What age is appropiate and when did you tell your children that their brother/sister is half brothers?

(15 Posts)
pomegranate1975 Sat 06-Aug-16 09:43:07

What age is appropriate and when did you tell your children that their brother/sister is half brothers?

I have two teenage children from my 1st marriage and 2 children from my current marriage. We all live together, and the younger two children dont know that they have half siblings.

I dont want to tell them as they are in primary school and wont understand. Also they will tell their friends and i dont want drama in the house. I dont want them to look at them at different or lose love or anything like that. When is a matured age to tell them?

DerekSprechenZeDick Sat 06-Aug-16 09:48:10

You don't.

I think this half sibling shite bollocks. I don't see my siblings as halves. I was brought up with them so they are my siblings. End of.

You don't need to sit down and say 'oh by the way you're only half siblings' you just don't

Heratnumber7 Sat 06-Aug-16 09:50:25

Don't they know the older two have a different father tnough? Surely he must figure in your lives at some points. How do you explain that to them?

hunibuni Sat 06-Aug-16 09:52:36

Why would you? My DSC didn't live with us but they have always just been my DCs sisters and the daughter that XW had has always been referred to as DSDs sister when anyone has asked.

YumYumThePig Sat 06-Aug-16 10:01:36

I don't think it should be discussed until the DC ask about it.

Surely it's irrelevant. My half sister and half brother are no less of a sibling than my full brother. It's just not important

lovetheweekends Sat 06-Aug-16 10:01:41

I don't personally think it's a big deal at all. My DD has a half sister who she has always known has a different mum to her and it has never been an issue, they're just sisters.
I don't think it would be something that would cause any drama if your kids told their friends - its very common to have half/step siblings.

FenellaMaxwell Sat 06-Aug-16 10:11:08

I don't understand why you've never just been open about it from the outset? I was raised in a 'blended' family, and we were always told from as early as I can remember that while some of us had different mummies and daddies, we were one family and they were just my brothers and sisters to me.

CannotEvenDeal Sat 06-Aug-16 13:59:52

I wouldn't bother either tbh... my dss has no contact with his biological mother and she has asked for this to stay this way and would like me to adopt him. If I had a biological child I would just say 'big brother' but I suppose this would be different with his actual "mum" in the picture.

Where is your ex?

PeppasNanna Sat 06-Aug-16 14:02:22

It wasn't a 'thing' . I was very open about parentage etc.

Dont over think it. It's very common.

VimFuego101 Sat 06-Aug-16 14:09:55

I've never said anything to DS about DSD being a 'half' sister, but he knows she has a different mother and I'm not her mum. Why do you think it would cause drama?

HeddaLettuce Sat 06-Aug-16 14:15:50

Why would you, people ask? Because its best to tell your children the truth, thats why.
You can tell them they are full siblings but thats a lie.

I think people are confusing how you might feel about siblings and the actual facts of the matter. Telling them they are half siblings, that they have a different parent, does not make the relationship any less important to anyone.
Reality and feelings are two different things. And OP, this shouldn't be somehting to announce to them, it should be something that is just known by everyone. You're hiding it as if its some kind of secret, THAT is what will cause you problems, not telling them is far worse than telling them.

PepsiPenguins Sat 06-Aug-16 14:29:35

My brother is my "half" sibling, never refered to him as that or really even thought about it and I'm fast aporoaching 40.

I was well aware I had a different biological dad to him as a child (baby brother came along when I was 8) but it was never formally announced to me, this is your "half-brother" that would be weird IMO, technically yes he is my half brother but it's irrelevant to me and him, he's my baby brother and a bit of a shit but I still love him

ThumbWitchesAbroad Sat 06-Aug-16 14:36:45

Hum. Well if the older 2's father isn't on the scene at all, then the younger 2 have no reason to know any different - why would you feel the need to tell them?

But if you insist on it, then I'd say about 7 is a good age. Family member has 3 DC, except the oldest one is her partner's but not hers, despite having been brought up by my family member since a few months old. Originally, the child was to be told all along that they had a different mother, but that ended up not happening - so family member was counselled to tell the child at 7. In the end it was taken out of her hands as the bio mum turned up for a visit (second one only since leaving the child) and so things had to be explained. Hasn't made a bar of difference to any of the relationships, including with the child's (half)siblings.

navylily Sat 06-Aug-16 16:48:55

I think at the point when they learn about the biological way a father is related to his children (sex, etc) then they ought at the same time to be told that on some cases (like their elder siblings) it's possible for one man to be their "father" but actually they have someone else who lives with them and is dad/daddy to them. There's no need to say that they are therefore only half siblings, though I wouldn't correct them if they used this term themselves when getting their heads round the implications.

But it's not right to have them aware of how babies are made and being effectively lied to about who made their older siblings. You'd also be forcing your older DC (who presumably know the truth?) to have to play along with this lie, or face dropping a bombshell.

Cosmo111 Sat 06-Aug-16 21:40:22

My DS is aware he has a different dad to my other two but he fiercely loves his siblings. My ex was a bit vindictive and took pleasure in pointing out when I had my DD she was only 'half blood' and not a full sister, DS was five at the time and extremly upset by this. I explained that they both of them share the same womb and grew inside my tummy and will always have that connection to one another they live and grow alongside one another on a daily basis. EX doesn't have any other Dc but I would never be such a shit to describe a new baby in this way that was related to my DS. As for my DD she always known DS to go see his DF.

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