Separated from partner (SF). Should I let my DS still see his SF?

(9 Posts)
Staunts79 Sun 15-May-16 21:46:37

I have just recently separated from my partner of 3 years. For the last year my son and I lived with my partner but in the 2 years prior to that, my partner stayed over at our house frequently and so a bond had been developing for some time. My son is 5 1/2 years old now and over the last 3 years bonded with my partner quite considerably and loved spending time with him. My son does also have a close relationship with his own father who shares custody half and half but saw my partner as a stepfather and loved him.
Anyway, I have had to move out of our shared home and back home with my Mum (Agggh!) but obviously my son is desperate to see my now ex partner still and I am not sure what to do. Will it confuse him more in the long run? I don't want to damage my son anymore than he is already. When I separated from his father, he was very small and so never questioned it. However, at 5 1/2 years old, he can't understand why he can't see his stepfather. Amy advice would be appreciated.

lateforeverything Sun 15-May-16 21:50:07

Have you spoken to your ex partner about your son's wishes? How does he feel about it?

QuiteLikely5 Sun 15-May-16 21:52:39

I just don't think I would do this for the long haul but what I would do if possible would be to meet occasionally at a soft play or for lunch maybe and then just phase it out.

Bananasinpyjamas1 Sun 15-May-16 23:32:56

That's hard. Do you have a fairly OK relationship with your Ex? One that won't get too acrimonious? If so, then I'd have a word with your Ex partner, and agree on a 3 month regular contact, perhaps for a lunch or afternoon EOW? Depending on how reliable your Ex is, if it goes well, and your Ex won't just leave your son in the lurch when he has a new GF, then it could carry on indefinitely?

Staunts79 Mon 16-May-16 08:46:42

I have spoken to my ex about him seeing my son and he would like to. He is just concerned (as I am) that it would confuse him more and he might he might get more upset. My relationship with my ex is quite difficult at the moment but only because the breakup is still fairly new (5 weeks). We aren't actively arguing or anything though, it's just upsetting. I wouldn't want to spend time with him and my son though so I would probably drop him off with my ex for an hour to play Lego or something. I think that a lunch or afternoon meet up regularly sounds ok. I think I need to sit down and have another conversation with the ex about it to ensure he is serious about seeing my son still.

Staunts79 Mon 16-May-16 08:48:12

And then either my son will lose interest and the contact could be phased out or if he still wants to carry on seeing him and vice versa, I could just do it every 2 months or something?

EatShitDerek Mon 16-May-16 08:51:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Mon 16-May-16 08:53:54

I think saying yes and then slowly phasing it out is a good idea. It sounds like your son has had your exP present in the majority of his life so to cut contact dead could be a bit much for him to handle.

Staunts79 Mon 16-May-16 15:54:57

Thanks all for advice!

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