What should we discuss before Dp becomes stepdad

[Tearsoffrustration]

We plan to move in next year & try for a DC of our own the year after.

Has anyone got any advise about what we should discuss /agree on before this?

[SouthAmericanCuisine]

How old are your DC? Do they have contact with their dad? Will your DP be an equal parent alongside you, or will he take a supportive role?

Have you discussed your parenting beliefs with him - what do you, and don't you, agree with? Smacking? Time outs?

What's your view on education?

What is important to you as a mum - are you comfortable being the disciplinarian, or do you find it hard and want to be liked? Would you want your DP to enforce the house rules, or leave it to you?


My DH and I found a lot of these conversations happened when we signed up for parenting workshops together - and we created a new parenting model that suited our new family before we moved in together.

[MsColouring]

Lots of stuff. Spend lots of time together and go away together at least once before he moves in. The issues will arise naturally as things happen. Just make sure you are able to talk about everything. Make it clear which parenting issues you wish to stand firm on and which you are willing to compromise on. Make sure money has been discussed.

[Wdigin2this]

Loads of stuff but most importantly, are you on the same page re: parenting styles. Assuming you both have DC from previous relationships, can you commit to being totally equal in how you see/treat each other's DC, can you agree on house rules and cosequences where they are broken, which apply to all children in the house...including any new children? Can you put up with EW interference...can he put up with you being p**d off if he finds it difficult to refuse her anything in case she stops the DC visiting? If you genuinely are not keen on his DC, can you Fake It Until You Make It All of these things matter, and if they go wrong, the partnership could collapse, so I'd probably tell, my (much) younger self...whoa take it slower, until you are absolutely sure it can work for.....EVERYONE !

[Tearsoffrustration]

My DS is 5 & he doesn't have any children - so I suppose it's hard to know what his parenting style is - I had a lot of rose tinted ideas about what I'd be like as a parent before I had DS!