Annoyed with dp

(50 Posts)
Neverenuff Thu 13-Aug-15 07:42:02

DP plays football on a Thursday night (only recently this has started) we have his kids every 2nd Thursday.

Me and the kids haven't always got along and at the minute I'm finding them both really cheeky.

DP and I have had numerous chats about me watching the kids on my own and I personally dont like it or want to. as anything I say always goes back to mum and she starts a row with dp. Even for the slightest thing.

So this week dp has told me he is in a bit of a huff with me because I won't watch his kids and he will have to miss his football.

If I had a better relationship with them I wouldn't mind but it's really strajned just now and I justdont want to do it.

I'm annoyed at DP because he knows how I feel and it's like it doesn't matter.

Chasingsquirrels Thu 13-Aug-15 08:06:44

I'd be annoyed to. What are you arrangements the rest of the week, can't he play another night? (or not play!).

Neverenuff Thu 13-Aug-15 08:18:14

It's only on a Thursday. So only option is to not play. I don't know why he can't just go every other week when kids ain't here .

I hate being the bad guy.

Glitteryarse Thu 13-Aug-15 08:20:24

Tell him to chuff off its the day he has his kids! There are plenty of footie teams on different days.

Arse wipe

BettyCatKitten Thu 13-Aug-15 08:36:57

What is the point of him arranging to have his dc's when he's not going to be there?
He either needs to arrange to another day or knock the football on the head.

QuiteLikely5 Thu 13-Aug-15 08:39:38

Ask him to change the days over if football is a must.

You are quite right in putting your foot down. His kids his responsibility. Not your problem.

Be polite and civil to them. That's all.

You will get no thanks for any extras given in way of your time or effort.

Neverenuff Thu 13-Aug-15 09:11:43

Well this is my thoughts. But he claims of it was other way round he would bend over backwards for me. Although I'd love to see that if I had kids and my ex was awkamward as anything just for fun. He'd be 1st to run.

catsmother Thu 13-Aug-15 09:26:21

'he claims of it was other way round he would bend over backwards for me'

Which suggests he wants you to 'do him a favour'.

And I just don't get that in the circumstances - which are that Thursday is one of the times he gets to see his kids - in theory. So why would you arrange to be out ? What message does that send the kids apart from anything else ?

If football is so important why doesn't he try negotiating a different night to see them ?

And if that isn't possible he'll have to make a straight choice won't he - football or children. He clearly isn't that bothered about seeing them so is this more about doing a 'favour' for his ex .... not that it should necessarily be seen as such, what I mean is, she expects a Thursday off EOW and he doesn't want to rock the boat by changing that. But that is HIS problem, not yours.

JeSuisMois Thu 13-Aug-15 09:29:10

He's being very selfish. Do you think there's a chance he'll go to football whether you agree to look after the kids or not?

PeppaWellington Thu 13-Aug-15 09:40:41

Why does he prefer football to spending time with his children?

Without meaning to be rude, why on earth are they visiting their dad when their dad isn't there?!

fedupbutfine Thu 13-Aug-15 10:03:26

He clearly isn't that bothered about seeing them so is this more about doing a 'favour' for his ex .... not that it should necessarily be seen as such, what I mean is, she expects a Thursday off EOW and he doesn't want to rock the boat by changing that

what? the OP has said nothing at all about the ex and her 'expectations'.

Are you seriously suggesting that a parent who has the children the majority of the time shouldn't expect the other parent to take care of the children once in a while? Or are we supposed to bow down and recognise just how important it is that the ex goes to football?

Morganly Thu 13-Aug-15 10:19:03

He's wrong, you're right. They come to spend time with their Dad and he thinks it's OK to bugger off and do his hobby. He's not being fair to them or you. He has no right to get in a huff but you and the children do.

lunar1 Thu 13-Aug-15 11:05:34

You are not being the bad guy, he is being a fuckwit. He's making you feel like the bad guy because he's manipulative. If you are having difficulty with your step children right now he should be finding ways to help improve things not make them worse.

sammasati Thu 13-Aug-15 11:07:58

He is acting like an entitled arse, why should you be expected to look after his dc?

I am a step mum, and quite happy to look after my step ds (I have 2 dc of my own), but that is because I choose to and have a good relationship with his mum.

I would not be putting myself in the line of fire if my relationship with dss mum was strained.

Neverenuff Thu 13-Aug-15 12:25:07

It's not that he is choosing football over them. He has kids 50/50. Spends lots of time with the kids. He just assumes that I would watch them which is the frustrating part.

LaurieFairyCake Thu 13-Aug-15 12:43:33

Don't have children with him - he only wants to see his children twice a month hmm

This should be treated like a giant wake up call for you

There's no way you can't do better than him

LaurieFairyCake Thu 13-Aug-15 12:44:17

X posted grin

You possibly should have mentioned that in your OP

CocaKoala Thu 13-Aug-15 12:47:43

If he knows you have a difficult time with them and he's been having them every second Thursday why on earth has he chosen to take up football on that day?

I'm guessing that if the football is on a Thursday then it's training? How old are his children? Is there the option that they could go along with him and watch him train? Although they may find it boring.

Is there a relative who could watch them while he's at football?

Neverenuff Thu 13-Aug-15 12:49:34

Where did I say twice a month? It's 50/50 care. So one week 3 nights4 nights next week. So every 2nd Thursday he has kids.

fuzzywuzzy Thu 13-Aug-15 12:49:46

I vote you join a club, have nights out specifically on Thursday's.

His kids, his responsibility.

And it is very easy to say, if it were you I'd do it. You can tell him the same for any scenario that will never be a reality. Words are cheap.

If he needs a child-minder he needs to pay for one.

startagainonmonday Thu 13-Aug-15 12:55:25

Am also picking up on 'he claims if it was other way round he would bend over backwards for me'.

So he'd bend over backwards for you, yet gets a huff at the thought of doing the right thing by you let alone a favour?

Can you give us an example of a situation where he has actually bent over backwards for you? If not then he's full of hot air. When my DH has to go out for more than an hour or so whilst he had his kids then he automatically arranges a babysitter, that's without me even asking.

ImperialBlether Thu 13-Aug-15 12:58:01

There are other football clubs. He could also try talking to his ex and coming to some arrangement.

I wouldn't want to mind them either, OP, given the circumstances.

Petal02 Thu 13-Aug-15 13:03:53

Without meaning to be rude, why on earth are they visiting their dad when their dad isn’t there?!

I’ve asked this question many times, and have generally been shot down in flames.

I’ve never seen the point of access taking place ‘in absentia’ – although it depends on your definition of access. I always thought that access was about the NRP spending time with their child. Although with DH’s ex, her definition seemed to be ‘removing the child from my house for ‘x’ hours per week’ – so providing DH collected his son from the ex's house as per the rota, everyone (except me) seemed satisfied that access was taking place, even if DH and DSS weren’t spending time together.

DH genuinely thought that if DSS was ‘under his roof’ for the specified amount of hours per week, then the ‘access’ box was ticked. Very, very frustrating.

Neverenuff Thu 13-Aug-15 13:13:44

It's football with guys from work. Its the only day they can mostly do. It's just me having a moan. It a one night a week. And its not til 9pm so kids will be going to be soon after. butits the principle. Glad it's not just me thinking dp is a bit unreasonable.

K888 Thu 13-Aug-15 13:15:12

I completely understand, especially about feeling like the 'bad guy'. My OH constantly made me feel that if I said no to minding his kids I was being horrible. Sometimes it just doesn't work! And you are completely okay to say no. I have my own son and my OH would say he would mind him anytime - which he used to use against me - but you know what I never just dumped him on my OH, it's not fair on either person.

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