Hi,
I (25f) )have been with my DP (33m) for over a year now and first met his 7 year old DD 6 months ago.
At first, everything was smooth...the child was polite and seemed happy to see me when visiting etc.
DP and I moved in together a couple of months ago now (btw, unsure of relevance but this was into the house he used to live with his ex and daughter). Obviously, we are all spending a lot more time together.
As of late, I have been avoiding this time on purpose, especially around meal times, because his DD's table manners are absolutely horrendous! She doesn't even cut her food, much preferring to chew off large parts sometimes holding it in her hands. She speaks with her mouth full, chews with her mouth open, doesn't sit still in her chair, sometimes gets up and goes for a wander around, often spilling food all over....and often she doesn't even finish the plate. Yet DP still lets her have dessert/pudding!!! The chomping and lip smacking alone has lead me to stop eating out in public with her.
Growing up, manners and table etiquette were instilled within all my siblings and I from a very early age. I can not believe she has got to the age of 7 and is able to behave in such a way.
The last thing I sometimes want to do when I get home from work is cook a dinner - compared to say a year ago when I would eat out most nights or order in. But I'm consciously wanting to ensure DP's daughter gets all the goodness from a meal that she needs and deserves. So after sometimes spending an hour in the kitchen I feel totally disrespected when she can't even sit nicely to eat it, leaving it even, with me asking the question "why do I even bother?!" Then I also don't get the support from my DP as he rewards such behaviour with a treat!
AIBU?!?!
I have raised this - tactfully - with DP already, and his response was that he wants his DD to enjoy being a child for now, and not to have such rules unnecessarily enforced on her as she can learn this as she gets older.
My concern is that when will that time come?! Surely building on skills such as cutting up food properly, using a knife and fork, using a napkin, are all behaviours which would stand her in good stead for later life if taught and reinforced now at an early age?!
I don't know what to do?! I'm in no position to offer any form of parenting or discipline - she's not my child. But I really don't know how much longer I can go keeping silent before I end up seriously blowing up in my DP's face about it.
I feel that this could begin to drive a wedge between me and my DP, to the point where I can't eat with him when we have his DD with us as well.
Any advice would be hugely appreciated.
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58 replies
user1476993639 · 20/10/2016 21:26
OP posts:
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