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Step-parenting

dss mum

9 replies

MrsWOLF1 · 01/03/2015 15:59

Hi my dss is 15 and lives with his mum and step dad it is a chaotic house numerous animals and mess everywhere My dh pays £450 per month in maintenance however since Christmas we have also bought new bedroom furniture a winter coat football boots and several items of clothing .Today she handed us his school shoes ( which we had bought )in September and said he needs new ones ..excuse for not buying them was she doesn't have time !! ..neither of them work .Dss has been buying his own food from the £50 allowance we give him each month because if he fancies a MacDonald s etc they won.t pay for it ..he is fed up of them arguing mainly over money and has been told that there income is £1500 per month but bare minimum they spend is £1800 Dh doesn't / won't say anything to her and I just feel so desperately sorry for dss .Is there anything we can do ?

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Finola1step · 01/03/2015 16:02

Can he move in with you and his Dad?

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MrsWOLF1 · 01/03/2015 16:32

We have suggested this and were met with a torrent of abuse from dss mum . Dss has said that she won't let him come to us because she would lose money.

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Finola1step · 01/03/2015 16:48

When will he be 16?

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gallicgirl · 01/03/2015 16:50

Does mum have a residency order?

If not, and the stepson really does want to move in with you, then your DP might have to explore options through mediation.

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GreyjoysAnatomy · 01/03/2015 16:53

She doesn't really have a choice if he wants to, he is old enough to choose where he wants to live. Of course, he will not want to upset his mum so will probably keep her happy while being unhappy himself, poor lamb.

In terms of what you can do, I'm afraid I'm not sure, but you sound a lovely and caring step mum

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fedupbutfine · 01/03/2015 17:30

you don't think it acceptable a parent demands a child with their 'own' money pays for their own McDonalds when they fancy it?

or are you saying that the child isn't being fed at all in his mother's house unless he pays for it?

regardless, if he wants to move in with you, there is very little his mother could do about it at the age of 15.

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FlossyMoo · 01/03/2015 18:06

I would explore the him living with you further. Unless their is a residency order than his father has as much parental rights as the mother. Meaning if DSS wants to live with you he can also given his age if she went to court/involved ss they would actually ask DSS what he wanted and where he wanted to live.

If he is unhappy and by the sounds of it he has plenty of reasons to be then his father needs to step up and do all he can to help his son.

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CalicoBlue · 01/03/2015 18:20

All you can really do is be there for DSS and give him help and support. If your DH is not going to say anything then I expect he is not going to have a fight about DSS moving in with you either.

I am sure that as soon as he is 19 and ex will not get money for him then you may find she is quite happy for him to move in with you.

You could play the long game, not say anything about the money and just have DSS staying with you more and more, till before she has really noticed he is practically living with you. Then have the money discussion. But that would take a year or more.

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MrsWOLF1 · 01/03/2015 20:42

Thank you all for your comments my dss is here now and refusing to go home. My dh has spoken to his ex and said we will drive him back in the morning and has finally realized that this situation cannot continue .Dss will be 16 in December and would happily live with us so I think some serious talking is going to have to happen .I understand that for all her actions she is his mum and that dss feels torn .. he mainly talks to me 're stuff