Struggling step-mom in need of advise

[motherof8]

I am a mother of 8, 5 (16, 14, 13, 8 and 6 year old)of the children are my kids from my previous marriage and the other 3 (17, 16 and 14 year old) are my husband's from his previous marriage. My husband and I have been together for 4 years now and married 2 of those years, and 4 of the children live with us full time (his 3 and 1 of mine) and I am struggling hard with being a step-mom, I feel as no matter what I do or say is right when it comes to my step children. I didn't always feel this way, when we first got together everyone got along great, we laughed and joked around with each other, they treated me and their father with respect, now it's just to opposite. I have been called the evil step mother from Cinderella to some pretty nasty names. My one step son actual look me in the eyes and said " you don't you crawl in a hole and die you fat a* b*".

My husband has finally started to see how they treat me, and he don't like it and when he tries to correct their behavior they lash out a him saying hes taking my side in stead of theirs. It is starting to affect the whole house and our girls. Our use to get along like best friends (14 and 8 year old) did everything together. Now they are starting to fight with each other blaming each other when they get in trouble. I want to help the girls understand we love them both, and that we are not taking sides or love or trust the other one more then the other but I don't know how. Any advise is welcome

[Iheartu]

What a horrible situation. I'm so sorry - you must be going through it every day.

Can you hold a big clear the air chat? They are getting into the habit of everyone being at each others throats - maybe if you could get them to talk? It would have to be gentle but direct questions like. So they open up a bit. Even if they start off aggressive, just let them talk. Don't react. Both you and your husband.

Good luck. I hope you start moving in the right direction (don't try and solve it in one day tho!!)

[thepurplehen]

Teenagers are hard work. They're very very hard work if not your own and impossible if you don't have the support of your husband.

Is their own mum on the scene and how regularly do you see the kids who don't live with you?