Don't bother not worth it!

(9 Posts)
frodo1 Fri 11-Nov-16 21:59:56

I spent years making my dad feel welcome. Taking him out buying him clothes cooking his favourite meals. Never thanked by my partner or the in-laws. Found out he had been horrible to my son - not his blood brother and my daughter his sister same dad my dh. 16 yrs old came over said to him you've been nasty to these 2 what's going on? Started crying to dad want to go home. Dh drops him home next minute in laws on phone dss crying saying I'm bullying him and the in laws saying they won't risk relationship with him so they've promised him they won't see me. I haven't been down and neither has my DD their granddaughter. They have rang my dh last 6 weeks to say they've arranged for dss to come down each wed but haven't bothered with my DD. I've brought it up with Hubby but he doesn't see how upset she is last 6 weeks that dss has been rang for a visit and she has been ignored. She loves her grandparents and wud love to see them but on hubbys one day off he is invited with dss and when I could drop her off I'm not welcome cause I'm a bully! Part of me says it's their loss as she's great but my heart breaks every wed when I tell her that her dad has gone to her grandparents and she hasn't been asked. Any advice?

frodo1 Fri 11-Nov-16 22:02:30

The start is making my dss feel welcome

ThereYouAre Fri 11-Nov-16 22:42:38

Where does dss live? He got dropped home and then your dh's parents called... so is this via your dh's ex or something??

frodo1 Fri 11-Nov-16 23:08:57

His mum shall we say encouraged him to ring his grandparents to say what had gone one. Me and my dh later learned it was vastly exaggerated I rang my mother in law to explain she put the phone down on me without letting me explain. My dh has told the in-laws it's been exaggerated by his son but when I've said he should confront his son about his lies he won't for fear of being outcast.

ThereYouAre Fri 11-Nov-16 23:11:50

How has your relationship with your in-laws been in the past? This all sounds so extreme flowers

MycatsaPirate Fri 11-Nov-16 23:16:29

Horrible situation. I'd suggest a letter or email to your in laws if they won't talk to you.

Explain that you weren't bullying but trying to ascertain what had gone on between the 3 dc and as soon as you asked him he burst into tears and demanded to be taken home. So you still have no idea what went on and have only your dc's version of events.

Your in laws are really not doing this lad any favours. And your poor DD who is being out cast in case it upsets this boy? Can't they see how utterly pathetic that is?

frodo1 Fri 11-Nov-16 23:35:20

My mother I law worked at my dss primary/junior school so was used to seeing him every day. When he started seniors I clearly remember her saying you will still come see me won't u? And she said to me - you get used to seeing them I'd be heartbroken if I didn't. As my daughter was upset about being forgotten I rang and asked could she come down for an hour last Sunday 6th Nov. Mother in law cold on phone saying well if she wants to its ok so I dropped her outside and Hubby picked her up last time she seen them before this was 24th July. If I hadn't rang them how long wud the have left it?

Oswin Fri 11-Nov-16 23:58:10

Why doesn't your husband just take her with him?

HeddaGarbled Sat 12-Nov-16 00:04:15

This is your H's job to sort out. Don't phone anyone any more or try to sort it out yourself. They've closed ranks against you. Step away.

Why doesn't your H see how upset your daughter is? Has she told him? Has she cried in front of him? Why are you telling her where he has gone without her? Does he sneak off while she isn't looking? Get all this right out in the open in your house. If she's upset she needs to be upset in front of him. If he's going without her he needs to tell her what he's doing and why.

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