri 28-Dec-12 11:52:12

Hi drranj! How are you doing?

cafecito Sat 29-Dec-12 20:07:53

Hi drranj! Yaaay another one who has survived grin

I had heard something like that splashy, but I'm a bit silly and I've had lots on my plate so I haven't properly looked into it, but one of the final years asked me the other day if I had a degree and a child, so I said yes, and he looked very envious and muttered something. I also know an f2 who has stayed at the same hospital because she has 2 small children. (but has a nanny and a very helpful husband) but the fact that she wanted to stay in the area meant she could.

The travelling does get to me, but I can't really move areas again so I'd prefer to do all my clinical stuff closer I have found a way of applying, but I'd need to be getting something like within the top 7.5% of my year in terms of grades, and have ample extenuating circumstances. I'm thinking of intercalating elsewhere in hepatology/GI as I have a special interest, not that that's much closer for me but then I think, eeek, I'm already going into this much older than most people so maybe I shouldn't intercalate.

I thin with the ex's father and his wife, they are just a nightmare really and I should probably cut losses and stop seeing them. He told me to leave P, but then when I did he said how can I be a single parent. He then told me they'd help in terms of being a guarantor for a property (renting, as I quit my firm just as I was buying a flat- oops) but then the day I was meant to move in ,refused to sign the form, they keep on saying how X family member is such a good mother, she has given up her jb to care for her 2 young children and that's how it should be.. so I guess even if it were a job, they'd hold the same opinion. [bangs head against wall] it's just not the kind of comments I need, really (yet they simultaneously email me for medical advice on a regular basis haha)

I think my current problems are due to taking on too much, I'm on lots of committees and forums and things and have had to speak at a few conferences, which is great but very time consuming. I also am doing a masters in law, but my medical school don't know about it, and I am self teaching it. So I have really taken my eye off the ball with the core syllabus. And am now panicking!

Did either of you find any resources online which were helpful? Do you use things like pastest etc or that BMJ one?

Does your DD go to a nursery splashy?

splashymcsplash Sun 30-Dec-12 09:12:17

Wow, that's really a lot on your plate! How do you manage? Really wow. All I do is my course and dd and I feel like that is ample.

I'm not sure f you are preclinical atm because you talk about placements and I'm.not sure if you a grad. Pre clinical I really have no idea about resources as o didn't really do much work back then blush For clinical years I used the pastest books which are pretty good and we had lots of great questions on our intranet. Heard that online pastest is quite good but I never used it.

His parents really sound toxic. Sounds like you should cut your losses. Mine are pretty bad too, their idea of being grandparents is ignoring her, refusing to help on emergencies, then wanting to seeher briefly just to put lots of photos onfb. They refused to help even when I was sick with flu and physically unable to go out and I had no food for dd. It's sad because I think dd deserves better ie grandparents who care about her (though mine are great).

My dd does go to nursery, its cost a fortune though and the grant is really mean (though you prob get a better one not being an NHS student yet?). How are you coping with costs at yours?

cafecito Fri 04-Jan-13 00:17:19

Hi splashy, this fell off 'threads I'm on'! Gosh the grant gets worse? aaagh. It's been a disaster really. This year I am still waiting for them to approve my grant application. His nursery costs more than £1000 a month, and that was the cheapest I could find. I just got my student loan, and I have paid all of it in my rent arrears!

I keep telling myself, I will get there in the end. It's hard because I gave up a very lucrative legal career for this, and I am pretty cross with myself, but it's what I always wanted to do and when you have that in you I guess if you never explore it you always regret it. At least now I know for sure I should have stayed in law grin <jokes> no, I am happy to be doing the course, but I really struggle with my time management.

I also work part time, to try and make ends meet, as an accounts dogsbody for a small business. For example I will be working 4 days in a row now - so it's a nigtmare with DS and with studying (I've only just started doing some work on pharmacology, and now this will seriously interrupt my flow).

I think I haven't got into the swing of studying properly yet. Last year was all manic cramming (3 days on all of physiology, start to finish, no sleep) etc. I need a better method!

Good to know pastest are useful. I paid a visit to Foyles on charing x road the other day (my favourite place) and got a few crash course books!

Have you seen the RSM have revision stuff on at the moment for finals I think.

Hope you had a good new year! I foolishly volunteered (sja)!

cafecito Fri 04-Jan-13 00:19:48

I am thinking of sending him to a montessori though but the fees are £200 more and the hours are a bit shorter, but I'm hoping the '15 hours free childcare' will come into play in April for him so it will help a bit.

Good your family are supportive though. How did people react to baby + med school? I like your style grin

Campuslady Wed 09-Jan-13 22:06:00

Hi there, may I join? Sorry a bit late to the chat. I've only found this thread when procrastinating myself out of some prep for a surgery session tomorrow....I'm a final year medical student with a DD who is 20 months. I'm also on my second career, also was a lawyer before too smile

It's great to hear that there are a few of us out there , just about surviving this. In fact, I'm in awe at what the rest of you do on top of the course...I can identify pretty strongly with most of what has been said already. I'm also on a course pretty much populated by school leavers - bless them, most are lovely but clearly the thought of having a child/ being pregnant makes them confused. And some of the docs on clinical placement seem to think I'm insane, both for changing careers and doing it with DD. Mostly that toughens my resolve but it can get to you when you are feeling a bit behind with studying etc.

Anyway, good luck to all of you for new year placements and exams if any smile

splashymcsplash Fri 11-Jan-13 00:31:02

Welcome campus lady. Where are you studying if don't mind me asking (pm me if you don't want to make it public)? The stuff you say sounds pretty familiar, everyone also thinks I'm nuts and too young to have a child. I'm also final year so know what you are going through!

Cafe sorry as well for not replying for so long. I have been stupidly busy, feeling like I know nothing for finals. Don't mean to scare you about NHS bursaries, it probably works out better overall when you consider they pay fees but their childcare grant is truly abysmal. Mine is also very pricey, but a fabulous nursery. How have you been lately?

splashymcsplash Sun 13-Jan-13 19:59:14

Campus I saw the beginning of your pm but accidentally deleted it before opening it. I find mn doesn't work too on my phone. I saw where you are though! Did I miss anything else?

cafecito Tue 15-Jan-13 23:02:56

Hi Campus hurrah for law to medicine!! welcome back from the dark side grin

Good that DD is in a fabulous nursery splashy. that's my main stress at the moment with DS- he's only just turned 3 and he's very articulate and he's now telling me how unhappy he is and asking why I'm not with him all the time. I had to try to explain that I 'work' etc but he got really sad, and I found myself thinking 'is this worth it?' because I started when he was 1, well, I just feel I've missed so much of him growing up. But then again, what would he rather have at the end of the day.. a mum who's a doctor, probably, rather than a mum who dropped out.. I am just generally pretty down at the moment because of exams I think and all sorts of deadlines for reflective essay malarkeys all at the same time. It has just hit me how much I missed last semester. I think it's the volume thats getting to me- I cannot retain or even begin to process even a quarter of what I need to get through at the minute. I also think I should not be doing extra degrees on top hmm but again, I'm up against deadlines there. Believe it or not despite having studied law before, I still don't really know how to study either grin I haven't found a way which a. clicks and b. doesn't take forever. The best thing I found was notes, then condensed notes, then last minute mindmaps on one sheet of paper per topic area. But I don't have time to do all that this time around.

I guess in terms of childcare help, it will become less of an issue for me as he'll be starting school in 2015, but I'm already stressing about before/after school and how to manage picking him up. My placements now are not too bad but still not easy logistically.

When are finals? How's it going? I went to one of the RSM courses, was really really good but they're all different so not sure that speaks for all of them. Do you have good support where you're studying? My uni don't do any revision stuff to speak of, really, if you want it then you do it yourself or organise a group and a room etc, which I'm not really into yet.

ChunkysMum Sat 02-Mar-13 21:42:36

Hello,

I'm also a final year. Our finals results come out next Friday [terrified emoticon].

I am an undergrad straight from sixth form. Medical reasons led to my DH and I deciding to start a family before the end of my course. I had DD between 4th and final year. DD is now 15months.

I find it really difficult. I feel guilty being away from DD so much. Next year I hope to work less than full-time for F1.

Luckily we have a great child minder who picks DD up at 7.15am. Have you looked into childminders cafecito? Our childminder works out £200 cheaper a month than our nursery used to, is more flexible, has less children at one time and takes DD out to do more stuff like swimming etc.

I've found illness the most difficult thing to deal with. Both mine and DDs. When DD's too ill to go to childcare it's really difficult as I can't miss placement and my family is 2 hours away.

It shouldn't, but it does grate on me a little when people have been out all night or up late and complain about being tired on placement, when I've been up all night with a teething DD, but I probably thought I was tired before I had her. Little did I know that you don't really know tiredness until you've had a baby.

Some of you do seem to be piling a bit much on your plates. I think med school and a child is enough for anyone.

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