Yes both children live with us and their mum lives an 8 hour drive away
different part of the country.I dont have a relationship with their mum.(im just going to be honest if I want honest advice I geuss it starts with me). There mum and dad were together 12 years and split off and on for 3 years before I came along.Both of them lost care of oldest dss due to drugs,drinking and violence between the 2 of them and he went to live with his grandma leaving lil miss 6(dd) being shuffled between mum and dad and there mess of living until dad moved away to where I live(and not because of me,he moved to get away from the lifestyle he was living e.g the drugs and violence)
Im a pretty straight cut person no drugs like a drink but believe in raising my daughter with an open mind to all the possibilities of the world incl religion,sexuality,race all that stuff in my dp opinion im a square.
I dont have a relationship with dp ex because in my opinion she has thus far done a shit job raising, protecting,nurturing and teaching her children.You can hate what im saying but your not living my perticular situation and I could elabohrate more on dp ex but this is already a long read,but my opinions of dp ex are my own and i would not share them with the kids ever it would only harm any hope of building a relationship with dsk.And to top it off the behaviors and expectations that dp brought to our relationship were learnt from his previous and its doing my head in trying to unteach him the crap she put in him.My honey(dp) had no idea what it truely meant to trust and respect but he's getting it now.Obviously I should not have to state that I never disrespect dp ex in front of children at all, I dont talk her down to dp either he is aware that if I dont like someone I dont fake it I will be civil but Im not going to have a conversation about the weather with them.
From this thread I have sat down with dp and asked that we try something new.
He is going to take a more active role in the kids disclipine.I dont want to anymore,if they step out of line or are disrespectful it is something me dp and the child in question will sit down and discuss once he is home(he works long hours so i have the kids most days).
As they live with us, I will continue to ensure they abide by our house standards when it comes to cleanliness and respect of each others property and each other and dp will also.
I dont know if this is the best way to handle things its just something else im willing to try like i said before im sick of feeling like the evil step mother and i dont want to be labelled there mum either as i know they already have a mum,in time i would love to be a close friend or reliable aunty.In my heart I would love for them both to think of me as someone they can truely depend on.
I do understand your meaning evilreturns and agree to what you say exactly,I am still getting them to learn our house rules only taking a different approach to it by getting dp to enforce and encourage my expectations rather then me constantly reminding them or checking up on them.I also am quick to say I have 3 children and also explain the circumstances.
These 2 sk are in my heart it was a slow process but i care and love them deeply im just so exhausted from constant bickering between dsd and dd,my house being a mess,having to constantly check that dear step kids have done as asked or cleaned and tidied properly,being told by dsd that I only care for dd cos im always picking on her about tidying her things or clearing them away properly, then being told by dd that I let dsd and dss get away with things that I would not let her do e.g leaving her room in a mess with rubbish and clothes and food.
At the moment it feels like a lose lose situation and im sorry this reads like a novel and after reading all this you probably dont have the energy to reply but please do be blunt be honest but mostly be advisable if you can.