how much 'day' childcare do you provide for dsc

(12 Posts)
loveyoumummy Thu 07-Apr-16 13:12:35

So step parenting is new to me. My dd isn't at school yet so she is with me when I don't work. Dss is on Easter holidays and I've been looking after him on a Monday with my dd. I can manage for a few hours but then they start bickering and it gets very stressful until oh gets home.

Summer hols aren't far away and I'm wondering whether I should, proactively, being saying I will continue to look after dss every Monday? Obviously we are a family so I should be there to help, but when does it go from me fulfilling my role in their life, to being a childcare provider?

Chimpfield Thu 07-Apr-16 13:24:10

To be honest, I expect my DH to take time off when dss stays with us.....( in our situation it is different as we both have adult children with significant additional needs).

Put your own dd first - can your OH take some annual leave - at the end of the day you must be honest with yourself from the start as to how much you can do or you will make a rod for your own back. Dss is OH responsibility.

loveyoumummy Thu 07-Apr-16 13:47:18

Thanks chimp field. Because of the day's my dd spends with me/her dad, I don't want her to feel that she is having to share me all the time - I'm sure I wouldn't feel this if they were real siblings?

My oh can't as he's a contractor so if he doesn't work he doesn't get paid. I just don't want him to rely on me to provide it, iyswim?

Bananasinpyjamas1 Thu 07-Apr-16 15:19:50

Please do what is right for you and your daughter first and above all else. Every Monday is a huge commitment over the holidays, and you sound like you find it a bit much and there is bickering.

If you really want to help, suggest one or two Mondays for the whole summer, no more. Then if it feels better, you can increase it next year.

I had this, they were from 9 upwards so I got caught as their Mum said they could look after themselves, yet sent them to our house for a lot of the holidays without any consulation with me. I ended up being put upon really, with a load of teenagers crashing about while I was trying to look after young children on my own. It was very unfair and I think it damaged my relationship with my step kids too. We need to have time on both sides to get used to each other, it's not like hiring a babysitter!

CantWaitForWarmWeather Thu 07-Apr-16 15:37:22

Could your DH arrange for his DS to go to holiday club every Monday? You won't be able to plan anything on a Monday without having to factor in the fact your DSS will be there, and that might get a bit frustrating at times. You shouldn't have to commit to looking after him if you don't want to, whether your husband is his dad or not.

Petal02 Thu 07-Apr-16 16:20:25

You shouldn't have to commit to looking after him if you don't want to, whether your husband is his dad or not

I agree with this, and also the earlier comment about getting this straight from the start, so that you don't make a rod for your own back.

What did your DH do before you were around?

loveyoumummy Thu 07-Apr-16 20:56:47

This time last year dss was at nursery so childcare was sorted. I just feel a bit taken advantage of.

Lunar1 Thu 07-Apr-16 21:04:57

Is your dd your DH's?

loveyoumummy Thu 07-Apr-16 21:06:37

No she isn't. So they are step siblings. I have 50/50 care of my dd - hence why our one on one time is limited

lateforeverything Thu 07-Apr-16 21:10:15

How long have you been together & how old are the children?

Lunar1 Thu 07-Apr-16 21:13:28

I wouldn't be happy to look after dss in this case either if your time with dd is so limited. Your dh is just going to have to arrange to be off work, he has arranged these days so he needs to cover them. At least if he is off too you can either do things as a family or with your own children. It's not fair for him to expect you to arrange your day off in this way.

The only time I'd say different is one partner is supporting the other to be a sahp, then things would be more complicated.

CalicoBlue Thu 07-Apr-16 22:51:24

I will not look after my DSS at all. I used to but his behaviour and attitude got so bad, I refused to have sole care of him. This has been the case for the past 5 years. I do not even like being on my own in the house with him.

If you are not comfortable or happy looking after him on a regular basis, then tell you DH and let him arrange alternative care.

Being a stepmother does not mean you are a babysitter.

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