'Mummy'

[SalfordM7]

My step-child was sent this email today by her mother and I want to know if it is reasonable. To put it in context, we are a conservative family where calling parents by their first name is unthinkable and other adults are either known as 'Mr / Mrs' or 'Auntie / Uncle'. That is our lifestyle choice and should not be the focus of your response:

......you have still been calling your step-mother 'mummy'.

I have already dealt with your younger brother as I saw a chat he was having with his father, where he refers to her as 'mummy', which she is not, and will never be, and when you return home, I'll deal with you, because I was under the impression that you understood how wrong it is for you to call anyone else, but me, 'mummy'. So, we'll be chatting about this after school.

[CLJ52]

What age are the children?

What have you asked them to call you?

[SunnyBaudelaire]

why would the children be calling you 'mummy' anyway? whose idea was that? what are they supposed to call you?

[CheeseandPickledOnion]

You are not their mother and therefore should not be called 'Mummy'. As a step parent myself that's my firm belief.

I don't really care about your lifestyle choice. Frankly in a step parent scenario it's rude and wrong.

Suck it and either find another term, or let them call you by name.

[SunnyBaudelaire]

and quite honestly I would be pretty fed up and might say too much if my kids called anyone else 'mummy'

[CheeseandPickledOnion]

• Suck it up

[caravanista13]

Have you asked them to call you Mummy? If so, no wonder she's angry (though I don't think that an email threat is a helpful way to deal with it). There must be other options you can use if you don't want them to use first names.

[CheeseandPickledOnion]

If you want to be that formal, they can call you 'step-mother' since the Mother seems happy to use that term.

[SunnyBaudelaire]

or maybe
'stepmother Smith' or whatever your name is.
lol

[GotToBeInItToWinIt]

Don't like the tone of the email ('deal with you'??) but I agree that stepchildren should not call their stepmother 'mummy'. They already have a mummy. If your lifestyle choice is to call other adults by 'mrs so and so' or 'mr so and so' then that is what your step children should call you.

[FannyFifer]

You are not their mother so they should not be calling you mummy.

They should call you by your first name, nothing else is appropriate, regardless of your lifestyle choices.

[superbagpuss]

my mother was auntie xxx by her step children

I called my step mum by her first name as a child

[SavoyCabbage]

So she thought her dd knew it was wrong to call someone who isn't her mummy mummy, she now realises that her dd did not know or forgot, so she's going to,talk to her about it after school. Presumably you and her father have been correcting her dd too.

I'm a teacher and some dc call me mummy by mistake. You just have to remind them.

[loudarts]

You are not their mum so they should not be calling you mummy. I would be devastated if my dcs started calling someone else mummy

[NickiFury]

She's right.

[magpieginglebells]

How old is she and did you insist she calls you mummy or does sh call you it off your own back.

[MrsTawdry]

She is right...you're not their Mummy. Think of something else for them to call you.

[MissHJ]

They should not be calling your mummy. You are not their mother, they only have one mother. So that email seems perfectly acceptable to me and she will have a chat with her children after school. Surely you have been correcting them?

[a2011x]

I'd be devastated if I heard my daughter calling someone else mum. I agree with her completely.

Who told the child to call you that?
Have you been stopping this from happening?

[TenMinutesEarly]

How old are the children?

[morethanpotatoprints]

We don't know the OP has invited the sdc to call her mummy yet.
Maybe it was her dh idea or even the dc themselves.

I don't like the tone of the email either but it sounds like the mum is fed up and I would be too.
You only have one mum no matter how many different family set ups you come across in your life.

[MirandaWest]

I have told my DC that I know they will probably accidentally call XHs girlfriend Mummy at some time - and I'm pretty sure that DS has called my boyfriend Daddy once. But those are accidental callings - I wouldn't be impressed at hearing that for a child with a living mother that they were encouraged to call someone else Mummy.

[Kundry]

I don't think her Mum addressing it to her in an email is reasonable at all.

However you should have been conscious that Mummy is really only for her mum and if your DSD started calling you mummy suggested a different word for her eg Auntie X.

However it's totally something her mum should have spoken to her face to face about, in lovely way not a cross email.

[SalfordM7]

She is 11 and she (all the children) chose to call me 'Mummy'. Their father had custody of them after the divorce and when we met they were living with him and fully expected to be living with us, although it was an international divorce that complicated custody issues.

[bonkersLFDT20]

Your step children should not be calling you Mummy. You are NOT their Mummy.

[SunnyBaudelaire]

Salford just FYI it is not 'custody' as they are not criminals.
You should have corrected them and thought of another name.