what do your dcs call the step parent they live with?

(28 Posts)
MrsBlimey Sun 20-Mar-16 19:56:08

So my DDs have know my DH since they were 2, they're now 9, we've all been living together as family for 3 yrs and he and I have been married for 2. Let's say they call their SF "Bob".

They see "daddy" every other weekend and have a good relationship with him. DH and I are expecting our first in September and DCs are worried about whether they could keep calling him "Bob" if the LO will eventually call him "Daddy". They don't want to shove Daddy 1 out of the picture but they want to recognise Bob as a real-ish daddy and not want to be different from the LO. Daddy 1 has said he doesn't mind if Bob is also called Daddy but the girls don't like the idea of it.

Any suggestions? This must have come up before as a thread so apologies for re hashing. Many thanks

smile

Clueless16 Sun 20-Mar-16 20:12:37

So hard mine just use my name but I guess you could always let your girls decide??

pissedglitter Sun 20-Mar-16 20:15:03

They have always just called him by his name

And I have always called my stepfather by his name too

gamerchick Sun 20-Mar-16 20:15:30

He calls him dad now. I didn't encourage it but his bio dad would go nuts if he slipped up and called him by his stepdads name the bairn now just calls them both dad so he doesn't get told off.

Ex isn't happy but it's his own fault for being a cock about it.

I'm in the let the bairns decide camp as long as stepdads happy to be called dad.

twirlypoo Sun 20-Mar-16 20:15:38

What about something similar like papa, or pops? That way it can be used by all the kids and means "daddy" but isn't actually using the same title as daddy 1 (I've confused myself now!) either that or daddy Bob and daddy paternal name could work? Congratulations on the new baby by the way smile

lateforeverything Sun 20-Mar-16 20:18:33

When dss was little I was Mummy First Name so how would they feel about Daddy 'Bob'?

We found it a nice compromise and then eventually I did become Mummy.

MrsBlimey Sun 20-Mar-16 20:19:43

I like Pops, twirlypoo, thanks, even though it sounds a bit 1950s americana! We've all talked a few times about it and we'll prob end up just seeing what happens. Bit of a cop out, I know, but we don't want to impose a name, esp as they've known him as Bob for so long.

AlisonWunderland Sun 20-Mar-16 20:21:40

Your new baby could call him Bob too.

MrsBlimey Sun 20-Mar-16 20:22:50

Gamerchick - know what you mean. I get annoyed when they call their SM Daddy1's wife, the OW, "Mummy" by mistake after a weekend there....

I guess we'll all just be "the old farts" in a few years anyway, so we should be glad of whatever other label they want to give us in the meantime!

StuRedman Sun 20-Mar-16 20:23:11

My older two call dh 'Daddy' and have done since they were 4 and 5. My ex isn't in the picture though.

Nona79 Sun 20-Mar-16 20:23:21

They have always used his name and when talking about him to their brother they call him "your daddy"

StuRedman Sun 20-Mar-16 20:23:41

They are teenagers now btw.

Sunshine87 Sun 20-Mar-16 20:24:41

DS calls my DH by his name..he has a dad and he sees him regularly. i think it just highlights hes not the dad its using daddy bob and find it abit cringey for me its one or the other. On the flip side how would you feel if your exs DP got mummy. It should be done to the kids tho if they wish to call the person dad but abut strange after so long using their christen name.

Sunshine87 Sun 20-Mar-16 20:25:22

Down

Frusso Sun 20-Mar-16 20:25:49

Why can't they continue to call him Bob?
they will still accept that their new sibling will call him daddy, and Dds will likely refer to him when talking to new sibling as daddy, eg "where's your daddy", "walk to daddy" but Bob when talking to or about him to others.
My dd(10) calls me mum, but when talking to toddler brother will say "go find mummy"

jaffacakesareevil Sun 20-Mar-16 20:31:02

My son just calls his step dad by his name. He has been in his life for more than half of it.

MammyHester9116 Sun 20-Mar-16 20:36:34

I called my SF 'Bob' and my sister came along when I was 13. I don't remember having to tell her anything thing but I guess my fm and sf explained bed it to her at some me point.
Never been an issue for us.

Fourormore Sun 20-Mar-16 20:36:58

All step parents are called by their names for our set up. DH & I have two children together; there's no confusion - your mum is your mum, your dad is your dad and your siblings might have the same mum, same dad or both, or neither!

lateforeverything Sun 20-Mar-16 20:41:26

I suppose it all depends on circumstances. OP's chn are lucky enough to have an involved father. My dss' bio mum essentially rejected him from a very young age and he wanted to call me Mummy almost straight away from age 2 but I didn't think that was right as things could have changed. That's where the Mummy First Name idea came in. As it happens it wasn't cringey because my name went really well with it grin

Long story short dss now lives us full time and his bio mum has blocked us from her life. She does not want to know dss partly because her new dh prefers girls so they are now trying for a baby girl, delightful!

Only when I officially got PR and Residency did I feel comfortable and relaxed enough to be just Mummy. Dss (then 7, now 12) was over the moon bless him.

VelvetCushion Sun 20-Mar-16 20:48:43

Leave it as it is. Dont complicate things unnecessarily.
Just carry on with them calling him Bob. The new baby will grow up knowing they are half siblings as,your other kids go and see their 'Dad'
It will just all come naturally. Dont even think about it.
Also for example why change Bob to Pops??

DisneyMillie Sun 20-Mar-16 23:36:41

Dd calls DP "papa" - she came up with it after watching smurfs I think! It works well for us as he means more to her than just his actual name but she wants to just call her daddy "daddy"

Cherry78 Sun 20-Mar-16 23:47:20

My daughter calls her stepdad by his name unless she wants something and then she pulls the "Daddy" trick.

LilaTheTiger Sun 20-Mar-16 23:54:53

My two call him his name at home and 'my latest stepdad' in company.

They have never had another stepdad. They think they are hilarious. They are sods grin

Deathclawswouldrunfrommykids Mon 21-Mar-16 00:00:03

Kids are smart. They will work it out. My step-brother called my DF "my Bob" and that didn't change when our half-sister came along (who, like me called him dad).

Bananasinpyjamas1 Mon 21-Mar-16 01:07:14

Daddy 1 has said he doesn't mind if Bob is also called Daddy but the girls don't like the idea of it.

I don't really understand. Which girls don't like the idea of it? If these are your daughters, then it's probably just a conversation that is trying to clarify their families? Rather than a real need to feel the same. Because they aren't the same, they have an active Daddy living elsewhere and your child together will have one in the house.

My DS calls my DP by his name, our son him as 'Daddy'. It will have been confusing for my DS to call DP Daddy too.

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