Is the Exw lying or is it something else??

(7 Posts)
movingonup2015 Wed 10-Jun-15 12:46:26

Can't really make head nor tail of this so looking for some form of insight!

Ok so my partner has his son a few nights a week - son absolutely idolises him, cant wait to be with him etc, partner owns his own farm so is working there most of the time, has lambs, sheep, ducks, chickens, all kinds of tractors and his DS is in his absolute element when hes with him.

Recently the exw contacted him and said you have to stop taking him to the farm when you have him because he's told me he doesn't like it anymore and he's really bored and wishes you would take him to a park or something different..

This took my partner by surprise as his son (8) has never expressed any dislike at being on the farm when he's with him and often gets disappointed if my partner rings him and hes out feeding lambs etc and his son can't be there too.

So last night my partner confronted DS when they were on their own and asked if the things they did together were boring - immediately his son looked shocked and said no way dad I LOVE being on the farm with you!! its grandma that keeps saying why don't you do something else aren't you bored of doing that by now, not me dad honest!!

sooo obviously partner confronted the exw and she insisted their son had said these things - son still insisted he didn't....

she is the type of person that has ulterior motives for everything - shes a very very manipulative person and tries her best to get her own way.. but at the moment we are struggling to see what benefit this has to her by saying stop doing something with their son that he quite clearly loves??

OR is this perhaps his DS way of trying to play them off against each other? do kids that age do that??

Obviously his DS welfare is the upmost concern, and if he is really unhappy but doesn't want to tell his dad for fear of upsetting him then something obviously needs to change but if DS keeps insisting he loves it then what do you do?? has anyone had experience of this before?

3CheekyLittleMonkeys Wed 10-Jun-15 13:20:35

If he's happy then listen to him rather than the ex. Carry on what you're doing.

CandyLane Wed 10-Jun-15 13:47:05

I think children at that age are very good at telling adults what they want to hear. I don't think they mean to do it, probably don't even realise they're doing it but if your DSS has picked up on his mum and his grandma saying "are you not bored of going to the farm?" He's maybe just agreed at some point as he knows that's what they want to hear. Depending on what reaction he gets from them it may prompt him to say it again.

My DS does it with me and my DSC do it with us all too.

DSC often have a fantastic time here but then go home telling their mum it was rubbish and CandyLane is a bitch etc.

You just learn to take everything that's said with a pinch of salt.

19lottie82 Wed 10-Jun-15 13:54:48

I agree with 3CLM..... just carry on as normal.

yellowdaisies Wed 10-Jun-15 20:02:59

I'd carry on as normal and brush any comments from the ex off as briefly as possible. I wouldn't directly accuse her of lying or imply that DSS was lying when he said that (if he did), but just suggest that it must have been some little thing that triggered it and that he has it all in hand.

Even if DSS was saying he got a bit bored on the farm sometimes, it's not really for his mother to be intervening. It's up to your partner what he does with his DS when he's with him. If he's a farmer, then DSS is going to be spending time on the farm, like it or not really. But if he seems like he's having fun, he probably is. Maybe his grandma is stirring.

PeruvianFoodLover Wed 10-Jun-15 23:01:27

sooo obviously partner confronted the exw and she insisted their son had said these things - son still insisted he didn't....

I'm not sure it is obvious, really. If your DP is confident in his parenting, then what his ex does, or doesn't say, is far less important than your DPs own relationship with his DS.

DP's ex said that their DS is bored when at the farm.
Your DP asks his DS whether he is bored.
DS says no.

There you go, job done. No need to dig deeper, and try to find out who, if anyone, is telling the truth or lying. If nothing else, involving their DS in their "he said, she said" argument could be incredibly damaging.

Your DP needs to have faith in his own parenting and not allow his ex's comments to create doubt.

lostdad Thu 11-Jun-15 09:59:53

Ignore her.

My son is the same age and he does the same sort of thing. Likely he is trying to keep both his mum and dad happy. The thing to do is not put him in that situation at all.

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