What do I do when as a mum I think that my step daughter' biological mum is awful?

[Lilyan]

My step daughter is really lovely, I have been her step mum for 9 years now, since she was 1.

I have 4 natural children and she fits in fantastically with us.

Social Services awarded her dad and I residency but this was overturned by the courts because her biological mum became pregnant. Something her dad can't do.

Her biological mum is really clever and holds down a high level job. She travels around the country and is often away from home. So my step daughter is left with her step dad or other friends, which she doesn't like.

My biggest gripe is why did her step mum go to such lengths to have shared residency and then not spend time with her daughter, and why is there nothing that we can do about it.

[talie101]

I'm guessing it's a 'power/control' thing! I personally can't understand any parent choosing work over spending quality time with their kids (unless of course you really have no choice but to work long/odd hours for financial reasons, but not just to have the 'luxuries' in life!)

Is your dsd now old enough and mature enough to make her views known if you took it back to Court?

[zookeeper]

err maybe she has to work to support her dd?

[Ivykaty44]

there are a lot of parents that work away from home - this doesn't make them bad parents.

[Lilyan]

She does have to work, but does she have to work in a job where upto 2 nights a week she is staying in a hotel at the other end of the country?

And if that is what she wants to do, why did she fight so hard to have her dd all week but not at the weekends, when she isn't at work.

I can't take it back to court as I couldn't make dsd stand in front of a judge and choose a parent, which is what it boils down to.

I appreciate the ability to rant as I'm aware that my real gripe is with the courts for not listening to social services.

[mrscatw]

I feel for you. My DSS's BM has a very good job and worked away a lot when he was really small. He is now 14 and she has gone self-employed this year. Suddenly she has all the time in the world for him!! Just as we are trying to teach him some independence, she is constantly trying to muscle in on all the tasks that we/I (as the at-home parent have done for him for the last 9 years!! Grrr! Is this relevant!? Rant over...

[foureleven]

I know this is old but two pennies anyway!

Working away for two days a week does not make her a bad parent. She is probably doing it to build a quality of life/ future for her child.

However, if she doesnt have her for her fair share of weekends then she really cant be that bothered about her DD and is therefore a witch.

Rant all you like, how frustrating!