Bank Holidays! Again, I'm the last to learn step son is coming home from Uni for the Bank Hol weekend.

[DontMindTheStep]

Just saying up front too; I'd feel the same if it was my DS as it being my DSS.

Apparently DS had sent a recent text to a dead phone number for my DH saying he wanted to come home Friday. But DS didnt follow it up, and I have spoken to him today and he's on his way!

His BM and brothers knew he was coming some time ago (not sure when but for say a week). They don't tell us, or me, or perhaps they did tell my DH but DH denies that (he has for for hiding things but is getting better).

It is often the case that I am outside the loop.

I make a bit of fuss about not knowing stuff, and it's improving. DH seems to understand about bed making and massive food provision and me being an insider and not incidental, and he is trying.

I am a bit peeved because now the weekend will consist of sorting out a purchase of a new computer for DSS and I will be left sorting out everything else, and all the other kids. There'll be laundry (him doing) and unwanted uni kit lying about the place. It's easier if I knew that was the plan. I feel a bit dashed.

I will still make a fuss of DSS, doing lovely food and asking how he is, and lots of smiling. But I will nudge him to text me too next time. We do text sometimes, but he's a boy and there's not much chat.

Anyone else preparing to force smiling their way through Bank holiday weekend??

[Adelecarberry87]

To be honest he lives at university I wouldn't make such an issue of him visiting nor would I be laying out the red carpet he's living at university he should be able to be self efficient.

[LineyReborn]

I know what you mean. It's not the arrangements per se, it's how it's all done and how every other fucker seems to know except you, until a couple of days before.

[DontMindTheStep]

Thanks Adele and Liney.
I shouldn't lay out the red carpet maybe. But it's nice, isn't it, for him to feel valued. Perhaps I am over doing it.
And yep, I feel left out of plans.
Actually, if I did less when not warned, they might keep me better informed?

Now actually, there's a plan...

[Mirandawest]

I'd be a bit pissed off too. I guess I'm lucky in that my DSS sends google hangouts to me and DP together so we both know what's going on.

[DontMindTheStep]

Someone once told me, in a kind moment, not being mean, that my Ex left me, and left me with the kids (to have Space) because he could. I was too capable.

I'm not a door mat! But I am calm and capable...

I think my second marriage is more evenly balanced, but perhaps he leaves me out of the loop because 'He Can" and I still deliver.
Bought yummy dinner ingredients now. Should've made DH take us to the pub.

[LineyReborn]

You could tell your DSS point blank over dinner that as you are the cook and general factotum or whatever it's called, you want him to text YOU with future homecoming details.

Has he got your number in his phone?

[WreckingBallsInsideMyHead]

Make it clear that if he's not had a reply, he needs to chase it up using a different method.

I'm a step child and it wouldn't occur to me to contact my step parents to arrange a visit, even though I get on well with them. I contact my parent. But I know my parents discuss plsnned visits with their partners.

[LadyV90]

You need to get everyone to download WhatsApp and then create a family group with everyone in it. One message and everyone knows the plans.

[GeorgeTheThird]

Get him to delete the old number while he's home?

[allnewredfairy]

I leave my DD to sort out when she goes to see her dad. On a number of occasions he has 'forgotten' to pass on times etc to his wife and she hadn't been best pleased. Dd now texts both of them together. Problem solved!

[Wdigin2this]

My DSC learned long ago, that any plans, visits, outings, they have to text/inform me......'cos DF forgets