I'm willing to accept that I'm the problem here I just don't know what to do for the best.
DH and I have been together for nearly ten years, we have a lovely gorgeous son together who is the light of my life. DH has two daughters from a previous relationship (20 & 16).
My problem is I really dislike the youngest daughter. I mean she really bugs the shit out of me and I don't know why. I've felt like this since I met her when she was six FGS! The eldest is a bit strange but I generally get on okay with her.
Now before you jump on me saying that she picks up on my feelings I honestly think she doesn't. The reason I say this is I end up going over board when they visit to mask how I really feel and I must be doing a good job at this because the YSD told DH that she knows that she is my favourite between her and her sister! You could have knocked me down with a feather!! I was going on the philosophy of 'fake it till you make it' hoping that my feelings would change as she got older, if anything they have gotten worse. Since having my son I dislike her even more.
She acts like a baby to get dads attention, she is a constant limpet and does the mini wife thing out in public. You would think she was his girlfriend the way she hangs off him in the pub. It's embarrassing and I know DH is embarrassed by it, so he tries to move away and she then just ends up giving me the daggers.
She is always going on about how well she is doing at school. To be fair she does do well and that's great but she has literally no interest in anything and I mean anything outside of school. She has no opinions or thoughts on anything so conversation is really quite monotonous it's like sitting through a continual parent-teacher evening!
She has no table manners, eats with her mouth open. Is very picky in what she will eat. Never says thank you if we take her out for dinner.
She makes baby like presents for DH that look like they've been made by a five year old! I kid you not, we get these hand drawn cards that look like they've been done with crayon by a primary school kid not a 16 year old!! Saying daddy this and daddy that.
I could go on and on but won't. It's not one thing, its just everything. I just think that our personalities don't click and I just don't get on with her.
I've encouraged DH to go and visit them so they don't pick up on how I really feel.I dread Christmas, I mean dread it. Having them here makes me really tense. Unfortunately our house is too small for me to detach so its hard to withdraw and get away from them.
I've tried to talk to DH about I feel and we end up in the position of him defending her and me pointing out her faults. I ask him to do a bit if parenting to address some of the issues and he feels he doesn't see them often enough to have any kind of impact and doesn't want to spoil the time he has by having a go at them. Because they do well at school he honestly can't see any issues. I feel bad for him and see his point of view but I can't change how I feel. I'm in the wrong and I'm just seeing the worst all the time but I can't change how I feel.
I feel like I have a knot in my stomach whenever he mentions YSD and I'm sure it's not healthy or right. I think I have to leave the relationship but I feel so bad for my son, will I end up creating another unhappy step kid?
I've tried counselling and it didn't work. I just feel so shit about it all, please help me get my feelings straight. I'm sat here I tears
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Is there any way to make this work?
40 replies
Caterpillarmum · 09/07/2014 08:08
OP posts:
NatashaBee ·
09/07/2014 16:21
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