Here we go!!!

[Nursed123]

It's that time again..... Step kid weekend!

I'm just sitting, with wine in hand, waiting for them to descend.

I really wish I could say I look forward to these weekends but I dread them for various reasons

Here's and for anyone else who can relate

[Matilda2013]

Mine is in bed already has been for about half an hour refusal to eat dinner and put to bed after kicking out at me. She's here for the week though so hopefully the behaviour improves or I'll have pulled my own hair out!

[Wdigin2this]

I so admire you DSM's who cope with DSC visiting every/every other weekend, I know I couldn't have done it...which is why I never went near a man with young DC!
But it must be exhausting, it's like your home is not your own for the duration. And if you have DC of your own of similar age, how the hell do you cope with different parenting methods, DisneyDad behaviour from your O/H because he's afraid to upset them....and worst of all, that look, (I've seen some SC give their father's partner) that says, 'You're not my parent, I don't have to listen to you! '

[Nursed123]

I have my fingers crossed for you Matilda2013!

[CannotEvenDeal]

Well my dss lives with us and I do love him to bits but bloody hell his hormones are a nightmare at the mo! The joys of teens

for sure tonight

[needahugbug]

It's the Disney Dad but I actually find more annoying then the children !!

[needahugbug]

Bit

[Ghostqueen]

I feel a stranger in my own home because DH ignores agreed rules. Think he will do the same with our DD anyway. We are trying routine this weekend.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

for me, sadly no as I'm pregnant. I love my DSC to bits and usually look forward to seeing them every weekend. But today I'm shattered and my usually very sensible non-Disney DH let one of them eat an entire box of shortbread before lunch so he barely ate any proper food and has been running riot kicking a football all over the house while the other one managed to slop soup all over herself, her chair and the nice new table abs just left it, and twice not flush the toilet leaving the place in a tip.

As they're here every weekend and in the week, and we get on well I usually get involved in normal parenting and they listen if I ask them to clear up or flush the bloody toilet but I was about to just lose it half an hour ago!

I was going to hide under the duvet and read, pretending the chaos was far far away, but he caught my expression and has taken them out to burn off some steam!

Even when you love them and it's usually relatively easy, there are times when it's hard.

Today I think it's mostly me and they're just being children. But I'm tired and hormonal and sometimes I'd like a whole weekend to myself.

[happyinthesunshine]

I love every minute of these precious weekends. They are children for so little time, helping them become well rounded adults is a privilege denied to many. They will be gone in the blink of an eye. Fuss over them, welcome them, love them, they will thrive. We look forward to weekends with all our children home.

[ToujeoQueen]

Go to a hotel for the weekend

[Matilda2013]

Happy it's not that we don take love them and don't appreciate that they're just kids and won't be kids for long. I love my dsd and most of the time she loves me too just sometimes it's hard. We've had a few weekends where she's been really weird around eating her food properly but I imagine it's just as frustrating if it's your own child as it is for step children. It's just phases

[Evilstepmum01]

I've just had a week of DSD and only fell out with her once (a record) and also over food and her ability to throw up for attention (thanks to her stupid mother). We have her EVERY weekend so its tiring. Not helped by her idiot mother telling her she doesnt have to do as I ask cos Im not her mummy. Nope, but in my house, I'm THE mummy and it makes for an easier life!
I have long since knocked the Disney dadding and pandering to his ex wife on the head but we still argue about his daughter a lot. Just normal tho I think in step families. I have finally got him to stop thinking: 'he has to do whats best for DSD' and instead think: 'whats best for evil, our DS and DSD'.
Its fuckin hard (I have sunk a bottle of wine this evening-thoroughly deserved) but I love DH and our wee family, even if I do need a wee break from her (cunningly disguised as daddy/daughter time).
So, a wee break till next weekend and suck it all up again and think of the kiddies
must not smack ex wife in her stupid face
must buy more wine

[Ghostqueen]

Not helped by her idiot mother telling her she doesnt have to do as I ask cos Im not her mummy.

When my daughter is older and stays with other people I would expect her to follow the rules made by the adults she stays with be it my parents, her schoolfriends parents or anyone. When you are in someone else's house it is their rules and step parents are the same as parents when it comes to rules for the house.

[NNChangeAgain]

happy it's great that you and your DSC enjoy your time together, but for many DCs their "contact weekend" is fraught with conflicting emotions and torn loyalties.
That manifests itself in their behaviour and the adult who they are least emotionally attached to is often the one who gets the thin end of the wedge.

Fussing over, welcoming, and loving my DSC's destroyed their relationship with me and their dad. I'd have been better to take their lead (which they in turn took from their mum) and remain distant rather than expose them to care and attention that they were emotionally ill equipped to cope with.

It's essential that stepmums take their lead from the DCs - doing otherwise is a recipe for disaster.

[lorien99]

EvilStepmum - love, love, love your comments! I could have written them myself

[MotherofA]

This thread is so reassuring! Last time I posted on MN about step parenting I got lynched and to be honest deleted the app and hadn't used the site since ! Up until last week.
Evil step mother you sound like me also . We have dsc every weekend and often one day in the week due to their mother being a lazy inadequate self obsessed creature . She rarely has them read school books , doesn't provide proper meals and usually has one or more people living at her house (non working family members ) .
DSC also have food issues and DSS still tries the heaving and throwing his food up , all learnt from their mother as with your situation . Despite reading , baking and bike ride DH and I still fell out because I said DSS had to eat all his dinner if he was having some of the brownies and cookies we made .... the other two children had to ?! Usually DH will eat his dinner or throw some away when I am not looking but I wasn't having that this time . No wine for me as pregnant and boy do I miss it !

[Evilstepmum01]

lorien99 being a stepmum is hard, but I find wine helps hugely!

You may borrow 'I'm THE mummy'!!

[Evilstepmum01]

MotherofA is it possible our DSC's useless mothers are related?

Her mum rarely bothered to do her speech therapy homework with her-I'm still doing it! FFS, its not hard!
I also got lynched for being a stepmum and having opinions-you just cant win! So fuck it, I do it my way! Best way of coping!
Theres still tension when she comes from her mums (her mum has never had her full-time, even in holidays, DSD will be sent to relatives for sleepovers), so when she comes back, shes a rude, spoiled brat.
Our rules and consistency give her the security she needs and I dont give a fuck if her mum thinks we're too strict. (we're not, we're softies who have listened to her crying cos her mummy doesnt have time for her).

So step-mumming or even step-parenting is an exercise, knowing when to step in for the sake of the child and knowing when to step out and say to DH 'you need to speak to your child'.

A balancing act made easier with wine!

Sorry you cant have any, good luck with pregnancy, your first?

[Nursed123]

Oh ladies I've just read your comments - you are all fab!
This website is so helpful
Big glasses of wine to you all!!! Deffo agree that makes life easier! (Non alcoholic for the pregnant ladies! ) xx

[MotherofA]

Hahahahaha maybe they are ! Since coming across this woman I have discovered they are a more common breed than I was aware . Similar to me as DSD is at least a year behind with reading yet it's me that is always getting her to read . Worry DSS is going to be on the same path .
Dont think her very heavy smoking and drinking in pregnancy has done them any favours .
I sometimes get on edge and dread them coming but am trying so hard to be positive and make them feel loved . I have a DD 9 , she said to me this morning "It must be really hard for them having their mum who doesn't like their hair done or make dinners or read and coming here and it's totally different ... they must feel like their arms are being pulled in different directions " . An accurate observation I thought , bless them all .
Love this thread and all your posts ladies x

[MotherofA]

Sounds like ours also ! She puts on this complete pretence about her children but really cannot be bothered to parent them properly ! DSD always says "why do we have to wash every day ? We don't at home " poor things x

[Evilstepmum01]

They must be related! Tho, credit where due, DSD washes her hair everyday at her mums (with conditioner bought by us might I add)......

[MotherofA]

Ah so sad isn't it

[Bananasinpyjamas1]

Fussing over, welcoming, and loving my DSC's destroyed their relationship with me and their dad. I'd have been better to take their lead (which they in turn took from their mum) and remain distant rather than expose them to care and attention that they were emotionally ill equipped to cope with. NNamechange. That is a very interesting point.

I did try to give my DSCs space, but in the end it just made the weekends very stilted and uncomfortable. I wasn't being myself at all. And to be smiling 'hello' and constantly getting the cold shoulder was very soul destroying! Not saying hello, was also just as hard.

I'm not sure what I'm saying, just that if DSCs do have a problem, conflicting loyalties or whatever, then I'm not sure it is a situation that ever is going to be comfortable. Wow that sounds so gloomy! What can we do? Just and [chocolates] to anyone experiencing the same!