What 5 things do you most like about your SC going back to other parent? (lighthearted)

(99 Posts)
Bumbleclat Sun 23-Oct-16 17:18:32

1.The room with the TV in being free
2.Not tidying up after her
3.No Minecraft youtube videos constantly in background
4.Being able to leave the house without countless debates on teeth brushing, suitable clothes wearing etc
5.Feeling comfortable at the dining table without having to endure irritatingly bad table manners and awkward conversation.
Roll on this evening grin

Lunar1 Sun 23-Oct-16 18:33:59

The top 5 things about seeing my dad as a child without his bloody wife hanging about include:

Being able to sit with him on the sofa rather than her making me move.

Getting my dads attention for a bit without step mum/sister being in the way and taking what little time we saw him away from my brother and I.

Being able to relax with our dad, without all the extra rules she would impose.

Feeling like we belonged in our dads home, rather than an unwelcome guest she was dying to get rid of.

And best of all was not having to watch him play dad to her child, especially the digs that she would make about everything they would do as a family when we were gone.

Sadly as children she was hanging about far too much and he didn't maintain contact after a while. Sorry should have added lighthearted at the top!

breezybeach Sun 23-Oct-16 18:45:59

This is not going to go well . Oh dear .

Bumbleclat Sun 23-Oct-16 18:49:36

Lunar1
I had the same experience as you.
Im sorry if it triggered your emotions.
I keep well out of the way when DSD is there but I do need to have a space (albeit virtual) to let off steam.

CozyAutumn Sun 23-Oct-16 19:03:20

This is probably going to get people's backs up even if it is lighthearted.

Lunar1 Sun 23-Oct-16 19:19:24

Sorry, I just think no matter how intended this will be nasty. I think as a step child you know when you are not wanted. Reading things in here and seeing what goes on in people's heads has helped tremendously, even if part of that has been to realise that I am not the only one hated for existing by a step parent.

Luckily I hit the jackpot with my (step)dad.

BoinkAlongQuietly Sun 23-Oct-16 19:20:22

Not funny even if it is meant to be "lighthearted".

Enjoy you dinner without the awkward conversation and bad manners of your step child.

I feel truly sad for your DSD.

Bumbleclat Sun 23-Oct-16 19:21:16

I find this step parenting board really weird and unsupportive.

The normal parenting boards are full of parents letting off steam and it's just taken as a given that they love their offspring but that they can just be annoying at times.

It's always assumed here that all step parents are bloody bitches when really we are doing THE HARDEST job in the world.

I do an amazing job with my DSD and work extremely hard at creating space for her and her dad to spend time together, shrinking myself into the background in my own home in order to facilitate their relationship.

I invite her mum and grandparents round for roast dinners and games, I sacrifice financially so she can have lovely clothes, bedroom and experiences.

YET... I'm always treated like a bloody bitch when I dare to be honest about the daily difficulties and realities of being a step mum.

Well I WON'T have it.

If anyone's interested in being honest and having a bit of camaraderie about the effing difficult job of being a step-mum then feel free to join in.

If you're in the 'you must be a wicked step mother' brigade then jog on because you are wrong!

I was the step daughter of a horrendous woman for years and I know for sure that I am kind, loving and a positive role model for my DSD.

I also know that for sanity, it is healthy and important to be able to moan and let off steam with other empathetic people just as bio parents do FFS.

Lunar1 Sun 23-Oct-16 19:33:35

Sorry, I just think no matter how intended this will be nasty. I think as a step child you know when you are not wanted. Reading things in here and seeing what goes on in people's heads has helped tremendously, even if part of that has been to realise that I am not the only one hated for existing by a step parent.

Luckily I hit the jackpot with my (step)dad.

Lunar1 Sun 23-Oct-16 19:37:04

Sorry don't know why my post reposted.

Bumbleclat Sun 23-Oct-16 19:37:14

But you don't need to project that onto me.
My step daughter's mother lives next door to my husband and I and we all function well together. DSD is in no doubt that she is loved and part of a loving unit.
BUT I find her dad's inability to pick her up on her appalling table manners very problematic.
Families are about balancing that happiness of all members.
There is zero reason for this to get so called 'nasty'.

QueenLizIII Sun 23-Oct-16 19:39:03

Feeling comfortable at the dining table without having to endure irritatingly bad table manners and awkward conversation.

You're not doing such an amazing job if you cant even speak freely and conversation is awkward. You sound like strangers to each other.

Bumbleclat Sun 23-Oct-16 19:41:06

QueenLizIII It is awkward, is it so beyond you to experience awkwardness with someone?
You must be simply perfect. Well done you.
And thanks for your supportive message, very kind.

CannotEvenDeal Sun 23-Oct-16 19:42:51

I can honestly say that the best day of my life was when my dss came to live with full time.

Before that I used to positively hate saying goodbye to him.

But that's just me.

Lunar1 Sun 23-Oct-16 19:43:13

Of course it's designed to be nasty about step children, you are asking for a list of things people don't like about them. How can that be seen any other way?

CannotEvenDeal Sun 23-Oct-16 19:43:53

Posted too soon.

You're entitled to have your own feelings about your personal situation

Mamushka Sun 23-Oct-16 19:45:16

I was a step child. This thread makes me sad. sad

Bumbleclat Sun 23-Oct-16 19:46:53

It's not being nasty about her per se it is referring to the frustrations of step parenting.
She's a kid and a much better behaved nicer one than I was, believe me!

She is doing the things that kids do and that is fine.

I do find speaking to DH about for example, the table manners a bit tiring but in order to keep my rl smooth with DSD, I NEVER stop her from doing any of the things listed above because I want her to be free to be herself in her own home (A luxury not afforded to myself)

It's just hard, but I can see I'm not going to find any empathy here.

CannotEvenDeal Sun 23-Oct-16 19:50:26

I think there whare worse people out than you tbh!

Such as my dss' biological mum who hasn't seen him in 4 years and is hoping to have a baby girl with her new husband.

GeorgeTheThird Sun 23-Oct-16 19:53:01

I'm not a step mum and I wasn't a step child. I still think this thread is nasty.

Scoopmuckdizzy Sun 23-Oct-16 19:53:45

Let's not be mean to Bumbleclat.

wellhereweare Sun 23-Oct-16 19:54:33

This makes me sad as a parent to know my dc are probably annoying their step mum. I am not naive. I know she won't ever love them like I do but the thought of them being awkward and in the way just breaks my heart a bit. not lighthearted

NZmonkey Sun 23-Oct-16 19:58:18

Oh what a surprise this took a total of one post to completely derail.

OP if you'd started and said your own DC and off to grandparents it would have been perfectly fine but one negative word about your step kids on here and you can't win.

My favourite thing I get when DSD goes home is sleep. Midnight blanket fixing, drinks of water or a trip to the toilet and then 5 or 6 am wakeups would be really tough if it was every night. I also like that I don't feel guilty when I go to the gym.

i think as a step child you know when you are not wanted. I'm sure this is the case but not in the case of the OPs DSCs or in the case of my DSD. Its OK to enjoy your life with and without your DSCs. And appreciate what you have when they aren't there. My Nan said to me the other week 'oh you must miss DSD so much when she isn't here' as though my life completely stops when she leaves hmm

Bumbleclat Sun 23-Oct-16 19:59:59

NZmonkey Thanks smile

LHReturns Sun 23-Oct-16 20:02:14

Bumblecat you sound like a great stepmother and I don't think there is anything wrong with letting off some steam at the end of a long weekend on a Board which is supposed to support step parents.

I am a step mother and I could easily produce a list of reliefs at the end of a 'kids weekend' - and at the same time I could produce a list of reliefs when my own DS is back with his nanny on a Monday morning and I return to work.

It isn't all a laugh and I doubt you expected your DSD to read your thread. You were asking for lighthearted relief and fellow posters need not join in if they would never do this.

Enjoy a glass of wine and your peaceful house.

My big relief tomorrow will be able to vomit freely tomorrow (bad Hyperemesis) without fear of my DSC hearing me as they of course don't yet know I am pregnant. I have spent the weekend tying to throw up silently - which is very difficult when it is agonising yellow acid bile!

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