Does anyone has any thoughts on how this should be tackled?
My step daughters mother runs her house with such polar opposite values to us that I struggle to explain this to step daughter who is 11.
Three examples would be; 1, Mum chooses not to work so has more time and possibly energy to do EVERYTHING for her daughter bar wipe her bum for her. In our house I expect the kids (both her and my 4 year old) to help out where possible because there is no one at home to do these things. And I also think it does their sense of independance and acheivement no harm.
2, Mum lets her eat anything she wants, pick at the fridge, eat TV dinners. I serve lots of veg and stuff and we dont snack between meals.
3, Mum tells DSD she doesnt have to worry about school because she's so pretty she'll probably just marry a rich man... Im a feminist.
I beleive in my house, my rules! I also think that as those rules are what my daughter works towards, the other one should too. because they are equal in the house.
That said Id very aware of making her feel like I think my way is better than her mums... I dont feel that is right. I wouldnt want my daughter step mum telling her that.
In short, I dont want to change my standards or sell out on my values. But neither do i want to make DSD uncomfortable by making out that my way is better than her mums.
How can I approach it on a day to day basis/ long term?
- Im not looking for whether people agree on my way or hers. Im not trying to make a point (in this thread anyway ) That i'm a better mum. i just want to work out how we can both install our values in to DSD without belittling the other one!