Article in Sunday Times about Second Wives

[ethel100]

Did anyone see Melanie McDonagh's article in the Sunday Times - it made me shake with rage and quite ruined my Easter Sunday. Just a taster - "There is, I think, a particular case for regarding first spouses more tenderly than their successors, socially, financially and judicially ? and I refer, obviously, to first husbands as well as wives in this context. The first wife is the woman to whom the husband first made a lifelong commitment" or
"In other words, when you marry someone who?s been married before, you do so in the knowledge that he, or she, has a prior commitment from the first union. Your rights have to give way to the first spouse. Even if, as in the case of Mrs Vaughan Mk 1, she has no children and you do. And, I suppose, it?s even more the case with third or fourth spouses ? and by the time you get to the umpteenth Mr Liz Taylor, he?s hardly got any claims at all".

Made me feel great as I did easter Sunday with son and stepkids, whilst their mother was off abroad....

[ElenorRigby]

"The first wife is the woman to whom the husband first made a lifelong commitment"
Nope the first wife was a manipulative, narcissistic bitch who pretended she was something she was not who bullied and cajoled him into marrying her.
He woke up alooong time ago and cannot now believe his mistake!

A second marriage is "a triumph of hope over experience" The real deal

[MaryBS]

I compare quite well with DH's first wife - she tried to stab him during an argument! Grabbed a kitchen knife and threatened him with it!

(and he is the sweetest gentlest man imaginable!)

[FiveGoMadInDorset]

Well I am the 3rd Mrs FGMID and so far have done far better than the first 2.

[foureleven]

ElenorRigby have you chanelled my thoughts and stollen my identity because I quite literally couldnt have put it better myself!!!

[foureleven]

Its a shame that you and I werent there to have this convo with poor OP on Easter Sunday when her day was being ruined by this foolish article!

[BitOfFun]

I had a "starter marriage" , but I wouldn't characterise myself as a manipulative bitch etc...people sometimes just take a while to find the right fit. I respect my ex-h, and hope he's happy.

[harimo]

I dunno...

I'm in partial agreement with this.

For me, there are two things:

1. the spouses
2. the children

As a second wife, am I treated differently? Do I expect to be treated differently? well... yes... I think I do. This is not in a bad way, actually, just that my expectations, my experiences etc. are different.

I've seen my DH's first wife (quite LITERALLY) spend 10 years of her life trying to ruin him. She's failed, but she has succeeded in ruining 10 years of her life obsessing about it. If we split, there is no way I'd ask for maintenence. No way. I don't want to have to deal with that. I've seen my Dh's ex HIDE men in her house for fear Dh might try to say she was co-habiting (she wasn't, you understand... he was living there for free and was giving her PC lessons ) Not a way to live in my estimatation.

But, kids are different. They deserve to be treated the same regardless of their maternity. There is no way on earth I'd put up with my kids getting some lesser treatment than DH's other kids do.

IMHO, I don't think you can dismiss any marriage when there are kids involved. It's important that kids understand that they were wanted and that their parents did love each other at that time, even if they do not love each other now.