in laws don't trust us!!!

[Comeonmommy]

AIBU........I live with my fiancé and my daughter. Every other weekend we have my fiancé's daughter stay with us. She has her own room, own toys and her own wardrobe. It is her birthday next week and we have planned to have my parents and in laws round for pressie opening and cake but in laws say they are taking the gifts straight to ex wife's.

Everything is sent to ex wife's house, monetary gifts, pocket money, books, cakes....... I try so hard but I find it a bit insulting - is our house not good enough? Are we not trusted with a couple of quid pocket money?

[tribpot]

Sounds like a conversation for your fiance to have with his parents. I guess his dd does live most of the time with her mum so it makes sense for most things to go there, but if you're specifically arranging a birthday party it seems a bit odd. Have they also been invited by her mum?

[Comeonmommy]

No invite from ex wife - think she finds it weird too!!! Anything my ex husband's family buys my daughter stays at her dad's house and yes, we often send things home with her including clothes that aren't getting worn - we do realise things could be wasted here - I just find it very rude!!

[riverboat1]

Maybe they like / get on with the ex, and want excuses to see her and keep up a relationship with her? Which is fair enough, but it is quite extreme that they do it to the extent you describe.

Will they still come round to yours for cake etc, or are they saying they won't come at all?

[tribpot]

What is your fiancé's take on this?

[Comeonmommy]

Fiancé hates it but as you may have guessed it happens so much he ignores it!!!! Says there is no point arguing with her!!!! Maybe I should just let it wash over me - just needed to rant I guess!!

[Wdigin2this]

Right now, I reeeeaaaly know how much you need to rant....so do I! But there really isn't any point in th end!

[enderwoman]

My ex's mother does this too. I receive all cards, gifts etc at my address.

I don't think it's a trust thing- she probably does it to continue the routine. The kids spend more time with me than ex and she has no idea what our access arrangements are so she probably sees it as better to send it here than to ex (her son).

[SilverBirchWithout]

I guess the ILs are working hard to maintain a good relationship directly with the DCs DM. It is probably important and the right way IMHO to make sure that DM does not feel excluded or marginalised from her own DCs relationship with GPs.

Let it go or you will end up on the wrong side of this situation. You have no right to interfere in how GPs wish to interact with your DSC.

[MummyZELC]

My vile MIL had form for being bosom buddies with my DH ex partners and totally disregarding her only son. After many years of aggro we now have nothing to do with the poisonous bitch and mil is still Bessie's with the ex wife purely for show, it's pathetic really but you have to let it go over your head not eat you up

[Comeonmommy]

Thank you mummyZELC - kinda nice to know someone else has this issue too!!! Christmas resolution, gonna smile sweetly and completely ignore it all xxx

[MummyZELC]

Resist the urge to punch them my MIL very nearly came close - telling me at six months preg that she had 'put her neck on the line' with my DH's ex to attend our wedding and be a part of our family! Luckily she was on the other end of the phone - if she had been stood in front of me I probably would have flattened her. There's no reasoning with people like this - even if say for example your DH had treated his ex wife terribly the bottom line is they are still HIS parents and not hers. And there's every chance that the exw is just using them to spite her ex, and they are playing right into her hands. I mean seriously who actually loves their in laws that much they would choose to have them in their lives after a divorce

[Thymeout]

I did. My ex sister-in-law is one of my closest friends, 30 years later. I was married for 21 years and had known her since she was 11.

I don't usually accept invitations to family occasions - except funerals - because I think my dc's, now grown-up, prefer to keep their worlds separate, but I'm still in touch with all my ex-in laws.

I don't think there's anything odd about this.