Finding being a step mum hard and I feel alone!

[Rosewine72]

I have 2 of my own children 10 and soon to be 13. I now have 2 step daughters 10 and 12. We all live together and we do have lots of fun together, holidays days out, meals out etc. But I find it hard dealing with their mum and the older 2 girls constantly fall out, they are both as bad as each other really but it causes problems between me and my dp we both sometimes become defensive over our own which is normal but I felt really let down last night when I was trying to discuss an bitching issue with my dsd I was doing in calmly and explained my dd could be over sensitive sometimes but also it wasn't nice she was whispering in other girls ears about my dd and causing tension in the house, she rolled her eyes at me a couple of times I asked her not to and dp stepped in told me to stop , I said well I'm sorry but u tell mine off if they do it to u , he then said well I don't think she's done much tbh sounds like it's all in your dd head. I just looked at him and stormed out. This isn't the first time either.

I have had to take so much from their mum his ex, she has called me names for 'looking' at her the wrong way! She has sent texts to say her dd looks like a gypo when we've had them , she obviously heard about some of the rows between the 2 older girls and when was in the house once when picking up her dd she left 'fuck u' notes in my dd room. She's done much more but would take too long to go into everything . There is now a bit of a custody battle as she has suddenly decided she wants her younger dd with her after 8 years of my dp having her, and of course she's using me as the bad one, trying to turn her youngest one against me, accusing me of all sorts. I feel so low about it. I do care for my dsds despite problems we have they are both good kids , I do all the caring and running around and I don't mind but this is all really getting to me I do feel like throwing the towel in !!!

[swingofthings]

Stop doing all the caring and running around if it is not going to be appreciated. Let your DP discipline his children and make it clear to him that you discipline yours. When arguments start between the girls, separate them but ultimately, they are at an age when you should need to become much involved any longer and they should learn to resolve their differences between themselves or accept to do leave each other alone.

[Rosewine72]

There was just another text war between the ex and dp apparently the girls don't like me I'm too over bearing , the house is always filthy and I never do their washing when they need it ... I'm not sure if this is what they said or if it's come from the mum , it's not true but there is 6 of us and 2 dogs a cat and I run my own business . I'm trying my best 😔

[BlueberrySky]

Why are you letting her into your home? set boundaries and keep her out!

I had problems with DH's ex. I stopped her coming to the house and would drop DSS off myself, if it meant she kept away. It has made a big difference now, she does not come into our space. We moved house and as far as I know she has not even seen our new house.

Your DP needs to support you, and even if he does not agree he has to support you in front of the kids.

[QuiteLikely5]

In your shoes I would detach, detach, detach.

Do not try to mother or parent these girls in any way. Leave that all to their father. Your role is a thankless one and things could get a whole lot worse with four teen girls living together!

Tbh I would even consider leaving! Drastic I know but even your own dh isn't on your side

[Rosewine72]

Well we didn't want her in the house, my dsd was ill came home from school early her mum came to the house to get her dsd let her in. Unfortunately myself and dp were at work but yes we can NEVER let that happen again. Dp has apologised for last night and for the way his ex is behaving towards me but it doesn't really change anything! I am close to going tbh but it's not an easy option either

[Wdigin2this]

I feel for you OP, and sorry to say it, but it's probably a battle you'll never win.
As these 4 girls all get older and the hormones really kick in, there'll be more tensions, which could result in rows, arguments, accusations, and worst of all....your daughters feeling they don't get a fair deal or full support from you!
I suppose you have choices here, detach from your DSD's completely, which if either of them live with you permanently, would be difficult, try even harder to blend the family....or leave!

[Rosewine72]

I am very close to my dd she confides in me about most things , at the moment anyway, the youngest one is my son he's probably the least trouble out of all of them. I thought I was fairly close to my dsds but it's hard especially with the trouble with their mum cos obviously they are loyal to her not me and I can't and don't say anything bad about their mum so just have to take it .