New here any help much appreciated please

[tobias123]

Well I have been not well (depresed I think for a few months). My daughter has been ill with an eating disorder and everything that could go wrong in my life has gone wrong.

Anyway a bout 6 mths agao I met a lovely man that cares about me so much and he is not only my lover but my best friend and although I am now being treated for depression he has stood behind me and will help me with anything which I think is very special.

Well he has a son 9 and i have three children 16, 14 and 6. His wife died when his son was 3 and he has brought his son up and basically let him do what ever and he was getting what i call bit rough staying out late taking off not going to bed until midnight. Well I have helped this man and his son is very well behaved now and goes to bed every night at eight thirty. The boy is lovely and trats me with respect as we have a good routine. That is good and that is not the problem. The problem is my three children. They will not accept my new man in my life, he has bent over backwards for them, he has took them to Turkey on holiday and paid for them to take a freind also, runs them everywhere etc...
He is fed up by the way my daughter that is 16 does nothing to help in the house and talks to me with no rspect what so ever.

I have not alot of m oney now and we have alsways been very comfortable and they resent me and my partner for this. The fact is he only works 2 day a week as he gets widows parents and tax crdits. They say he should get a proper job and work full time and today he is going to look for work. I feel though if he does not want to he should not have too.

I love this man very much as he does me and we intend to live togther but fully understand my kids are not ready so he is selling his house and going to rent until they are ready.

How long does it take children to accept a new partner, what can i do to help them?

I was with my other partner for 13 years so he was liek the girls father and know they miss hmm very much and although they see him regular they liuve in hope i will get back with him.

Any tips/help will be very much appreciated. Thanks

[chocolatemummy]

yes, I agree, I am in a very unsuccessful step family situation and ss doesnt even live with us, it can literally ruin your relationships and make you ill, if you are already unwell. you need to be strong enough to support your children with this massive change in their lives.
ASk them what it is that they don't like, it might be petty thing and that will show that it is loyalty to your ex that they are so close to, they also might me anxious about another person disappearing once they have got close as he has

[tobias123]

I have asked them this question and they feel that they are loosing me to him. They also feel they need hi to get a full time job as they hate not having lots of money. I guess i have spoilt them too much and wish I had not. They were also very close to my ex partner and are very loyal indeed to him and my middle daughter th 14 year old wants to spend christmas with him which i am fine about.
I am ill though and last night shouted at them as feel my new partner can only take so much. The girls leave stuffa round everywhere and my new partner hates that and they also speak to me like dirt and expect m eto run them around everywhere but I do this as think part of parenting.

The girls also say he is a lower class as lives on a council estate and smokes and drinks beer and they hate that too but he going to stop smoking, well going to try. I cannot stand the girls snobbery either especially the older one.

Thanks for your replies