How would you feel?

[chaos1234]

So last night my 16 yo step daughter wants to email dad some photos of what he told me was photos of her work experience which is great , I check our emails this morning and find the photos are of her mum WTF and it's not the first time it's happened , I know kids want the whole mummy and daddy thing to work but unfortunately her mum is a nasty spiteful cow , nothing in our life is kept private from there mum , his daughter takes photos of him our house and belongings and sends them to her , the older she gets the worse it gets , I really feel like she is actively trying to get them back together and she should be respecting our privacy and relationship more , it's upsetting to feel like that , I'm starting to get defensive about our privacy and she is sucking the nice right out of me , I'm really not liking her much anymore because of it all . If my kids were sending photos of there father to me I would politley let them know that it's not really acceptable and how it would make my partner feel , unfortunately I can't see my partner saying this to her as he might upset her . It's really making me feel like crap , should I suck it up or let my feelings be known to him ( which will cause an argument )

[Coyoacan]

Sorry OP. Not had a step-child I don't want to come across as unsympathetic, but having survived my own dd's adolescence by the skin of my teeth, I would say that is the least of your worries with a teenage girl.

[chaos1234]

I'm fully aware of what teenagers are like , I'm currently have 4 teenage boys on my hands and none of them pull that sort of crap lol . It's the intrusion to my privacy and relationship that I'm concerned about

[lunar1]

I can't see what is wrong with emailing photos of her mum! Do Step children need to build the Great Wall of China between two separate lives? It's completely normal for children of separated parents to want them back together, it's sad for the child but doesn't mean it will happen.

[Reginafalangie]

Your DH needs to speak to his DD. If she is not being respectful of your relationship then neither his he by allowing her to do it.

[MythicalKings]

It's a DH problem, really. He needs to step up.

[Eustasiavye]

I think your dh should speak to her in a kind of semi mocking way ( I don't know if that's the right word), as in dd, are you seriously sending your mother those pictures again? Dont you think your mother has better things in her life than to care about her ex husband, surely she isn't that sad.

This may embarrass hid dd into growing up and stopping being such a spiteful so and so.

When she takes pictures of your belongings say oh hang on , then go to the object pick it up or stand next to it, then striking your best pose say now retake the picture.

I know others may disagree but I think at that age the best policy is to try and make her feel that she is being a complete prat, or join in ( as in the posing) , then she may no longer find it so appealing if she thinks you are wanting her to do it.

I agree it would get on my nerves.

On a much smaller scale my partners dd asks her dad to do diy and give her mum lifts. He refuses the diy although does do some of the lifts.

Often this results in both of us having to drive separately to the same place, grrrrr.

[PeruvianFoodLover]

If my Teen DD was misusing her technology (by sending her dad pictures of belongings my home, for instance) after being asked not to, I'd confiscate the technology until she was responsible enough to have it.

It sounds like the issue is your DP, tbh - he doesn't need to tell you that his DD is sending photos of his ex to him (protect yourself and stop checking his email), and he needs to put some boundaries in place regarding his DDs respect of you and your home.

I can't see my partner saying this to her as he might upset her

All too may dads seem to absolve themselves of their parenting responsibilities, leaving the RP to teach the DCs the life skills they'll need as adults. It's his job to upset his DD occasionally - that's part of parenting.

[PeruvianFoodLover]

On a much smaller scale my partners dd asks her dad to do diy and give her mum lifts. He refuses the diy although does do some of the lifts.

Often this results in both of us having to drive separately to the same place, grrrrr.

Wow. That's either incredibly cooperative, or incredibly manipulative, I'm not sure which!

I'd suggest that next time, you offer to give your DPs ex a lift, with your DP driving separately. That would soon prove whether she genuinely needs the transport, or whether it is just a ruse to spend time with her ex.

[yellowdaisies]

I can see that's anoy about annoying. And either DSD or your DP has been lying to you about what the photos were of, so I'd feel hurt by that. I'd wonder whether the purpose was to wind you up?

But I think the best thing might be to ignore it and act baffled by the whole thing. I'd be more bothered if she's taking photos of things that are really private to you. So may be worth picking your battles over things that are about your privacy, vs the photos she's sent which are more a breach of her mother's privacy.

Any chance your DP could lightheartedly mock her about them, rather than telling her off as such? (Eg "work experience with your DM was it?" Or Lovely photos thanks. Shall I get them framed and put above our bed? Do you think chaos would like her own copy maybe? " )