Boasting!

[ModestyMostly]

I'm not sure if I'm BU about this or if anyone can relate.

Basically my BF never stops boasting about how great his DC is (he only has one). They are so talented, so clever, so well behaved, you'd think they were the perfect child from BF's description. He doesn't just tell me about his child's achievements, he will drone on until he senses I have switched off.

Now I do like his child, so that isn't the issue. It's possibly that he's been slightly critical of my DCs in the past (not in front of them though) and so I rightly or wrongly, take his boasting as a stealth criticism and comparison of my DC. It's also possible that I think he's slightly blinkered.

I get that he's proud, and I want to be pleased as much as him. Am I really awful for not sharing in his pride and joy? To give a bigger picture, I'm actually not a fan of this trait in anyone and find it equally annoying when friends and acquaintances harp on about their special little snowflakes. Perhaps it's just a clash of parenting styles as whilst I'm inwardly proud of my own DC's achievements, and let them know frequently, I'm not naive enough to think anyone gives a shit but me and possibly their extended family.

I'm trying to work out why this annoys me as much as it does and hopefully change so I can be supportive. Has anyone got any advice?

[Sonny1]

It might be a little bit of resentment that he doesn't also harp on about your DC the way he does his own, but I think anyone who bangs on about how amazing their child, sister, mum, dad, dog, chair, wall, brick is, is clearly trying to compensate for something.

I would find this incredibly irritating no matter what the subject was. Any topic becomes tiresome after a certain period.

[catsmother]

Ha ... I could have written a very similar post to yours Modesty. I love my kids to bits and there is stuff about each of them which I am particularly proud of (don't want to be too specific for fear of outing but for example my oldest, without prompting, has put themselves out for others on a voluntary basis for many years) but I don't bang on about it - unless other people specifically ask - because I appreciate very few others would find them as fascinating/praiseworthy as I do.

Like you, I get very irritated - generally - by people who make a huge song and dance about their kids, very publicly, on a regular basis. And, as Sonny says, I do think there's often an element of compensation going on where people feel the need to press their opinions on the rest of the world with such great fervour.

On a step basis .... my DP is also very guilty of going over the top (IMO) and I can't help but feel he does so in an effort to 'big up' his older kids who, quite frankly, have a number of rather unattractive traits which he finds hard to acknowledge (or discipline ). Consequently, he will drone on and on about relatively minor examples of 'good' behaviour which really don't merit more than a casual remark as if they've just done something gobsmackingly fantastic. Yes - most parents do try to increase their kids' self confidence by offering praise, I get that .... but this is different, almost as if he has something to 'prove' and it bugs the hell out of me when it feels as if he's niggling away, trying to get me to agree that yes, his kids are wonderful. Particularly when he does this after I have praised one of my kids (one of whom is also his) - I just think, FFS, can't you let them have a moment of glory for making genuine effort, going the extra mile, showing real consideration or kindness etc., without somehow bringing your older kids into the equation too ? For example, if our youngest has got a good report for history, it's 'well done, your sister's good at history too you must get it from her' (I don't see bloody how) - or similar. It's just not fair, often not true and completely takes the shine off the moment. When his older kids have done something which merits praise I never try to dull it down.

In all honesty I often feel like saying 'who are you trying to convince here?' .....

[ThisFenceIsComfy]

Does he just boast to you? Because you are family and boasting to family is not really boasting. I drone on about how lovely my DS is to my family. They all love him too so they don't mind. I also do say when he's being less than lovely though so I suppose it balances.

[Joyfulldeathsquad]

My friend does this with her son and it makes me want to karate chop her in the throat.

Maybe start snoring when he starts ??

[sanityseeker75]

Out of general interest, is his DC a girl? Only asking because DH definitely thought that the sun shines out DSD's bum and would typically pull both his own DS and my DS up on stuff and when I would witness DSD doing similar things and point this out to him he didn't hear her or see her(completely blind to things not just saying it).

If I am honest I probably gave the lads an easier time of it than DSD - maybe was a classic case in our house of mommy's boys and daddy's girls.

It has got better as my DS and DSD have become teens as he sees the grief DSD causes her mom and her general poor attendance at school etc but is generally self sufficient at ours to how helpful DS can be around the house and how we have no attendance worries etc but need to be organised constantly. I think it is more of an even balance now as he can see that they each have different personalities that make us hem love and despair of them equally but in different ways.

[HormonalHeap]

I agree with ThisFencelsComfy in that when a parent willingly vocalises when their kids have been a PITA, I'm happy to hear the good bits too and take pleasure in them.

But my dh's children can do no wrong, and even when it's there, glaringly obvious, dh will minimise it or even lie to hide it. I will though happily tell him that my dd is being a complete cow when she is. Why do they have to be so defensive?!

[Sonny1]

Yeah my OH goes much easier on his girls than his boy. Sometimes to the point where I can't keep my mouth shut and pull him on it. I'm all for being strict (Lock 'em in the cupboard under the stairs :P) but you have to be fair with it. But then on the other hand, It drives me nuts too that the girls have to help clean up after dinner but the boy gets away with not doing it much more frequently. Maybe that is just becasue he's older but it doesn;t help my suspicions that he's bone idle.
I think behaviourally he is harder on DSS but for chores etc he's harder on the DSDs.

[yellowdaisies]

I think he's probably just forgetting that you aren't your DSC's mum and you're not going to feel the same sense of pride in their achievements as he does. Does your DSC have a doting grandparent he might be persuaded to call and share his pride with?