DSS is 4 years old and I have been with DP since he was 2. Due to his mother failing to tell DP he was the Father until she applied for Maintenance when he was 2, DP also missed out on these years
Fortunately since contact was established it has gone brilliantly. DSS mother however is lets just say not my number one fan. I think she had ideas of a happy family with DP (despite them being a one night only thing) and I ruined that.
I live with DP and his parents (starting to build our own house) and DSS is with us or with DPs parents at least 4 days per week. We were having between 2 and 3 overnights per week until Mother realised this would have an impact on Child Maintenance and cut it to 1 night only. We now leave DSS home at 7.00pm to collect him at 7.30am the following morning - ridiculous. DP has advised that he will not tell CSA and will sign a document to this effect but that the current routine isn't fair on DSS. She has refused. DP continued to ask for 6 months (he hates confrontation) she refused. DP went to Solicitor who wrote letter, she went mental but then ignored the letter. DP has now issue proceedings, Court date is 22nd June although we don't think she has been served with the proceedings yet .
Long and short is that in the last couple of months DSS mother really seems to not be coping. Before DSS started Nursery she wasn't working or studying either so it was all very relaxed. Now he has places to go and so does she it all seems to be falling apart. Teacher has told us that the days she takes him to Nursery he is upward of 30 minutes late and often misses a Monday (when she is also off work). Her house is apparently filthy, DSS has no clothes, DP had to buy new uniform despite her having a Uniform Grant, Maintenance, Benefits, Working Tax Credits, a wage and also no rent to pay. DP has gone as far as buying coal for the fire because he is worried about DSS. DSS is given nothing other than pizza and toast to eat.
There has been a 'Preparation for P1' class on for the last 4 weeks on a Tuesday evening for parents and carers. DP asked the teacher if I could go. I spend nearly as much time with DSS as he does. Teacher could not have been more than lovely and we have been going for the last 4 weeks and got to know some of the other Mums and it's been great.
It was his birthday last week, we organised a party with his school friends. Invited mother, maternal grandmother, aunt and uncle. Not one of them showed up and then at the party I was being told by other Mums that DSS hasn't been taken to their childrens parties. There was a Mum there who was a former friend and she told me that when she was friends with the mother she was so concerned as to DSS welfare that she came close to ringing Social Services and then DP came on the scene.
This made me so sad. DSS mother just appears to have totally given up. She puts on a good front to others but she really doesn't seem to be caring for him very well.
He is due to Graduate from Nursery soon and I really want to go. The invite is for parents and relatives and shortly after that there is an afternoon to meet his new teachers etc. His Mother doesn't even do his homework, she has no concern for his education. I really want to go, I will feel awful if I don't and DP and his family are insisting I go but I know she will hit the roof and I am worried about Court and about any impact on DSS.
Sorry for the essay but feel in desperate need of some advice
Also I am not slandering DSS mother, I have no doubt she loves DSS but I am worried about her level of care.
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Wrong to think I should be able to go to Nursery Graduation?
72 replies
Kez437 · 01/06/2016 15:39
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