Hi there folks, i'm sorry that this is going to be a wall of text. I'm at my wits end and am hoping this forum can perhaps shed some light, or at least benefit from you lovely people and your experiences. So...
Cut a long story short, i've been with my OH for nearly four years, we've came a long way in a short time and have went through hell and back. Unfortunately for me, I have PCOS and have been advised that in my case it is practically impossible for me to have kids, and if I do conceive it's a 99% chance of my miscarrying. He on the other hand has two children to a previous marriage, one in his third year of school, the other in first year of academy. I have not met either of these lovely boys as, shock horror, the ex wife is a rather bitter and poisonous woman.
Let me get this out here before I continue, I hate how women are slammed to be the bad one constantly in breakups, especially the whole 'bitter' role, however in this situation it is unfortunately very much the case. I strongly stand by the fact that i'm in no rush to meet these two children, do not wish to secretly force a situation where they accidentally meet me, or steal them from their mother and replace her. What is important to me is my man gets to see his kids on a regular occasion because he is an amazing father, and I believe wholeheartedly that kids need both parents no matter what the situation to have a healthy upbringing.
For the past three years she has put the stipulation down that he can only see the children in her house, to which he has declined. Now and again he has managed to arrange with them to meet in the town, take them for Mcdonalds and the like, but sadly all of these occasions could only be tallied up on two hands. What worries me most in the past year is he texts the kids on a daily basis, phones when they don't reply for a week at a time, and forever he can hear her in the background telling his kids what to say to the point that they are monotone and very awkward and uncomfortable during the conversation.
The only time he gets to contact the kids, to which he gets a reply, is if he phones/messages her, something that upsets him as they had a very venomous relationship which left him very angry. Thankfully though we've worked through this together and his mindset has changed to the more optimistic point, where he knows the kids comes first and yes she may try manipulate every situation but he must persist.
Recently though, he has stupidly messaged her on several occasions behind my back, worried that all the drama will pile on more stress to my already fragile state of mind, I have been diagnosed with BPD. Mercifully i've been blessed with that wonderful thing most women have, insight, that horrible feeling when you know something is wrong. So every time I have caught him out and of course felt betrayed as we should be working as a team, no woman wants to find out their partner is messaging their ex secretly no matter what the reason.
SO, my worry is, how the hell are we supposed to work around this bitter woman? It has gotten to the point where the youngest son has attempted to throw himself down the stairs, is seriously struggling to fit into the transition from primary to secondary school, and has constant panic attacks. This boy was once extremely confident and outgoing, what worries us most is that the only reason my OH found out about these issues was through his oldest son, NOT his ex-wife. My man is desperate to see his kids and I can see him struggling, this is weighing on him heavily and i'm worried for both his mental health and his children's.
Do you have any advice for this situation? I can only apologize if my ramblings haven't made any sense, this is the first time i've had the chance to be brutally honest and rant this out, if there are any questions please don't be afraid to ask. I just want these kids to have the benefit of seeing their dad and have a healthier lifestyle. The situation with his youngest child is what concerns me most, he has rapidly deteriorated and become withdrawn, although it has been commented that he is extremely happy after the occasions where he DOES get to see his dad.
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79 replies
Scottishlass89 · 01/11/2016 16:38
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