Hi guys long time lurker here.
I'm hoping someone can give me some constructive advice about a situation I have with DP and his inability to treat his 2 dc the same and it's making me feel apprehensive as dsd is due with us from Saturday.
Nearly 3 years ago DP's ex took their dd to live 400 miles away with less than 10 days notice. This turned my DP's world upside down and he was devastated. He went from 3 days per week to school holidays and he's struggled with anything remotely resembling discipline ever since as he doesn't want her to remember her visits as being unhappy.
This has been causing friction between us as he is on our ds's case constantly when dsd is with us yet allows her to, basically, do as she wishes. I am a firm believer in fairness and consistency and, if I tell my ds he isn't allowed to do something then dsd is also not allowed to do it (whatever 'it' may be). I feel this has started making me look like the evil step-mother as I'm the one that has to step in before things get out of control. He is also much more affectionate towards dsd than ds.
Things came to a head in October HT (with DP, not dsd). I had been saying for a number of months that it is very noticable how differently he treats his 2 dc and it will only be a matter of time that ds notices and feels his sister is given preferential treatment. He said that would never happen as it's not true and I must be 'harbouring resentment' towards dsd (this is something he likes to throw into any conversation we are having about his behaviour towards ds) I most certainly don't resent my dsd, she is 6 ffs and has no say on how her father behaves, but I do resent DP's behaviour. Sorry I digress!!
So, Oct HT, I was downstairs with dc giving them breakfast when DP walked in and said 'Good morning baby girl' to dsd. He then looked at ds and said 'Good morning'. Ds got upset and said 'you didn't say good morning daddy' DP said 'of course I did' DS....'No, you said good morning baby girl, you didn't say good morning baby boy' I didn't say anything but I had feared this would happen and it upset me greatly. We did talk about it, once the dc were in bed, and he said he would try and act the same towards them. This was the last day of dsd visit and she went home the next morning so he didn't have chance to try out his new and improved attitude!!
I'm almost dreading xmas. I hate feeling like the nasty one, and I feel like I have to over-compensate and be overtly affectionate to our ds as he seems to get over-looked (perfect example....ds climbs on DP, DP tells him to get down. Dsd climbs over him and he will just allow her to do it but if ds tries to join in he gets removed again and told to go away).
Any ideas on how I can get things running better?
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Feeling apprehensive
3 replies
wtfhappened · 16/12/2014 13:28
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