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Step-parenting

Two unrelated things

74 replies

rosepetalsoup · 27/06/2014 22:24

Does anyone else's DH turn really defensive and snipey when the DSC are with you? Mine does, constantly belittling me and arguing with me.

Other issue: head lice!! Ours have them whenever they come and we always treat them. Any advice? They're almost teen -- is it normal? Also is it better for us to not bother treating them as we only have DSC for the weekend? Also, can they get into the sofa etc? I am very not in the know!

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rosepetalsoup · 27/06/2014 22:32

Sorry, as you can see feel a little stressed. DSC are lovely- it's DH being v v annoying (plus the nits). Who O why.

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amigagal · 27/06/2014 22:41

Yes, we have both here this weekend and I'm treading on eggshells.

Yy to the head lice too. Finally got rid of them when we had them for a week over summer holidays, the boys must've been 12/13, definitely in secondary school. Their mother insisted she was dealing with them, but the boys were absolutely infested.

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rosepetalsoup · 27/06/2014 22:50

Thanks for replying Amigagal. I really don't know why my DH has to be such a prat. And I hate him for it. He's usually ok bordering on tricky but when DSC are here he is unbearable, and so rude!! Starting arguments within minutes of them coming in the door, interrupting conversations with criticisms of what I'm saying, constant moaning about how tired he is, doesn't do any normal household stuff/washing up/chores (despite being vv good at it otherwise) and also undermining meat every opportunity. I could add to the list, ignoring our own DC, being needlessly messy/shit.

What is he doing? Reliving past squalor with DSc? Trying to undermine our relationship to make them feel better? If I ask him he just says it's so difficult having them here etc. he feels so drained/emotional effort etc.

I don't buy it and think he's being a cock.

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rosepetalsoup · 27/06/2014 22:51

me at, not meat!

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WilloughbyWallabyWoo · 27/06/2014 22:57

DSD used to arrive every holiday with head lice when she was 4/5/6 then a gap now had them again this last holiday (9). I am disgusted by her mother, livid that she doesn't give a fig for anyone's children (I have DDs) and feel it is bordering on neglect. They aren't difficult to see as she arrives with lots of fully grown ones (I counted 12 large ones that fell onto her pillow the first night we treated her) and as we manage to sort them out over a week, they aren't that difficult to treat either. So what's with this whole nits thing? I don't get it!

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rosepetalsoup · 27/06/2014 22:59

It is GROSS! I am also so cross. We have a toddler I am livid that every time it results in us all getting lice. My DSD has thousands of them, literally crawling back up through the bath plug!

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Fluttercub · 27/06/2014 23:33

Same problem with my dsd's its a constant battle eow, the mother says she treats them yet the girls are infested and my ds 2.5 always catches them but we instantly treat so he is always clear within 24hrs, if we can treat a toddler who will not sit still why can't she treat an 8 and 11 yr, it really infuriates us, we send them home nit free get them back infested again . Vicious cycle and it takes the fun out of visits when they have to sit for hours being combed and inspected.

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poorfoxyloxy · 27/06/2014 23:40

oh yeah, hear ya about the headlice thing, step son comes back from his moms almost every time without fail has a head full. Got really pissed off with her when she said three days after he came back, sent a text saying 'oh i think he may have nits' irresponsible fuckwit, pardon my cursing!!! The delay then meant that we had to treat all 6 of us in the house, rather than just him. Now we just comb and treat when he comes back. hard as you just have to deal with it. as for your partner being like he is, maybe it's stress or maybe he's being a cock.

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Elizabeth120914 · 28/06/2014 06:58

Mine is the same he seems to think when dsd is here he's got the green light to pick at me once he ripped my driving to pieces in the car so badly that when we got home I burst I to tears (pregnant and hormonal) and went upstairs. Dsd was laughing it's the one and only time we have ever had a fall out like that so why do they think doing that Infront of their kids is ok?? She will have no doubt reported back and I was mad at her for weeks after for clearly enjoying the situation!

He can be snappy at dsd too it's generally a pretty stressful experience and no she doesn't stress him out cos she's with me general the whole time so who knows!! It's an odd one I think he has an image in his head of what it will be like when she's here and she's a teenager now whose not really interested in dad more me or what we are doing next ..!

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TheMumsRush · 28/06/2014 07:43

Never had problems with head lice, dsd has had them but mum is hot on it. However, the other problem you have I also get, I walk on eggshells at the weekend. It's getting better as I've pointed it out

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Elizabeth120914 · 28/06/2014 07:55

Why do they do it? It's like double punishment? You get to have all the rubbish that comes with step mum and il be a total idiot too? Must be mad putting up with it!

He's the problem and the reason I dread dsd coming sometimes I don't think it's her at all I only worked it out last weekend it the way everything changes in the house! Moody, monitoring conversations and being the entertainment committee!

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Kaluki · 28/06/2014 09:37

Mine doesn't get horrible but I get ignored quite a lot and he gets all defensive and stroppy if I pull him up on something his kids have done (eg wet towel on the bathroom floor this morning!)
As for nits. I'm pretty certain that they can only live on the head and aren't like fleas who live in furniture and bedding etc

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rosepetalsoup · 28/06/2014 14:37

Ok now my husband - who is usually ok - has turned just so so contrary and annoying. It's like he's completely changed his values. He still hasn't done the washing up from yesterday evening (it was his task, and he's usually spot on these things) and when I asked rolled his eyes and said 'what's the problem, it's just washing up' !!! Also has refused to treat DSD's nits and even scowled at me when I brought it up, saying he's not going to do it and just wants to have a 'nice time'.

Arghghghghhghg! If we didn't have a little child I would go out for the rest of the weekend.

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clam · 28/06/2014 14:45

Why not go out WITH your own child? At the very least, she may avoid catching the nits.

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clam · 28/06/2014 14:45

Oh, and tell him why you're going.

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MuttonCadet · 28/06/2014 14:48

Yes YSS was absolutely infested with them, I treated them, because his mum just isn't interested.

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rosepetalsoup · 28/06/2014 14:54

I have done earlier. Argh! His response was only that I have been 'ruining it for everyone'.

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Kaluki · 28/06/2014 17:31

So why bother rosepetal!
You get no thanks for it.
I wouldn't bother again!

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rosepetalsoup · 28/06/2014 17:39

Yes. FFs, so annoyed now. I usually read these boards thinking my DH isn't that bad but this weekend he has gone off the scale. Currently not talking to me, making massive show of a huff in front of the DSC never mind our own child who seems to be completely off his radar

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MummyA1984 · 28/06/2014 18:00

Omg this thread is making me itch!! I'm terrible with these things! Luckily my kids haven't even had them but I'm sure at some point they will, but I'll be on it immediately!! I'm going to sound like super bitch here but I wouldn't want anyone in my house who had nits or anything similar no matter who they were :-/ I am pretty pants with these things tho, even colds. Our house it dettoled to death! Perhaps worse at the min as I'm nesting.

Only tip I can think is when they come, treat them if you can bare it then wash there hair in a tea tree scented shampoo. Nits avoid the smell of tea tree. Maybe send the bottle home too and buy another bottle in for the next visit.

My husband isn't much different when ss comes (on the odd occasion he actually does) but we still end up falling out which we never do any other time. I think having step kids is just generally stressful and adds a lot of tension to any home, no matter how happy you usually are, which we are. It's hard work and takes a long time of regular contact to all build a family like relationship.

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yoyo27 · 28/06/2014 20:34

Yes to the headlice!!!! and what is more annoying is their mum works in a nursery and on the door is a sign saying there is headlice about, not to forget to treat!!!!

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how2cope · 30/06/2014 11:28

Hi, I'm sooooo relieved to read that someone elses DP acts like an idiot when the DSC is around, I definitely thought it was just me! I have the best DP int he world, except when the DSC comes to visit! This weekend for example, when I asked DP why DSC had been crying I was told that I obviously don't care about the DSC because if I did I would have gotten up from bed (it was 8 a.m. on Sunday, sorry, but I just wanted some 'how2cope' time, maybe that's unreasonable...?) and come down to see myself, from then there's been pretty much no conversation, even though DSC went home at 6p.m. yesterday. I just find that my DP turns into a big spoilt child who's 'tired' and whinging and can't do anything because he has to 'mind' DSC (so you couldn't just apply from some jobs in case a nearly 8 year old child falls from a comfortable sofa when he's engrossed in the TV, in case some tragedy befalls him....!) So ladies, how do you cope with being made to feel like an outsider in youtr own home? How do I rise above it and not let it get under my skin? How do I communicate with the surly teenage version of the DP who stays surly long after the DSC has gone home?? It's so exhausting and such a waste of time and energy when it doesn't have to be like that?? Any help / advice appreciated!

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rosepetalsoup · 30/06/2014 12:05

How often does your DSC come How2cope?
Also, if you don't have any children yourself, I would just go out lots.

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how2cope · 30/06/2014 12:15

eow from fri - sunday and every second night during the week for a few hours (not a sleepover!). No DC myself yet, it will hopefully be on the cards in the future....maybe that will make it easier?!

It's difficult to be the grown-up if you know what I mean, it feels like I'm the only adult and I might as well not exist, but then if I do go out for an hour, I'm the worst in the world, because I'm just doing things that suit me so DP and DSC will just head off somewhere and I'm left out of 'the gang'! This sounds so childish, but genuinely, it is absolutely driving me around the twist.....! I don't so anything to deserve an argument, I make myself available to their every whim, i suggest doing something as a family to my DP, but apparently I 'never want to spend time with DSC', not true.....my DP obviously stuggles with the weekend visits, so why can't he TALK to me, surely fighting with the one person who can and wants to help him makes the weekend even more of a struggle?!

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Elizabeth120914 · 30/06/2014 12:19

No answers really I have this too and it drives me nuts!

I get left doing a lot of the child care tho and me going out alone all weekend would cause I riot!

I tend to suck it up wherever possible but it's not a nice situation for anyone. We are lucky in that it seems we are having a bit less of dsd as she gets older so now it's not all weekend every I've found it easier to let it go - not that it means that sometimes I'd happily bang the pair of their heads together.

Don't know why they think behaving like a moron In front of their daughters is a good look either... Mine wears having her like a cross he has to bare to do the right thing .. Ie she's here and I look after her and he sulks as she's not interested in her dad unless she's getting a gift/ expensive treat otherwise it's all over me as I do cooking etc with her.

She says helpful things like just me and you can do this and that without dad which helps the situation no end.. Role on growing up!!

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