Hi,
I wondered out there amongst you lovely step parents if you could give me feed back on making the move with your partner to living together.
As Ann aside, we have a special situation, live outside the UK, my partners DD 9 sees him every weekend. She is bilingual in his language (he's from another country) and her mothers language (German). He speaks 6 languages (bloody show off!)
I speak German badly, certainly not enough to build up a good relationship at the moment.
He speaks with his ex in English and with me in English. She won't speak German with him, just their language.
My DS 11 speaks English and German, when they play, it's in German.
So already lots of discussions on this. However, we all like each other very much, and some how have a great laugh and enjoy each other's company. In fact she is always asking when she can come here to see us.
But lots of conversations on what we will speak. Personally I feel that DS and I should learn my dps language because his family don't speak English and that's who we want to develop the relationship with, and also I get his DD it's his culture she wants at the weekends.
But I also feel that she should learn English to get more involved with my family in the UK who can't wait to meet her.
Does that sound fair?
Anyhooooo I'm digressing as usual.
We've been engaging more in the conversation of him moving in here and which bedroom she would have, both kids want a dog etc
At the weekend he mentioned that when we do move together I should meet his ex wife. They have an amicable relationship through gritted teeth. He pays maintenance, is a very good father and she has no complaints there. She has just married and is pregnant with her fourth child (3rd from her current partner). So get life is set up I think and they are independant apart from pick ups etc.
I have no problem meeting her, of course.
However he mentioned that it's only fair she should come and inspect my house and "check the ambience" etc and that it was suitable for her DD.
My ex is dating another woman, DS was unaware until he heard him skyping her. He hasn't met her yet but he asked me about her. I said that his dad was probably not sure if he was ready to introduce her yet and was just taking his time to make sure she was special enough to meet him. From my side (and I met her accidentally at a restaurant) if they wanted to move in together as long as my son came back happy and cared for I feel it's none of my business. I certainly wouldn't be insisting on inspecting their house.
Because I feel that when we split, I lost the right to make any demands on the father of my child.
So I'm just wondering if anyone else had the same demands made on them to make an open house for inspection? I'm quite a private person, and also what if she finds fault? Is she going to provide a fix it list we must adhere to?
The idea also is that I should also let her older half brother (4) come around and play with her when ever she wants. The mother often asks this of my partner at his place at the weekend, and brings the boy in the car for drop off where he screams and screams until he can go and play. On a few occasions my DP had complained because she's come back a few hours late and he's been looking after her son all day. Also at Christmas she needed to bring some medication for his DD and brought the one son over and insisted on going up to his apartment to let the boy play while she spoke to his parents.
I don't want to say no to the thought of this generally because it's my DPs daughters brother, but I also think it's a bit manipulative on his time and what will be my time. (Personally I'd leave the boy with his sister at home rather than him scream in the car and upset himself ).
I have to do a lot at the weekend, our time is quite organised and I am dreading being made to feel the bad guy because of the possible need to think, no, your DD is with her brother all week and a lot of holidays you shouldn't ask. . I feel like we need time to settle in to being a family and making our own lives before meeting the demands of others.
It's all a lot of prospective change, and DS and I have been through a lot lately. We want a peaceful private life. So I may be being a bit irrationally panicky.
Am I being a total bitch for having these thoughts?
Oh we also have to make plans for his ex's niece to stay for sleepovers too.
Do most stepfamilies do this?
It's all fairly new and potentially terrifying for me. Please be kind.
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moving in with partner...
11 replies
barcelosthehappychicken · 27/04/2016 15:38
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