Mediation

[Lala1980]

DP and ex w having issues over contact. Agreed to trying mediation. We live 2 hours apart and both have kids at school so picked venue halfway between (2 hr round trip for each person). Attended our appt last week. Mediator emailed yest to advise DP's ex W has refused mediation at the halfway venue as it is "geographically impossible" with the school run and she'll only do mediation in her hometown (4 hr round trip for us). I'm sorry - we dropped DSS at school, got down there, had our appt, drove back and were hone for lunch. AIBU to expect her to meet halfway? The situation (in our opinion) has been caused by her and now she's making it really difficult to resolve it. DP just wants to see his kids

[RidersOnTheStorm]

Just take her to court if she wont agree to half way.

[HeddaGarbled]

Is it impossible for her to do bearing in mind her school run, transport availability etc?

Why are you attending? Couldn't you do the school run your end while he does the mediation?

[Lala1980]

Hi Hedda I think you are misunderstanding me.
I only attended mediation to support DP.
Were it not possible to fit in between school runs, as you say, I would have done school run for DSS so DP could attend.
However, there is plenty of time to attend mediation between school runs, as we proved last week, when we attended.
It is DP’s ex who is saying it is geographically impossible for her.
It is not. It is no further for her than for us. She has a car and a husband, who could facilitiate the school runs as you suggested I could at our end.
As it is for the mutual benefit of all concerned, why is it impossible to expect both parties to meet half way?

[Bluelilies]

I'd stay out of the mediation. Unless you and his ex are friendly and it's just your DP who's the problem, your presense is very unlikely to make things smoother. If I was her I would hate you being there, being expected to co-parent with someone I'd never chosen to have in my kids lives, and would probably cook up some excuse to try to prevent it!

Support your DP by talking to him beforehand, looking after your joint kids whilst he attends, and letting him debrief afterwards. Do not go along to the mediation.

I can see it's a pain for him to be doing all the travelling - but did she move away from their original home in the first place though? If not, then I can see she might expect your DP always to do the travelling. If he's not prepared to travel to mediation it may look unlikely that he's dedicated enough to manage regular contact with the kids.

[Lala1980]

Hi I wouldn't go to their joint session. Was just at his initial meeting. Ex wife moved away not us. We all have children and school runs. Why is it unreasonable for both parties to meet halfway? Why is it DP that would not look dedicated to his kids?

[UmbongoUnchained]

Maybe she had other stuff going on and couldn't get there in time.

[Fourormore]

What is the contact issue?
If you go to court, it will be a 4 hour round trip anyway so while she's being unreasonable, it's probably in your DH's interest to at least attempt mediation where she is rather than just going straight to court.
What are the contact issues?

[Bluelilies]

It's not unreasonable to ask her to do half the travelling if she moved away. But if she refuses it may be your DP who has more to lose if he's not currrently getting to see his kids.