AIBU

[Maria1243]

I have 4 month old with partner
He has 4 year old with ex
They broke up when she was 6 months, were on and off for a while then completely cut off relationship and made it only about SD
however she walked all over him, she had him take her only when she felt like it, threatened not seeing her for Christmas because he has new gf(not me previous) had him take SD on her days of so she could do things that she wanted, never gave clothes he always had to buy, yet asked for matinence money plus private nursery money over £200 even though he had her 3/4 nights a week.
Once I came into the picture I learnt he despised ex and I told him not to say anything bad about the mother of his child etc (I grew up with parents at each other throats) but I quickly learned she was a bitch after I fell pregnant and had ectopic scare and she basically laughed at it and said I was taking BF away from daughter (I was hospitalised)
I had a very difficult pregnancy and me and BF tried hard to stay south, however my mother was relocating north offered us a place to live (with her, huge house because company bonus) and to help with baby. BF wanted to go to get away from ex as he knew he was under her thumb and knowing he wouldn't see SD as much was happy to build a new family and in long run would benefit her ( way cheaper to try and get a house than where we lived)
Ex went berserk and even tried to convince him to get back with her but BF ignored and arranged every other weekend where he drives down south to see SD. We have done this every other weekend since October last year ( special arrangement for Xmas) bar the weekend I gave birth because I just could travel and this weekend just gone because he just can't afford it. Ex however now is saying he won't get to see SD again because he's 'inconsistent' and doesn't bother calling, etc and he is a failure
Now recently SD is becoming a bit bitchy and bratty, she's ex only child and is spoilt rotten, any tantrum she throws she gets what she wants, she bites screams kicks and mum gives her what she wants. She even kicked me in stomach (on purpose) at 7 months pregnant just before being dropped to ex, and ex cuddled and kissed her because she was crying and told BF to leave as he was upsetting her. She's rude and unappreciative because of ex raising her, and I have no problem with ex raising her child her way, but I'm not allowing myself and BF to have accept behaviour because of treatment with ex.
AIBU to say to support BF to cut off ex? He hates her (I mean literally hates) he now can't stand SD because of way she's being raised (not that he doesn't love her of course) he can't afford journeying plus doesn't have time too, and all in all he has just given up, and doesn't want to be 3 hours away and still under exs thumb. After weekends down south hes stressed out upset and annoyed and I'm agreeing with him just not having anything to do with it anymore. What should happen?

[pegomassive1]

He can't stand his child!!!!! That's disgusting and you want to have a family with a man who CANNOT STAND his young child!!! I'm shocked

[pegomassive1]

And your happy for him to "not have anything to do with it anymore." Fucking disgraceful if this is a real situation that this man can't stand his child and is willing to cut her out his life....I'm shocked. I even had to read this 3x I can't believe what I'm seeing.

[Maria1243]

No as in he can't stand way she acts?
He's not willing to cut child of he doesn't want the exs hassel, she's made his life miserable to say the least, he still wants to see her, for longer periods of time and holidays, but ex isn't allowing it, so he's not fighting with her anymore

[Maria1243]

It's not disgusting at all, just because they're your child doesn't mean you have to like the way they act or do things? I know my mother couldn't stand me or the way I behaved sometimes, at no fault of her own, doesn't mean she didn't love and support me? You don't have to like or want to be around anyone even family, if they're mistreatment is the expense of your happiness, of course parents do it because it's their child, he loves her and would give up the world for her, doesn't mean he has to like the way she is because her mothers raised to be someone he doesn't like?

[Maria1243]

*their mistreatment

[pegomassive1]

he can't stand her horrible horrible thing to say about a child.

and knowing he wouldn't see SD as much was happy to build a new family and in long run would benefit her a NEW FAMILY... no his daughter IS PART OF HIS FAMILY... how on fucking earth does it benefit a child for the father to build a new family in which she is quite clearly not liked... poor girl

he can't afford journeying plus doesn't have time he doesn't have time... fuck me this man DOESN'T HAVE TIME to see his daughter what a fucking star dad

[TheFallenMadonna]

He loves her and would give up the world for her, but is planning on no longer seeing her, to build his new family with you 3hours away? Have I misunderstood?

[Mrscaindingle]

Are you really asking if it's OK for your DP to walk away from his 4 year old DD because he doesn't like his ex?

[Longlost10]

you have just called a 4 year old "bitchy" and "bratty". You are disgusting. The child is best off a thousand miles from you. You are utterly toxic.

However, she does need to see her father regularly, and as the one who chose to move away, he is liable for the cost of transport for visits.

I hope you keep well clear, and leave them alone together though

[Thomasisintraining]

Tbh I think your best bet is to go back to the start and channel your inner self and remember how you felt with your parent's situation. Use that as best as you can to move forwards. None of it is ideal so you can only make the best of a bad lot but try to do it as best as you can from a place of empathy and compassion for the child. It all sounds very messy and at the moment there are absolutely no winners. Some one needs to salvage the situation, it would say a lot more about your DP if it was him and not you.

[Unsurechicken]

Could you all compromise and do one weekend a month? How far away are you is of feasible to being sd to your house for the whole weekend and school holidays?

[Maria1243]

No he doesn't have time he's to busy working 40/50 hours a week to support his children, and provide homes for both of them?!?
He can be happy about having a new life away from people and yes building a new family (as it's not with ex, any family would be new) that she is very much included and part of?! Benefit in the long run as he can provide an actual house where she can have her own place, seeing as he lived with his parents down south and he was sharing a fucking room with his daughter?! He didn't have the money to move out as every last penny went to goldigging ex and towards daughter????

[user7755]

Are you for real?

[Maria1243]

Can I just say bratty and bitchy are not my words, those are describing words given to me by others so no I have not called her bratty and bitchy

[Maria1243]

We want to be able to have her 2 weeks or more at a time but ex is refusing, we've said no problem in coming to get her/ drop her off but she's refusing any more than 3 days us having her

[TheFallenMadonna]

I don't understand. I thought your first post said that he was considering not seeing her any more. Is that not the case?

[Longlost10]

We want to be able to have her 2 weeks or more at a time why? shes far too young.

[Kn33]

Get a grip!

[Maria1243]

No he is begging to see her, but ex is refusing, so he's said to me shall he just not bother with ex/trying untill she will compromise

[stitchglitched]

How much maintenance does he pay? Just wondering what counts as 'gold digging.'

[Maria1243]

Why is she far too young?

[TheFallenMadonna]

So, not bothering with his ex will mean he still sees his daughter?

[Kn33]

And what's going to happen when she starts school?
He can't have her two weeks at a time then!