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Step-parenting

Fed up of buying new clothes!

43 replies

Charlie52 · 02/05/2015 18:37

I'm so fed up of us having to buy DSS new clothes. DP picks up DSS every Friday at 5pm. The majority of the time DSS is in his school uniform which means on a Sunday we're sending him back in clothes we never see again. Once again we're down to our last pair of trousers and since DSS is only 5 and still sometimes has accidents in the day, we need to buy more. This is a regular occurrence and I'm sick of it! We're not skint so can afford it but that's completely beside the point. It's not just trousers either. She's "lost" 3 coats in his current size, all of which we've bought. Thankfully I found a cheapy one in the sale as I refuse to pay full price for a coat we'll never see again and he'll have stopped wearing soon as the weather warms up - and of course he'll have outgrown by next year. We're also having to buy tops and jumpers constantly. Shoes we just send him back in his school shoes - unless we know he needs new ones in which case we'll buy them and pack his school shoes in his bag. I'm so frustrated but I know that it's DSS that will suffer if we don't keep buying new clothes. Anyone else have experience of this? How did you deal with it?

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Charlie52 · 02/05/2015 18:37

Sorry that should say every other Friday

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Akire · 02/05/2015 18:39

Buy him basics for weekend then he goes home in whatever clothes he arrived in. If his mum dosnt send him with any yet keeps all the ones you send that's just biazzare!

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Charlie52 · 02/05/2015 18:48

Akire but he comes in his school uniform which we're expected to wash and send back in his bag.

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Charlie52 · 02/05/2015 18:49

and very rarely does he have a jumper / coat even when it's really cold. It'd be cruel to send him back shivering!

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Akire · 02/05/2015 18:50

Wash it then put it on for the journey home. Or else you send him back home in one weekend outfit and ask for it to be washed ironed the same as you do with his. Got to work both ways.

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pigwitch · 02/05/2015 18:54

Why can't you just communicate with his mum? Tell her that she needs to send him with his belongings for the weekend. It's ridiculous that you have to buy new all the time.

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Charlie52 · 02/05/2015 19:02

Unfortunately communicating with her doesn't work. She just claims she's lost them or didn't have time - she has 2 hrs from school pick up to DP picking him and she only lives 5 mins from school.

I've said to DP maybe we should just stop sending his uniform back, she'd soon be complaining! As tempting as it is though we wouldn't do that as it'd be unfair on DSS. Also seems unfair on him to have to wear his uniform on a Sunday, especially as our car is in the garage atm so relying on public transport. Think that's our only option though really as its getting ridiculous. He must have so many clothes at his mums!

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lunar1 · 02/05/2015 19:05

Could he stay till Monday and your dh drop him at school, then he can have a set of things at yours.

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Themrmen · 02/05/2015 19:05

This happened with us, ex refused to pack any clothes at all so we bought a wardrobe for here, she never returned the clothes we sent him back in and it cost a fortune and we can't afford a new wardrobe the whole time, she used to sent him in ridiculous things eg one time a onsie, no underwear or shoes. We've asked repeatedly and get no where, so we've ended up getting old clothes off a cousin and sending him home in those as we know we won't see them and more apporiate than a onsie. Just makes life a little bit harder

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fedupbutfine · 02/05/2015 19:07

I have the opposite situation in that my children are picked up by dad on a Saturday and he returns them to school on Monday. He refused to return clothes and it got silly - I was literally buying new outfits on a fortnightly basis. So I started sending them in school uniform. He doesn't like it but I had no choice. So just send him back in his uniform. Job done.

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Akire · 02/05/2015 19:09

In that case he wears school uniform home on bus with possible a new jumper/coat then when you arrive at doorstep take off pack in bag and say I take these back for next time! She sounds a right bitch!

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ragged · 02/05/2015 19:13

Charity shops & jumble sales may be your friends.

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SpiritOfTheRitz · 02/05/2015 19:14

Presumably your DH picks him up from home, not school, if it is at 5pm.

Can't DH tell DS to run upstairs and put on some different clothes before they go? Just keep repeating that he can't take him in his school uniform as he'll have nothing to wear all weekend.

Then at least he can go home in what he arrives in.

Otherwise if this carries on you'll have to just send him home in school uniform with a coat/jumper over the top, but take the coat off on the doorstep and take it back home with you.

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Charlie52 · 02/05/2015 19:19

fedup do DC's not mind wearing uniform on a Saturday?

lunar not really because of our working hours (ex doesn't work so easier for her to do school drop offs) and also we live a 40 min drive away so would be an early start for DSS. Even earlier on public transport as takes about 90 mins.

It's so frustrating as we just want what's best for DSS. If we don't constantly buy coats and jumpers he'll be wearing short sleeved t-shirts and thin oversized trackie bottoms (from his cousin) in the cold & rain. I really don't understand what she does with all our clothes!

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Charlie52 · 02/05/2015 19:21

Cross-post. spirit she walks into the town centre to drop him off, only a 5-10 min walk but means he can't just tell DSS to get changed.

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fedupbutfine · 02/05/2015 19:27

yes, of course I mind my children wearing their uniform on a Saturday but what choice do I have? I can't go out and buy new outfits for 3 children on a fortnightly basis, can I? It's not sustainable.

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ZenNudist · 02/05/2015 19:31

Poor child. I really feel for him if you have to start sending him back In school uniform.

You don't say how old he iS. I think talk to him and say you'll be sending him back in school uniform and taking his coat back with you. Ask him to get his mum to pack a change of clothes so he doesn't have to do this. Actually say to her. It's not fair on child but we can't keep sending him with clothes that you "lose"

Then if won't cop on then make a real fuss of choosing a nice weekend wardrobe so that he has things to keep at yours. Perhaps tops with characters he loves. My ds is 4 but loves getting new clothes so hopefully your dss is similar. Perhaps some trainers that flash (if age appropriate ?)

Is it wrong to tell dss we want you to have nice things for when you're here and we can't do that if you don't get to bring them back from your mums.

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Charlie52 · 02/05/2015 19:32

I totally agree. It's ridiculous! Even just for one it's getting expensive!

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ragged · 02/05/2015 19:32

What happens in non school weeks, do you just pick the lad up in town still, never at his home? Where is the drop off, again is it always in a town centre & never his home?

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Charlie52 · 02/05/2015 19:35

Zen DSS is 5. Ex doesn't care, DP has spoken to her several times. I think sending him back in uniform is our only option but it's really not fair on him. DP has said to her before if she's struggling he'll up maintenance / specifically provide clothes but she just says she doesn't need or want his help. We're buying far more clothes now than if we just bought a bag, gave them to her and she packed him a bag to come to us with!

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Charlie52 · 02/05/2015 19:36

ragged in non school weeks drop off is her home but pick up is always town centre - her choice. In non school weeks obviously he wears normal clothes but they're always oversized, tatty clothes from his older cousin. And unless it's boiling hot he's always underdressed for the weather :(

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DanaBarrett · 02/05/2015 19:37

I would send him back in what he arrived in, not your problem if he doesn't have extra uniform for school, seriously.

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TendonQueen · 02/05/2015 19:39

Wash the uniform he arrives in and put him back in it just before you take him home on a Sunday. Take the coat back at handover - if needsbe, your DH will have to walk back home with them to avoid his son getting cold and then get the coat back at the doorstep. Could you just get someone to give you a lift back to her door, alternatively?

Is there a dispute between her and your DH over maintenance? She could just be playing silly beggars, of course.

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ragged · 02/05/2015 19:40

This is just so weird because school age kids don't hardly need any clothes besides what they wear at school. Mine could get by with 3 outfits + uniform + PJs. What in world is she doing with it all? What quality do you buy, not worth reselling on Ebay, is it?

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Charlie52 · 02/05/2015 19:43

tendon only pick up is in town centre. Drop off is at her house so thankfully DSS can literally be walled to the door and in the warm as soon as he takes his coat off.

ragged that's what I dont understand! Even when he's here for two weeks we need three pairs of trousers max. We normally buy primark or matalan, so they're only cheap. Can't imagine they'd be worth much on eBay when the most we've paid for trousers are only £12 brand new.

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