A bit of history: DP has two daughters, one aged 14, the other aged 18, planning to start University in September. He currently pays maintenance for both of them, and when the oldest starts University, he stops paying maintenance for her, so we will pay this sum to her directly, to help with her University costs. Everyone, including the ex, is happy with this.
But yesterday we found out that DP is being made redundant on 31 August. Obviously we hope he’ll get another job soon, but there are no guarantees. We can just about survive on my salary, plus we assume DP will get some sort of Job Seekers allowance, but if we have to find maintenance and/or University money, then we wouldn’t be able to pay the bills and mortgage. It’s not a goodwill issue; it’s a balance-sheet issue. There simply isn’t enough money to run our household, and pay maintenance/University allowance.
DP (sort of) accepts that maintenance is based on his income, and therefore no income equates to minimal maintenance. But it’s the University issue that we’re in disagreement over. He insists that because we promised financial help, then we must deliver. He’s trying to find out how much Job Seekers he’d get, and has been suggesting that he could pay this to his eldest daughter, in an attempt to keep his promise. Very noble, but we’ll need every penny of any benefits to keep our household going.
Whilst I’m disappointed that we won’t be able to help his eldest daughter in the short term, I will not be happy at all if he gives her his benefits, rather than contributing to the household coffers. Surely you give financial support to students if you have disposable income, not at the expense of our mortgage and utilities? It’s like he’d literally take food off our table to ensure his daughter has University help, I think he’s got his proprieties wrong. And yes, I know we made her a promise, but a promise can’t be ring-fenced against redundancy. If there’s far less to go round, then surely everyone gets a smaller share of the pie? Plenty of kids don’t get monthly allowances when they go the University, I know this means they run up big overdrafts etc, but until DP gets another job, we simply won’t have enough coming in each month to help. This morning I’ve been thinking that I could get a second job, but (and AIBU?) should I really have to get a second job because DP plans to spend his dole money on his daughter rather than on our mortgage FFS?
Do I sound awful?
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We can't help DSD18 with Uni costs now DP has lost his job
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Thursdaygirl · 10/07/2014 15:09
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