Exes GF tried to turn my son into a vegan!

(7 Posts)
Kangaroo123 Wed 16-Mar-16 13:21:11

I'm a SM myself, and haven't had many problems with my Exes GF in the past, she's much younger than him (19 years younger) and just tried to be friendly to our son.

He's 13 and he just told me that when he last visited she played him some very distressing and disturbing videos of animal farms, saying that he should be vegan, that he didn't ask to see. What's more, she isn't vegan or even vegetarian herself!

She and her family have been impressing on him their views quite strongly, about faddy health diets of just green smoothies etc or their political views but then going on long bike rides without giving him a helmet to wear. One of their family, a single woman in her 30s is messaging him a lot too asking him how he is signing off with kisses - it's all a bit full on! I've talked to my son but he is quite sweet and doesn't like to cause offense by saying that he doesn't always want to be lectured at.

Unfortunatley my Ex is very difficult and there is no way to talk to him about this. What to do? If anything?

howtodowills Wed 16-Mar-16 15:13:39

Sounds weird!!
Do you have a relationship with ex's GF?

Is he close friends with the family member?

Kangaroo123 Wed 16-Mar-16 15:50:14

No, I don't have a relationship with my Exes GF, I did try in the beginning. But she's got a very close group with her family and some friends and doesn't like people outside.

She doesn't like going to see my Exes family or his old friends either. They've always liked my son which for a while I thought was good, but now that they are being very 'matey' and trying to influence his views. I'm not sure it's good for him. I don't know why this other member of the family keeps messaging him either - he's just gone onto a couple of social media sites and I suppose it opens up your life to a lot of people.

howtodowills Wed 16-Mar-16 16:35:12

True on the social media thing though I'd be very mindful of how I communicated with a 13 yr old boy I didn't know that well and probably wouldn't smother my texts in kisses. My 9 yr old nephew who I've known all his life tends to only get one kiss or a smiley on a text... Anything else would gross him out!!

On the vegan thing I'd probably justchat to DS about it... If he was nonplussed by it then I'd try and let it go but if it really bothered / upset him then perhaps ask your ex if you can have a chat with him (and his GF?) about stuff? You could frame it as a bigger chat... Eg now he's a teenager, started using social media etc, getting exposed to more can you have a chat about it as there are some things you're concerned about (eg. Him not being allowed to form his own views!)

I have a good rship with ex so would raise this directly with him.... "DS says he was shown some really disturbing animal films by GF the other day... What's going on?" But if you can't then guess you'll have to try another tack!

Mag314s Wed 16-Mar-16 16:39:24

my 13 yo would be rolling her eyes at her dad's gf in similar circs!

I'd just say "meatballs later, with parmesan?"

Pancakes?

Cup of tea?

Chicken curry tonight?

ben and jerrys!!!

My x was a vegan, and vegetarian I could do but vegan is much harder.

Hissy Wed 16-Mar-16 16:39:37

He's old enough to say he'd rather meet his dad somewhere or not bother at all.

I'd stop the 30odd yr old thing myself, just block her.

I'd also ask them about the videos and suggest that never happen again.

He's 13, that's still an age where he's going to struggle with people like this.

Kangaroo123 Wed 16-Mar-16 18:18:44

Yep it's really awkward. I've talked to my son directly, and said I wanted him to have time to think for himself, not be persuaded heavily, whatever the reason.

My Ex is completely unapproachable, I'd almost say he got to the point where he was emotionally abusive towards me so unfortunately I cannot have any conversations with him at all. My son is just very open and impressionable. I'd never comment on a social media post with kisses! Or show him an emotionally disturbing video. I've told him directly that this isn't really on, but he said 'it was good for him to know stuff'. I don't want him to clam up and not talk to me, because as his Dad doesn't communicate anything my son is the only one to tell me what goes on when he's there.

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