Anyone else experienced this? I'm just wondering how this might turn out in the long run.
Quick background: DP has a DD aged 17. He left when she was 8 but has seen her regularly since then for contact. His spilt with his ex was very acrimonious & involved cafcass, psychology reports on his DD, supervised contact when the ex accused him of being an abduction risk (later thrown out of court) etc but he's never missed contact & supports his DD fully, financially & emotionally whenever he can.
We've been together 2 years. He sees his DD every 2-3 weeks (but she's never stayed overnight) & they talk every other day on the phone. Now here's the thing that I find odd...she has a special voice that she uses just for him. Like a tiny 'little girl lost' voice. It's like she's back to being an 8 yr old. I find it odd to say the least, and infuriatingly irritating & manipulative at worst.
She also told me (it was coming up to her 16th b'day & we were talking about the future, life goals & stuff) that she never wants to get any older. Never wants to move out of her mums house & wants things to stay as they are. She wants to go to uni but only if she can stay at home. I said to DP that the every other day phone calls (which always end with a huge amount of "love you, bye, love you, bye, love you bye, love you, bye..." (you get the picture) surely won't carry on once she has her own life as an adult, but he talked to her & she said that of course they'll still talk every other day.
I also have children but my approach is very different, I encourage them to behave like the growing up young adults they are from their teenage years onwards & to be gradually more independent but to always know they can rely on my support & advice if & when they need me. My oldest DD is away at uni, we talk or text about once a week but it will be more or less depending on need. My DD loves being at home too & gets upset when she initially goes back to uni but once she's back she has a great time. I think that's fairly normal.
I finally said to DP about DSD having a special voice & mannerisms just for him (I wasn't sure if he was aware) & he said he knew & that he knows it's not right. I told him he has to enable her to grow up. The conversation ended after this because it was clear he didn't want to talk about it. He perpetuates it by placing her on a pedestal & pandering to her little girl whims. Probably compensating for the fact he left her mum & caused DSDs need for psychological assessments. She's never had any further input as far as I know (other than a diagnosis that she was a "damaged child" as a result of the divorce).
There are other things too. She imitates my clothes & perfume (buys exactly the same) & asked her dad for a bracelet, after passing her exams, that has a symbol on it which is the same as a tiny tattoo my DD & I both have. He thinks that's lovely, I think it's odd. I share that special symbolism with my DD for very personal reasons. He knows this. She also fishes for information from me about me, my past, my ex (DP has deliberately not told her much about my life because he thinks his ex could get weird (as she has in the past) if she knows too much about who I am). I'm quite open about who I am as I have nothing to hide (no dodgy skeletons) but I do get the feeling she's fishing for a reason.
I've never been part of a blended family before & im finding it all a bit odd. I suppose I just have to leave DP & DSD to work it out for themselves but I wondered if anyone has any experience of this.
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Step-parenting
17 yr old Dsd who ?won't grow up
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cakeisnotaproperbreakfast · 02/11/2015 18:35
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