Fears with step-daughter

[JM234]

Hello,
Last night my DP got a phone call from his ex wife blaming him on their daughter's behavior...we took her out for the day I had planned on her mum's week (we have her every other week) and dropped her off in the evening. She then wouldn't do as she was told, and apparently lost control and screamed the house down and woke up a lot of people on the street, and then left the house in the night. She is 11 years old. During the phone call the BM had a go at my DP and was bullying him, obviously my DP doesn't rise to it as he wants to keep the peace which is really wearing thin. My SD's behavior is scary and the situation at her mums house is very unstable. I have a three year old son and I am 24 years old. I don't think I can help this situation. When my SD was angry at her BM last night she tried to hit her and threw things at her, her BM was close to calling the police. My SDs sister has been arrested around 5 times and has been kicked out of school and I can see my SD is have the same path put in front of her. I just feel like this is way out of my hands. I wish my DP would take her full time and help her, seriously. But I want to go, how can I sit and watch this happening? She behaves the same in our home and I am trying to raise my 3 year old son. I have been unhappy in our relationship, my DP has done so much for me in my life but I am constantly reaching to conclusions that I should leave. Mine and my DP's history is a complicated one and he has treated me very badly before...I don't know what to do. I feel caught between loving my partner and wanting to support him, whilst struggling with the way he's been treating me and being scared of his DD's behavior. I wish I was stronger.

[GlitterTwinkleToes]

How long have you been with your partner?
Your son needs to come first. You need to back away and get out now! How healthy is it for him and you being in this awful situation - and at that age he will be copying what he sees.
I hope you have support in RL to escape this. You are 24 (1 year older than me) and you need to go. This is a dysfunctional relationship and you deserve so much more.

[JM234]

We have been together for 5.5 years. The fact is - he was aggressive with me for a long time and didn't change. Then we thought we could move on and I have become aggressive!!! Not anything like he was but I am so angry with him because of this...and I hate it, I hate myself for it it's so messed up. I dream of having a happy family, this so messed up! :(

[JM234]

I just started to push him but this is NOT ME! I just feel very betrayed. I should have left a long time ago.

[CheshireCait]

If you're not happy in your relationship and there's aggression and bad treatment, you need to leave. His daughter is irrelevant.

[GlitterTwinkleToes]

It sounds like you know what to do then. Its gonna be fricking hard, no lies about that but it would be worth it for you and your son to be happy and in a safe environment.

[Quitelikely]

You are clearly unhappy but unless you do something to change your situation it will remain exactly the same or get worse.

I feel concerned about your son seeing you so unhappy and witnessing his fathers aggression.

Please don't subject yourself or your son to this life. It's no life.

Youre a long time dead.

[sanfairyanne]

you were very young when you got together so perhaps it feels harder to leave? do you have friends or family in real life you can confide in?

[JM234]

The aggression has stopped from my DP now, it took a long time though. I always feel like I am going to be alone for the rest of my life because I have no confidence!! And he has worked on his aggression but I still feel angry with him!! How could he do that to me!?! And on top of that his DD is being very stressful. I am 24 and she is 11, she was 6 when we met and I just don't know what to do. I feel like a bad stepmother because I can't support her! I am too occupied with bringing up my son and under the stresses that my DP created with his aggression. I love him but I don't love this situation, I dread it when his daughter comes round and I hide in my room. I feel like such a bad person but actually it would be a lot easier to bring her up too if my DP had actually supported me. My DP wants to move on and work together, in my heart I love him but I don't see how I can change this? How can I cure all of those feelings of distrust and betrayal? How can I now deal with his aggressive daughter when I'm trying to bring up my son. I wish there was a better option than me leaving but it seems like I am never going to be happy here.

[JM234]

I really don't want my son to experience anymore of this behaviour :(