Well, it's that time again.

(30 Posts)
TheMumsRush Fri 09-May-14 16:55:12

Time for me to be in the wrong and made to feel like a stranger. That's all

alita7 Fri 09-May-14 17:34:01

Do you want to talk about it mums?

TheMumsRush Fri 09-May-14 17:42:44

I'm ok thanks, things have just changed over the years. Dsd was closer to me but I can feel her changing. She's picking up on her mums resentment (she has told me as much). I use to not like asking the dsc to do things like help tidy or point out if they were playing up. I use to go through DH because I wanted them to like me. DH got fed up with it and told me to be more vocal, so I started doing that and he jumps to the defends and I end up looking stupid (then get smug looks). No I just give up. I don't get involved other than to cook/clean. And I just detach

alita7 Fri 09-May-14 17:51:25

So basically he can't be bothered to discipline them/ doesn't like having to as he wants to be cool dad but he doesn't like you doing it because you're not the parent... totally fair obviously :/

I would say to him either you get support from him if you say something or he let's you tell him what you're unhappy with and does it himself - or you won't interact with the family.

TheMumsRush Fri 09-May-14 18:21:29

Discipline them, but sometimes he can be a bit lazy and will just let them get away with stuff, and it irritates me. Other thing that don't bother him, do bother me so I end up the bad guy when he jumps the the defence.

TheMumsRush Fri 09-May-14 18:54:21

Well, DH and I have just rowed. Something happened with dss 13 & ds 1 dss is unhappy ds has gone to bed I think but DH won't tell me what's gone on, he's too tired. Had a so at me for asking questions and he's stormed off. Still having a oh at me but when I respond he says "see! You don't shut up!". Pissed off and hate these weekends.

TheMumsRush Fri 09-May-14 18:54:58

I should add, the kids all share a room

alita7 Fri 09-May-14 19:42:45

He shouldn't be refusing to tell you what gone on with your own child!

FreeSpirit89 Fri 09-May-14 20:29:25

Oh mums.

Sounds awful for you, a total lack of respect. :wine

TheMumsRush Fri 09-May-14 20:37:22

It will be ok tomorrow. Fridays are always stressful. Everyone is tired. Now let's hope the baby doesn't wake them up and vies versa

TheMumsRush Sat 10-May-14 19:59:57

Well it didn't get much better, got "told off" by DH for noticing dsd was eating fish, she claims to hate it so it was a positive thing until he came, caught the tail end and had a go at me for making a fuss!! Really laid into me! Apparently dsd is told all meat is chicken otherwise she won't eat it!! I'm now in my room watching a film and having a wine. They can sort themselves out! Cheers everyone smile

alita7 Sat 10-May-14 20:57:48

He sounds horrendously snappy and touchy to me!!

TheMumsRush Sat 10-May-14 21:17:27

Yes but only EOW hmm

Kaluki Sat 10-May-14 22:40:38

Why are you putting up with this?
Even if it is just every other weekend it's still wrong!!!
He is an arse!

shey02 Sat 10-May-14 23:15:55

God, I feel your pain. Dp is always so stressed out during his EOW's, unfortunately the children constantly test and punish him. And he does not do anything about it. Doing himself and the kids a massive disservice I feel. But of course, I cannot tell him that, he is hyper-sensitive, he will not see it and that's another thread entirely! Roll on Sunday night Mums, two weeks of bliss for you coming up!

yoyo27 Sat 17-May-14 15:19:40

It is such a shame that this stuff happens and so many step parents are made to feel this way.

My step daughter just turned her back on me out of rudeness while I was talking to her. Nice

whilewildeisonmine Sun 18-May-14 18:43:35

I have a DP who turns into a complete arse EOW too. I feel for you.

whilewildeisonmine Sun 18-May-14 18:45:40

Yoyo, yes it is a shame hmm

alita7 Sun 18-May-14 20:47:40

My problem is the opposite- he's too laid back and I get all stressed because I have to clean the house so its nice for the kids coming round!

BuzzLightbulb Mon 19-May-14 10:56:59

It's not fun is it?

I have a bag half packed after last night. Long story ending up with dsd unloading both barrels, f and c words, the lot.

DP did nothing so I asked her if she could now see why I say she doesn't back me up and any reason I shouldn't just hit the local Travelodge for a night or two for some peace and quiet.

Tappergirl Tue 20-May-14 21:53:42

I have this all the time but they live with us FT, 16 and 18. Life has never been so stressful. Walking on eggshells and all that.....

alita7 Tue 20-May-14 23:01:49

Don't get me wrong I LOVE spending time with them, I wouldn't live with dsd 3 if I didn't. But I don't like the fact that dp will not help tidy up enough before they come, he simply washed up 75% of what was there and buggered off to see friend last Friday before picking dsd 3 up from school. I did the whole house including dsds bedroom. Dsd 1 and 2 are lovely but so many times I almost tell him if he doesn't help me then they can't come!

TheMumsRush Wed 21-May-14 12:11:11

That feeling is setting in, it's been so nice, now its creeping back. I just know I'm bound to do something wrong. Best get my egg shells walking shoes out

theironinglady123 Sat 24-May-14 12:25:27

Mumsrush - you can't live like that, even if it is only EOW! Are they with you this weekend?

How old are DSC?

shey02 Sat 24-May-14 23:36:08

That sinking feeling Mums, yes, me too, we must be on the same schedule......... Well, I've fucked up already, how about you? wine

TheMumsRush Mon 26-May-14 09:39:12

Kids are 7 & 13, I haven't messed up this weekend and we had an extra night! mostly due to some major detaching and I'm leaving it to DH now so he can't jump to their defence.

TheMumsRush Mon 26-May-14 09:39:37

What did you do shey?

Petal02 Mon 26-May-14 10:04:52

Ah, the joys of a Bank Holiday access weekend! I don't miss those ....

shey02 Tue 27-May-14 10:00:50

Given that when dp has his EOW's, his dc are reluctant to do anything that he wants to do, especially if it involves us... I sucked it up as we had a special event (so I thought it would be nice if we were together for a change) and invited them all overnight to us by imessage (we have the space). I know it may sound silly, but because I feel pushed out and rejected alot of the time, it takes alot to ask that.

So this was completely ignored, completely. They turn up for me to cook them all dinner and I guess he must have sensed that I was disappointed or felt it really quite rude to not even acknowledge my invitation. Resulted in an argument because he 'asked them', they said no obv. and I was like it's fine. I wont' bother asking again. Might have been nice and totally diffused the situation if he'd only acknowledged or thanked me for my invitiation and said something like I'd love to, but you know what they're like or something, we'll do it soon or whatever... I'm not asking for massive gestures, just one thoughtful sentence would have make me feel ok and not too rejected. Instead what I got was oh, this again, can't you just get over that, they said they wanted family time. I'm trying not to think about the more deep rooted implications here which is that he has his life just the way he wants it. And I'm starting to worry that this is how it's always going to be.

shey02 Tue 27-May-14 10:04:10

Thinking maybe I should start having 'family time' with my dc. See how he likes that, him being on his own for a change and feeling pushed out. But I guess that would be a bit childish.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now