How does Christmas work with SC and DC in your house?

(25 Posts)
Evilstepmum01 Sun 16-Oct-16 10:50:44

So this christmas we're meant to have DSD (as christmas lands on 'our' day) for the morning. DH and ExW have arranged tho that she will stay at her mums christmas morning and then come to us about lunchtime for her presents here and christmas dinner. She then stays overnight with us and then goes to her mums family for boxing day a great big piss up
I'm a bit disappointed tho that our DS won't ever get to open presents with his big sister. I know its up to them to organise and its best for DSD if she stays with us as her mum always goes out for dinner and prefers to be DSD-free.
So how do other step families do christmas?

MumOfTwoMasterOfNone Sun 16-Oct-16 11:41:27

Previously, we have swapped to either have them morning or lunch onwards.
This has changed now due to circumstances - our own DC and an ex who won't contribute to travelling, so DP would be spending most of the day ferrying them and not seeing our young DC for whom Christmas is magical.

They now have their own 'Xmas day' with us and DPs family on Boxing Day and they loved it last year.

MumOfTwoMasterOfNone Sun 16-Oct-16 11:42:57

Sorry when I say morning, I mean Christmas Eve so they're there for Christmas morning.
If we had them from lunch, then we would have them afternoon and Boxing Day.

Lelloteddy Sun 16-Oct-16 12:24:53

Ex and OW won't have our kids at Christmas. I also think that it's really sad that they won't ever have a Christmas morning with their little siblings.
And DPs kids aren't allowed to spend any part of Christmas Day with their dad. Hate that it's such an issue but that's what happens when the adults are arseholes.

MumOfTwoMasterOfNone Sun 16-Oct-16 12:36:57

Why won't they have them Lello?

Lelloteddy Sun 16-Oct-16 12:43:51

Because they're arseholes?

My kids are very much second class citizens there. Long story but that's just the way it is.

Philoslothy Sun 16-Oct-16 12:45:37

We do it all together.

justcallmeBernard Sun 16-Oct-16 12:53:54

Dss's mum and her family, rather conveniently, don't do much of a traditional Christmas - couple presents and a big non-turkey meal, no decorations, but with her whole family. So when dss arrives on the 27th, it reboots our Christmas as he gets his stocking (spending cuts, FC is being efficient...) and we save some presents. And then we all visit ILs and my parents and people, and host a NYE party.

Works well, fortunately.
OP - could you do stockings in the morning and then other presents together after lunch?

Ilovenannyplum Sun 16-Oct-16 12:55:02

We get the DSC on the 27th, their mum insists that they go to her new partners mums on Boxing Day and that obviously comes before them seeing their dad hmm

This year we're getting married on the 28th and will be super super busy on the 27th with set up so worrying they are going to feel pushed out. So going to try our best to make sure they have a nice Christmas and feel included in the wedding.

Their mum is unbelievably difficult and honestly hell would freeze over before she let us have them Boxing Day. Even this one year.

lookluv Sun 16-Oct-16 13:04:08

lello - must be something to do with being the OW and an bollockless EX.

Mine had had 1 Xmas Day with their father in 5 yrs. They were made to sit in a bedroom with EX and open their presents whilst his DP sorted lunch for her father and her SM and the rest of the family.

Her kids were with their DF in the morning, so she did no want to see children before they got there. They were not allowed to bring their presents downstairs to open in the afternoon and play with them, with her DCs.

In the afternoon they had to sit and watch her DCS open all their pressies (alot) and no playing with her DCs presents. Her SM bought them each a present which was lovely of her but that they had to go upstairs to open it.

Effing bollockless EX - let her do it, which pisses me off even more. I had to pick them up on Boxing Day at a petrol station, with their pressies and all the used wrapping paper, my job to throw it away.

They got in the car and were v quiet till Ex drove off then I had the hugfest from hell. It was heartbreaking.

Ex then said it was best if he had them on boxing day only as it was too stressful for the OW to hear them talk to me on the phone and have them in the house.

She is a minger and he is a bollockless wet weekend for not standing up for his kids.

Ilovenannyplum Sun 16-Oct-16 13:11:22

Lookluv
My god that's bloody awful, your poor kids, I can't believe their Dad went along with that shock

selfishcrab Sun 16-Oct-16 13:54:08

Apparently before DH and I got together they took it in turns on Christmas day.
For the first 3 years we had been together we have had DSS from the day he broke up from school until 9pm on Christmas eve and he was back at 11am Christmas day and then stayed till he went back to school!
My own DS has never spent Christmas with his father as his father would only see him twice a year max (he lives 10 miles away and drives)and he'd not seen him all year and text me demanding he had DS Christmas eve and Christmas day until 5pm as his whole family were having a party and they wanted DS there (his family had family coming that had never met DS, problem was the fathers parents and siblings hadn't bothered with DS in years no cards, no contact on birthdays, Christmas etc he also stated that I had to pick DS up by 5pm from his parents that live 100 miles away) DS who was 11 by this time said no to his father so I then told him no and said he could see him Boxing day and he's had no contact since as apparently I'm a cunt who stopped him seeing his son.
Now we have both all Christmas as SS and the school decided that DSS was better off living with me ( DH works out of country for 6 months of the year so I'm DSS guardian).
It's lovely and stress free.

DisneyMillie Sun 16-Oct-16 16:52:12

So far ex-h has dd the week before Xmas and brings her back Christmas Eve and we then have her. Dd likes to be here (her main home) and ex-h isn't bothered. Very glad as I hate the idea of not being with her on the day (although accept I would if requested)

Somerville Sun 16-Oct-16 17:03:42

Why can't your DS open his present with your DSD, OP? You could all wait and open all the tree presents after she's arrived. Give DS some stuff in his stocking that will keep him happy for the morning, get on with all the cooking and then start all the celebrations properly once DSD arrives.

CozyAutumn Sun 16-Oct-16 17:07:52

Somerville I don't think it's fair to make him wait though. Children love opening their presents under the tree on Christmas morning and there is something a bit magical about it for them, so to make him hold back is a bit mean imo.

CozyAutumn Sun 16-Oct-16 17:09:01

Especially when his sibling will be enjoying opening presents on Christmas morning elsewhere whereas he has to wait.

Somerville Sun 16-Oct-16 18:40:47

Mine don't open them Christmas morning. Well just stockings. I find the anticipation for tree presents after lunch makes it even more magical, they love looking at the tree and getting excited about whose present might be whose.

It's up to you, of course. But I'm a big believer in altering the traditions to fit the circumstances - doing so has helped my kids to have better christmasses than they could have had under some crap circumstances.

CozyAutumn Sun 16-Oct-16 18:55:36

Fair enough. The op's ds might not be happy with waiting that's all I'm saying. Not because he's a brat or anything though. What you do with your children is magical for them (and you) and that's lovely, but for other children (mine included) it might be a big ask.

Evilstepmum01 Sun 16-Oct-16 21:40:24

Aww no, totally unfair on DS to expect him to wait til 2 or later to open his presents-thats just cruel! Especially as hes little and his sister will be opening presents in the morning!
What we've done in the past is open his presents in the morning, then keep the family presents for him to open when she opens hers.
I guess I'm just disappointed he wont ever get to wake up with her and run downstairs together!
Oh well, we'll just have to make sure its special for him too!
Everyone does christmas differently-I just, like most parents, want them to have the best day!!
Maybe its time to introduce new traditions to fit the circumstances!! grin

lello and lookluv-what a shame for your kids, very sad.
Interesting to see how everyone else does christmas tho. Nae easy being a blended family.

NZmonkey Sun 16-Oct-16 22:40:17

We have alternative years. Year one we have Christmas eve till midday Christmas day then DSD goes to her mums and year two we have from midday Christmas day to boxing day. Its about as fair as it can be and its in the parenting agreement so there are no arguments about it.

mayd Wed 19-Oct-16 03:31:26

I have a strange experience of blended family Christmases; since my parents divorced when I was 10, both my parents (and both sets of Grandparents), plus my step mum, step dad and step siblings have always come together at my Grandparents house every year, and as far as I'm aware there has never been any major drama surrounding it either I was probably just oblivious. Also, the mother of my brother's first born still stays with us at Christmas, even with her new partner.

I'm having an altogether different experience with my OH's Ex this year though (who would have guessed?). She's usually great, and I understand that Christmas is a sensitive time/topic so I'm just trying to stay out of it. It's currently looking as though we will get their DC from 23-26th, but she will have them from the evening of 26th practically until they go back to school. The arrangements have changed approximately 6 times in the past two weeks though, so Christ only knows. Alternate years wouldn't work for either of us, unfortunately.

WiltingTulip Wed 19-Oct-16 03:51:47

We take turns. All the kids sleep over on Xmas eve, spend Xmas day then go to other parents' on Boxing Day. We're pretty flexible so if there's s new baby or something a bit special they may do the same parent twice in a row.

If they're not with me I give them a special present before they go (all the dcs get one) and send their other presents to be opened on Xmas day.

This year my ex and his partner might come to ours for Xmas also.

FenellaMaxwell Wed 19-Oct-16 04:02:59

I came from a blended family and we did it how somerville suggested - it was important to is to be together, and the anticipation of waiting for all the presents made opening them more fun. It's not cruel to have him wait a few hours, especially if he's had a stocking!

SenecaFalls Wed 19-Oct-16 04:28:21

I grew up with divorced parents and then became a stepmother when I married. Growing up, I alternated years between my mother and father. My step-children alternated as well (they are adults now). I'm American so we have Thanksgiving (which I always have preferred to Christmas anyway) and in years that Christmas was with one parent, Thanksgiving was with the other.

mixety Wed 19-Oct-16 06:50:27

DSS and his very flexible and accommodating mum are the least of our Xmas worries, with DP and I both having parents in other countries to work out how to see every year. Sometimes DSS comes with us for all of Xmas week to do an international Xmas, sometimes we race back across the continent to drop him off at his mum's on xmas day or boxing day, sometimes we all stay here and he does most of Xmas at his mum's and a separate one with us before the day itself.

This year for the first time we are staying here but doing a huge joint Xmas with DSS's mum and her family! Should be lovely hopefully.

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