Birthday Cards

[NoodlesAreYum]

Would really appreciate some experiences as I'm not sure I'm thinking straight on this. What do you all do with signing birthday cards? The situation is this: my dp has 3 dc and I have 2 dc. For his two dses, my dp bought 'Happy Birthday Son' cards and my name was signed in them too. I bought a separate card from my 2 dds for them. Now it is his dd's birthday but he doesn't think my name should be in the daughter card. I feel upset about this as I don't understand why it is different for his sons compared to his daughter. He can't explain why and I am terrible at discussing things without getting upset. I feel like he worries more about his dd with these kind of things than with his dses. I think we should be consistent.

[MeridianB]

How strange. I agree that consistency is best and this is not an unreasonable thing to expect, as he started the precedent.

I think he needs to really try to explain why he doesn't want the same this time. Did perhaps one of his sons say something last time? Is he over-worrying?

[NoodlesAreYum]

Thanks so much for replying.

They do have the same mum. The difference is probably that his dd won't be with us on her birthday. So yes, her mum will probably see it and it could upset her. I suppose it would all feel ok if my dp would explain that properly to me. We often fall out over small things like this and he always has a reasonable explanation in the end - he just takes his time telling me and, in the meantime, it makes me feel as though I am being unreasonable in bringing it up. Wish I could just stop caring about this kind of thing. I know it will get easier in time but I'm just struggling at the moment.

[hoobygalooby]

I don't like DP signing Son cards for my DC and I don't sign his either.
It doesn't cost much to buy a separate card from you and your DC and kids like receiving loads of cards anyway so the more the better.

[NoodlesAreYum]

Why don't you like it Hooby?

[Chloecoconut]

This year was the first birthday that we have had this dilemma - I bought a funny card that didn't have son/daughter on it and it was signed from mummy and x - this for me is right as we keep telling the kids that we are a 'team' (all 5 of us) so to then send separate cards would send the wrong message

[EatSleepRepeat]

My DH has always signed from the both of us, I've never asked him but he had always done it. The cards never get taken home though, as he always sees them on their birthday and they just get left behind

[yellowdaisies]

I'd suggest he gets a card that doesn't say "daughter" on the front, but writes his own message inside saying what a lovely daughter she is, and you write a separate little message so the daughter bit is clearly just from him. He might be feeling unsure how a joint daughter card would go down with his ex, or possibly feels that his DD is more likely to read significance into who signs a card than his DSs were.

[NoodlesAreYum]

Thank you so much for all your replies. I think this year is different because his dd is away on hols and he won't see her for two weeks...over which her birthday falls. We've talked about it and he says it's different because he knows how much a special card from him will mean to her. The boys aren't bothered about words but he is rubbish with words so buys a card to reflect what he would like to express. Also, she is turning 16yrs so she is older than the boys. I think I'm actually fine with it now - I really enjoyed writing her card with my girls in it and I had a really nice cuddle with her before she left today. She knows we're a team...I think I must have an insecurity lurking somewhere. A card from both of us doesn't really mean very much. Thanks so much for all your advice...everyone's points of view are different and equally valid...even my dp's